


Pureblood Blues

by PenMasterShepard



Series: Welcome to Life [6]
Category: Mass Effect, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-01-22 18:00:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 53,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21306224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PenMasterShepard/pseuds/PenMasterShepard
Summary: Lana T'Soni, eldest daughter of Jane Shepard and Liara T'Soni, is growing up too fast and navigating life, love, and a certain girl who's taken her heart.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Aria T'Loak (past), Female Shepard/Liara T'Soni, Lana T’Soni/Liselle Tevos, Original Characters - Relationship, Tevos/Aria T'Loak
Series: Welcome to Life [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/355028
Comments: 65
Kudos: 120





	1. Chapter 1

Shepard didn’t know what hit her until it was too late.

Of all the injuries she had sustained – including the ones that had killed her – none had hurt like this.

Searing blades, exploding ships, thermal bits of metal through abdomens and shoulders; the bruises and scratches and _oh baby-baby-it-hurts-so-good_ left over from Aria’s once-upon-a-time sexual torture; wayward sticks; icy-cold and venomous words of contempt from her less than impressed wife, that cut through her like a Noverian wind; none of them compared to this.

She reeled; time slowed. Vaguely noticed the _whoosh_ as the door opened and the dull _thump_ it made as it hit the wall, the slow turning of the overhead fan, the creak of the bedsprings: the assault slowing the world, every second a hundred-fold, every one her last. Again.

_No no no no no no._

Jane clutched at her face; trying to make sense of the offending weapon, the blood draining from her freckles; her fingers tingled, going to sleep, leaving her knees weak and her breath short. Gut-punched and tongue-tied she clutched at it, the fabric soft and warm and-

A bra.

Her daughter’s bra.

Her very young and chaste daughter’s bra.

“Dad!” A mortified screech from the bed, all tangled sheets and flailing limbs. Shepard gaped, mouth opening and closing over a dry tongue. She instinctively turned around, but not before the unmistakeable hum of biotics drew her attention to the window, where an expanse of purple skin was vaulting over the sill, gliding safe on Goddess-given wings of escape; safe from angry fathers and their very large guns.

“Lana…” Shepard clenched her teeth together and drew up to her full height; the mortal danger passing and leaving the soldier in its wake._ I will be brave. I will be brave. I will- _ She saw her oldest scramble from the bed, pitching discarded clothing over the ledge to the offender below, a sheet drawn up over her bare chest.

“Jesus…” _Nope. No. No. Nope. Can’t-deal. With this. Shit. _“Liara!” Loud and over her shoulder. Wavering and cracked; like the teenager she was supposed to be dealing with.

“Oh, no no no no, Dad – don’t tell Mom. Please.” Lana was next to her now, pulling on a t-shirt with terror in those eyes that were so much like hers. “Please, oh Goddess, God…” She hastened her father into the room – the room that Shepard remembered painting for her, decorated with skyball captains and Blasto posters just a few minutes ago it seemed to her now – and shut the door with a click that reverberated off the walls. “Please don’t tell Mom…”

Remembered a Christmas so long ago…

_Liara’s room. Childhood still seeping out of its pores despite how old they seemed to each other then. “Shepard…” Lips dancing and bodies pressed together, the rolled over, into each other, tangling sheets and desperate to find skin and warmth, every breath each other. The unbridled yearning; the hot-blooded desire of youth._

_Then Liara had grumbled and removed Jane’s hand from under her shirt, “my mother is coming, get up.”_

_“How do you-?”_

_“I heard the stairs,” Liara’s eyes pleaded Shepard to trust her and she shot out of bed, replacing crooked clothing and smoothing hair, barely making it to the end of the bed before the door opened and Benezia had waltzed in like she owned the place. Which she did of course. Looking so happy at the chaste distance between them…_

_If only she knew…_

Jane looked down at the bra in her hands and came back to herself, resisting the urge to drop it like it was acidic. She sighed and awkwardly handed her daughter back her intimates. Reminded herself to never – _ever_ – think about it again. Lana looked at her with her mother’s brand of doe-eyed dread and Jane watched as she snuck across the floor and placed it on top of a dresser that was overflowing with cosmetics and underwear, books and sheet music. _When had she grown up so much?_ She ran her hand over the back of her neck; watched her daughter do the same. She sighed again.

“Come here,” she moved to the bed, hesitated and flipped the cover over the sheets; tried not to think about what she had just witnessed and sat. Patted the spot next to her.

Lana looked on with raised brows, her long arms behind her against her dresser.

“Come on. Sit.” She did, but flinched away when Shepard wrapped her arm around her shoulder, sighing for the third time in as many minutes. “Okay… well. Oh, jeeze, _Lana_…”

The girl looked dumbstruck and young. Too small to be doing what she just had been. “What am I going to do with you?” _What would I have done to myself at that age? _Shepard almost laughed; she looked so much like Liara. So much of her innocence and grace when she was feeling scared and small. Far cry from the tomboy she had sired.

“Dad… We weren’t doing anything. We were just-“

“Weren’t doing anything, huh?”

“We weren’t, I swear-“ she looked like she was going to cry, tears fat and thick just behind her eyes.

“I know your mom’s the doctor of the family, Lana, but I’m not stupid-“

“I mean – it was just – and she- I mean, _she’s just so_…”

Shepard bit her tongue. What did she really expect from a teenager; certainly not common sense. Or truth. Or sensibility…

“Are you safe?” She bore holes into Lana’s soul with her gaze; the same one she used on unruly recruits and commandos. The one that elicited truth and obedience.

_Turns out teenagers are worse_, she thought, trying to swallow the gut-rot- queasy feeling of imagining her daughter-_just—ugh, no_…

“Ugh-Dad-“

“Don’t _Dad_ me. I know, I know- I’m your father, it’s gross… but, please, just answer me…” Jane looked down at her feet, going the fiery colour of her hair – minus the white streaks that had begun to sneak in – and let Lana retreat to the safety of the corner of her bed, arms wrapped around knees and shins. Mumbled something.

“What was that?” Green met green and Lana blushed the colour of plums.

“We- no – I mean. We haven’t. _I haven’t_… Done. Anything… Really. I-” Jane nodded at her, letting her have her discomfort. Letting her hang herself with it, really.

“Well, will you be safe?” _You’re not getting out of this that easy, kid…_

She screwed up her face and Jane saw her wife in miniature; herself too. All grass-stained, torn-jean childhood. Her legacy… “I just- don’t get knocked up. Please. God…”

“Ew. No. Dad.” _Daadddd._ Like a child. Her child. Her heart.

_Please, Liara, come rescue me from this…_

“Well, good. That’s one thing we agree on. Honestly kid, I don’t know what to tell you. I’m human…. I really still don’t get how these things work, and your mother is always going on about how ‘_that’s not really how it works, Shepard’_ and-” she was rambling. Wished the world would open up and swallow her whole. Much like she had about a thousand years ago, when she had been her age and- she felt Lana’s head on her shoulder; not too old to crawl to her father for comfort after all.

“We will, Dad. I promise.” Jane nodded once and wrapped her arm around her daughter again, pulling her close.

They sat like that for awhile, silence eating away at the tension, each lost in their own memories.

“Speaking of _we_… Please tell me that wasn’t who I think it was-”

“_Dad_\- do you really-”

Jane stood abruptly; “-you know what? I really don’t want to know.” _And you really don’t want to know what I was doing to _her father_ at your age…_

***

Jane found Liara in the living room. Charlotte was at the dining room table nearby, just through the open expanse of door frame, books spewed out in front of her like the rubble from some explosion. Her mother was on the couch, legs tucked under herself, bare feet lovely and long and blue. She looked up at her and smiled, closing her own book as Shepard motioned for her to follow; a quick snap of her neck and widening of her eyes. Liara rose and followed her into the kitchen, the barest hint of concern showing the barely-there lines at the corners of her eyes.

They sat at the stools they’d had for time out of mind, Shepard tapping her boot against the crossbar of hers.

“Darling, what is it?” Liara placed a warm hand over hers, stopping the incessant fidgeting of fingers against the marble.

“Your daughter…”

Liara raised her brow markings, scrunching up her face in tired sarcasm, “_my_ daughter?”

“She’s yours right now… I mean, she’s acting a bit like me- but- I think it’s best if you- you know, the bird and the bees and all that-”

Liara laughed, still tinkling and light, “the _what_?” Watched Jane run her hand over the back of her neck. So this was serious.

“If you don’t want grandchildren anytime soon, I’d go have a little talk with Lana…” Liara blinked once. Then again. Then began to laugh, placing a long-fingered hand over her mouth to muffle the sound. She clutched her stomach with the other and doubled over on her stool, patting Jane’s arm after a minute; the look a pure horror in her eyes too much for her to bear.

“Ohhhh. Okay,” Liara finally replied, the pieces falling into place. “I expected, maybe… I mean, Liselle has been hanging around the house quite a bit…”

“That’s it? _Okay? _You knew? And _her_, of _all_ people…_” _Liara raised one brow, her mouth a thin line of barely contained humour.

“Well, Shepard, she _is_ your daughter after all. I did prepare myself for this, love.”

“Hey, now, if I remember correctly, you’re the kinky one-” and she was; making up for lost virginal time with naughty gusto.

“-only because you taught it all to me,” Liara purred in her ear as she got off her own stool. Low and even and wicked. She patted her hand again and shook her head as if to say _I may be kinky, but you’re the one with the T’Loak complex…_ “Ok, Jane, I’ll go speak with her. Should I bring Charli?” Jane went the colour of spoilt milk and clutched her forehead in her hands,

“Oh God, don’t even – please, I can’t handle both of them-”

“There is that Turian boy in her class she speaks very highly of…”

“I thought that was a phase… it would be so much easier if she liked Asari, or _girls_ – I just don’t get boys…”

Liara smiled, the corners of her mouth turned up a little, and Jane caught the sparkle of impishness in her eyes; the dancing twinkle of good humour she had fallen in love with.

“Time will tell, darling. I for one had a crush on a very nice Turian boy when I was her age;” Shepard groaned and rolled her eyes, “and then there was James, he was quite handsome-”

“Oh, that’s low…” Jane was on her feet now, smiling as well; laughter contagious as she placed her hands on her wife’s hips and drew her close. “You know how insecure I get about Vega,” she nibbled on her neck before placing a lingering kiss on those lying lips.

“Oh really?” Liara laughed close to her mouth - into the corner of her mouth - their breath mingling,

“Very,” Lips meeting and bodies pressed close,

“Well, I may have to show you just how much I appreciate the diversion you gave me all those years ago, Shepard.”

“I can think of one or two things…” They kissed again, slowly; smiles on their lips and hands in hair. The kiss of impatience dampened by parental duty.

“Just one or two?” Liara pinched her wickedly and they leaned into their closeness, whispering dirty secrets away from prying ears of their children instead of their parents all these years later.

“_Mom?_” Wavering, from the top of the stairs.

“Later. I should go to her,” Liara drew back with one more kiss and tapped the end of Jane’s nose with her finger.

“Yes, please. I don’t want to be there. Don’t need to know…”

“Oh Shepard, they’re growing up, you’ll have to face that someday,” Liara padded up the stairs, squeezing Jane’s hand one last time before she did.

Shepard stared out the kitchen window for awhile, clicking her tongue against her teeth and dampening the urge to pour a stiff drink. The urge to call Aria and demand she put a leash on her damn kid. The urge to lock her own in her room until she was 106. _Even then_…

She went into the living room instead, pulling a chair up beside her youngest, her baby, the only sensible one left in the damn house besides herself. Blue eyes so much like her mother’s looked up at her from over a complex math problem; her least favourite subject and the bane of her A+ existence at school.

“Dad?”

“You wanna take a break, kid? Go get a burger and some ice cream? Maybe hit up the mall?” _Maybe I’ll buy you a pony and keep you here forever and ever and you’ll never throw your bra in my face, even though I guess you wear one now too, don’t you? Oh God…_

Barely younger in years, but still on the other blessed side of sex and drugs and rock n roll…

“Dad, I really have to study-” Charlotte stopped, closing her book. Something about her father’s eyes – the soft love there - and the commotion from upstairs, the purple streak pulling on pants as it had danced by the ground floor window…

“Okay.”

“Thanks kid, I need it.”

***

“Lana?” Liara knocked softly on the door, waiting for her daughter to give a muffled grunt of consent before pushing it open and sitting on the bed. Lana was laying facedown on her bed, covers and limbs akimbo. Her face was patchy and purple and Liara fought the urge to crawl in next to her, scoop her into her arms and let her cry.

“Hi Mom,” her voice was muted by the pillow, but small and weak in its own right; “are you here to yell at me? I think Dad is pretty mad…”

Liara scooted closer and rubbed her back with a cool hand, “Oh, baby girl, no. I am not here to yell at you,” she looked out the window and went quiet for a moment, still rubbing her child’s back. “And your Dad – well – she’ll be fine. She is not angry with you, just adjusting to the idea that you are a young woman now – you are becoming a Maiden, and she would prefer you stay a child…”

Lana screwed up her nose at ‘Maiden’ but stayed silent, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes. “I’m sorry, Mom…”

“Do not apologize for growing up, Darling, just, perhaps, our house was not the correct… venue?” Liara also went purple. “Oh, Lana… I love you, you know that right? More than anything in this world, my child…”

Lana nodded into her mattress. “I know.”

“Is it Liselle?”

Lana stiffened at the name, then shrugged, her shoulder blades pinching together under Liara’s hand. Liara smiled. She was still a child sometimes… waited for her to break the silence. She didn’t.

“And you perhaps have very strong feelings for her? Maybe feel like you love her?” She shrugged again. “And you want to express that…” This was harder than she thought it would be.

She thought back to her and Jane: the way her heart had felt so empty and full at once, her skin on fire, her mouth tangled and her body awakening for the first time… “It is not easy, Lana. I remember… your father seems to have a very short memory, or a very convenient one.” Liara poked her in the ribs as punctuation, “Hey, I guess I could always call Grandpa The over and she could-“

“Oh Goddess, no,” Lana sat up and faced her for the first time. Liara smiled and traced the patterns on the sheets, blushing as well.

“I remember feeling the way you do, baby. I do,” Lana looked up at her from under long lashes and nodded for her to continue, “I was so in love and did not know what to do about it. I was – uh – _it almost hurt_; I felt like I was going to explode if I could not be with her, and yet I was so afraid. I was terrified, more than I had been about anything in my life, and yet so excited.”

Lana nodded, again, almost imperceptibly. “I think I love her, Mom, I do… I don’t know… I do? Maybe?” Liara just rubbed her thigh and listened. “I-“

“How long have you been seeing her, Lana?”

She shrugged again. Could win a medal in non-verbal communication, this one.

“I dunno… Awhile. I mean, just hanging out. Like friends and stuff, and… I mean, we’re just fooling around, and-”

“It is okay, you don’t have to explain yourself. I just want to know if-“

Liara let out a breath, “well, you are going to be sensible, right?” Lana frowned, but Liara continued, “you know it is always your choice to conceive a child-“

“_Mommm_-“

“No, I am your mother, and if you are old enough to have sex, you are old enough to talk to me about being careful…” Lana stayed silent and looked away, but let out a conceding breath, so Liara continued. “It will feel overwhelming, Lana, but so _right_. Like breathing, like coming home after a long time away; it will feel comfortable and every fibre of your body will cry out for it, but you must not let those guards down. I wish there was something I could liken it to so you would know, but trust me, you will know it when you feel it. Your body will crave it, but you will be able to control it…”

She looked over at her child – a child no longer – and swallowed hard, “that is all I ask, is you be very careful, at first. I do not want to scare you; the pleasure and the love you feel will be incredible, but make it very tempting to so something very foolish.”

“Okay.” She bit her bottom lip and Liara knew she was listening.

“And it will be hard for her as well, so make sure you both talk about it, before.”

“Fine… God, Mom, you’re kinda taking away the fun in all this…”

Liara tucked her lips together to keep from laughing, “Alright, alright, I get it. Okay. Just, maybe do not bring her over for a few days? Your Dad is being a bit uptight, which, quite frankly is surprising, considering I was the virgin when-”

“_Mom,_ ew, okay, stop-”

“- and your father was the one who was very well practiced,” she continued, matter-of-factly, trying her hardest not to burst into laughter. Had a little bit of her own father in her, after all.

“Mom, stop! Now.”

Liara stood and opened the door to the hallway, “-and she was _very virile_, it was quite the experience-”

“God, get out!” But she was smiling through her blush.

Liara laughed her way back downstairs as Lana closed her door with a faux slam and threw herself down on her bed, cringing and making disgusted noises. “Oh my God,” she said to the blissfully empty room, “they are the worst…” Her heartrate at finally settled back to a normal rate, and she gazed around the room, getting up again to close her window and grab her Omni-tool, tapping out a number she was quickly becoming familiar with. Remembering the frantic touches and low moans from its owner, almost bashfully now.

_Are you okay?_

** _Yep, never better… _ **

_Sorry, I didn’t mean for that to happen…_

Took awhile to get an answer to that one

** **

** _You mean the interruption or…?_ **

_No! No, I mean… my parents… Why? Did you not… I mean, never mind._

** _No! I mean, yes? I mean… Fuck._ **

_Fuck is right… _she thought, throwing her arm over her face. _Or rather, not…_

_I-_stopped typing and noticed her fingers were trembling. Were Liselle’s?

_Love you? No, Goddess, I can’t say that. God…_

_Elle?_

** _Yah?_ **

_I wish you had stayed._

_I guess I’ll see you at school?_

Wanted her to object. To demand to see her again, to crawl through that window again and throw her down on the bed and-

** **

** _Yah, sure. _ **


	2. Chapter 2

_Earlier that year_

“Liselle, honey, you’re going to be late,” Thea tapped on the door on her way past her daughter’s bedroom, threading her arm through a light, green sweater as she headed up the hall to the kitchen. From her bed Liselle groaned and threw her pillow over her head, opening one bleary eye and staring at the time on her Omni-tool. _Shit._

She heard her parents at the other end of the hall: her father clanking dishes noisily, her mother’s soft morning voice igniting a fuzzy kind of void in her stomach. _Back in Serrice…_ she groaned as her feet hit the floor, cold and hard and so real. She tore off her top and sleep pants and left them where they landed, shuffling to the bathroom and resigning to her fate. Shower. Food. School.

“She up?” Aria turned at the counter and passed her wife a cup of coffee. Tevos nodded over the rim, taking a few hasty sips before setting it down to cool. She grabbed her bag and checked the time again, throwing a wayward look down the hall, where the telltale hiss of Liselle’s shower signaled their daughter had indeed joined the land of the living.

“Make sure she gets out of the door on time?” Thea took another swallow of coffee and leaned in to kiss Aria, who had stopped clattering around and was seated on top of the high counter, her legs crossed.

“She can get herself out the door,” she growled, only softening to return her wife’s affection. “That fucking school cost us a fortune, and now, here she is-“

“-Aria…”

Aria rolled her eyes and nodded, leaned against one arm and sipped her own drink, lazily.

“Yah, yah, I will.”

“Love you, darling,” Thea squeezed her calf through leather pants and placed her cup in the sink. “Have a good day, Liselle,” she called up the hall.

Liselle threw the wet towel on her bed and stood naked in front of her opened suitcase; black and white and red stared back up at her. Gone were the blues and yellows of the Academy; the ones that clashed with her skin and washed out her eyes. The ones she hated. She dug through the mess and found a transparent black top that showed off her bra, threw on a tight-fitting pair of white pants, and began to apply her makeup, making sharp features sharper. Contouring confidence and outlining presence in place of obedience and obliterating the councillor’s kid in favour of someone else. The T’Loak mystique; Aria’s abandon and self-possessiveness appearing as if by magic.

Was her father’s daughter after all.

Even had the jacket to prove it.

_Might as well get this over with._

***

“And then we took the skycar over the Louvre – my Dad got special permission – and landed on the lawn; Charli was so excited; I was more into the Palais Garnier, but, like, I would only tell you that…” Lana had one thumb stuck under the strap of her backpack, a soccer ball tucked under the other arm; Freya nodded, that particular brand of warm fall light lighting up her golden hair like a halo. The sidewalk was cracked and the leaves crunched under their feet, but both girls wore matching grins. They turned into the school parking lot, surrounded by tall trees and street lights – gone to bed for the day - and Freya hastened Charli along with a hand on her back; let the younger asari skip up the concrete steps to find her friends.

“Did you see any good Biotiball matches? I heard that Arsenal just drafted some former commandos who- Lana?” Freya looked back over her shoulder, to where her friend had stopped dead in her tracks. Freya adjusted her glasses to follow her gaze, “Lana?”

Heavy bass pounded out of the skycar as it came racing around the corner, rattling the frame; rattling Lana’s frame. As the engine screeched to a halt and the door hissed open, raucous guitar riffs and the staccato strokes of the snare drum preceded the longest legs Lana had ever seen, appearing one black boot after another. All she could do was stare; watched, desert tongued and gaping, as a tall asari with familiar features bent down and took her bag from the back seat, adjusted one bra strap under the collar of a sheer shirt, and closed the door with a slam that mimicked the ocean crash that tidaled over Lana’s heart. She felt the back of her teeth with her tongue and cocked one brow marking.

Didn’t recognize the warmth creeping up her stomach and into her sternum at the sight of those legs, that shirt, the head-held-high-chest-out-swagger-

Then it hit her and recognition crashed down around her ears -_“Liselle?”_ She mouthed _– said? – thought? –_ she didn’t know.

The last time they had seen each other they had been kids, barely old enough to know they weren’t actually family. Charlotte had been a toddler, Lana just tall enough to know that Liselle was everything she wanted to be. Just old enough to know she was too little to matter, outside of family vacations and holiday dinners, and Sunday’s spent at the Tevos-T’Loak home.

_Tag, you’re it-Catch me if you can-rough-and-tumble-and-rocks and tree forts and movie nights, popcorn, sleepovers, all giggles and-_

Then it had come true, and little Lana had been left in the dust of older friends and middle school and boys and girls and dates; left to her own devices of sports practices and violin lessons and library books and public school. The Professor’s kid, the Commander’s kid; half Brainiac, half jock.

Sure, she still saw Aunt Aria and Tevos almost every week, but Liselle? _Liselle? Had she been home all summer? Did Mom and Dad know? Had she-why-? _It all passed in a matter of moments, in enough time for her best friend to call out her name and approach her statue form: discarded parking-lot pottery.

“Jeeze, she seemed like an asshole.” Lana gave her a quizzical look and willed her lips to smile,

“Huh? Oh, yah. Real jerk, huh? Almost hit me with that damn car…”

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost, dude,” Lana shook her head a few times and bounced the soccer ball off the ground; turned around to see Liselle’s retreating form dashing up the stairs. Tried not to stare too hard.

“Shit, come on, we’re gonna be late.” They dashed inside just ahead of the bell.

***

** _Kid’s home_ **

_Really?_

Shepard took off her cap and tucked it under her arm, unknowingly mimicking her daughter halfway across town. She stood off to the side of the base hallway, letting uniformed men and women pass her by.

Liara picked up her Omni-tool, where it lay buzzing on her desk; clipped it back onto her arm before checking the message from Thea:

** _Liselle starts today at the high school, tell Lana to keep an eye out for her?_ **

_Oh, I did not know she was home from the Citadel?_

_Want me to get Lana to show her around or something?_

** _Maybe… maybe it’ll keep her out of the kind of trouble we got into._ **

Jane smirked, _we were a hell of a lot older, T’Loak_

** _T’Loak is the apropos word there, Shep._ **

** _Yes, she decided the Academy wasn’t a good fit_ **

_Oh, that’s wonderful, Thea! We’ve missed her. We will have to have a dinner soon – all of us._

** _That would be lovely. I have a trip to the Citadel, but once I return. Drinks before then?_ **

_Of course!_

** _We_ ** ** _’re so happy to have her back_ **

** _She’s a pain in my ass_ **

Liara quickly typed out a message to Jane as she gathered her class materials;

_We will be having Thea, Aria, and Liselle for dinner soon; perhaps you could barbeque for us?_

** _Heard from Tevos, huh? Liselle’s back_ **

_Yes, Shepard, astute._

** _Oh don’t smart-mouth me, T’_ ** ** _Soni._ **

Oh_, I will._

** _At least give me detention or something…_ **

_Later, perhaps._

***

Whispers followed Liselle like a shadow.

_Who is she?_

_Aria T_ _’Loak’s daughter…_

_Councillor Tevos _ _–_

_Both of them? Doesn’t that make her a-_

_Shush, don’t say it, she’_ _s coming._

_She looks dangerous._

_I heard she was at that fancy school-I heard she graduated already-I thought she was on the Citadel?_

Crowds of students parted like waves for her as she sauntered down the hallway; all tight-lipped and unattainable; unruffled and sleek.

_Why is she here? _

Watched her as she pulled a pack of cigarettes from her bag and flicked the lighter.

_I heard she got knocked up, had to leave-_

_Was doing drugs- _

Stared at the back of her head in class, as she slunk into a desk like it was a lounge chair; hastily turning away when she shifted that liquid body and caught their eyes.

I_ heard she got kicked out._

When Lana finally saw her again she was leaning against a portable by the sports fields, smoking. Green eyes stole a fervent glance as she filed by, uniform pressed and runners laced; dropped her gaze after looking longingly at the cigarette between her fingers.

Between her teeth.

Swallowed the lump in her throat. Hard.

Wasn’t watching her at all – not even a little bit – while she ran laps. Didn’t see her laughing, with her new gaggle of friends, head tilted back and mouth open wide; didn’t see the way her ankles crossed in those boots, making her calves-in those pants-and-the way the golden afternoon light made it impossible to not notice the white bra under the black shirt, or how long and lean and-

Didn’t see the biotiball heading straight for her face.

It collided with a sickening crunch and Lana fell back onto the grass with less grace than a first-generation starship.

“Coach?” She squeaked, indigo blood seeping through blue fingers, “bathroom?”

“Goddess, T’Soni… fine. Hurry back.”

By the time she scrubbed the blood off her face and tested her nose – gingerly – for a break, Lana looked like a drowned pyjak. There was blue blood down her chest, across her neck and stuck in the grooves there, on her ball gloves. She left the bathroom, letting the door open before her with the clatter of old machinery; Liselle was on the other side, hand outstretched against the pressure pad.

She looked so much like Aria it was terrifying. All royal ruthlessness and tempting, soft lips. Skin, a deep, regal, purple; stark markings down her cheeks and between her eyes, like lightning; wide hips; a predilection for low cut garments… The only difference was a slightly wider jaw, and the elegant swirls Lana recognized from Thea, that painted her forehead white.

“Lana? Lana T’Soni?”

“Hey!” Her voice cracked, and she felt like crawling into a hole. Back into the bathroom, where she could hide in a stall and drown herself in the toilet- Liselle was looking at her strangely; she realized she was just standing there, silently, in the way. Covered in blood.

“Alright…” Liselle brushed past, glaring a little as she did and shooting a perplexed look over her shoulder.

“Uh- sorry. I was- Goddess, I mean, how long has it been?” Lana followed her back in to the restroom; stopped when she realized how weird that was. “What are you doing here? Do you go here now?” Her voice got higher and higher as the sentence went on.

As if she didn’t know. As if she hadn’t been looking for her all afternoon and had almost been hit by her skycar, and stared at her clevage-

Liselle paused just shy of a stall and leaned against the already tattering posters for textbook sales and the Autumn Homecoming Dance; Kepesh-Yakshi clubs, vid clubs, even the Serrice chapter of the Elcor drama society, guest lecture by one Francis Kitt, coming winter semester to an auditorium near you. She was staring at Lana, waiting. Lana backed up a little, “Oh, sorry, I mean – go ahead, I should get back to – biotiball – uh – practice…” she trailed off and nodded once, as if to go. But she didn’t. Just stood there.

_God, what is wrong with me… Say something. Anything. ‘Nice to see you, Liselle,’ or, ‘how was middle school? The Citadel? Your whole life, cause it’s not like I know her anymore or-’_

She noticed Liselle noticing her silence and went a deep colour, clearing her throat; stared over her shoulder at the posters on the wall by way of diversion.

Liselle turned her neck to see and Lana felt like dying: her collarbone and neck flexing like some beautiful bird; carved from lavender marble; she wondered what she smelled like, up close, if her perfume was fruity or dark or exotic-

She on the other hand probably smelled like blood and sweat. _And desperation…_

It was Liselle who broke the silence, still gazing back at the paper on the wall; “But break, my heart, for I must hold my tongue,” smirked back at her like she had answered the million-credit question.

Lana went a deeper blue than she already had. _What?! My heart-what?_ Stammered something low and inaudible.

“Hamlet; it’s from Hamlet.” Liselle replied, deadpan and shrugging while pointing one thumb at the Elcor with the skull. “Well, nice to see you, T’Soni,”

Lana couldn’t read the look, but Liselle seemed like she was trying not to laugh. “You’ve, uh, got something on your-” Liselle waved a finger in her general direction. “Everywhere.”

Lana opened and closed her mouth and nodded again.

“Well, I’ll see you around, I guess?”

_Disgusted? She’s disgusted. She hates me._

“Yah, sure,” she squeaked like Charli’s hamster. “Yah, practice. Gonna go back to- bye.”

Didn’t turn back around. Didn’t notice Liselle’s perforating gaze, as she watched her leave.

***

“You know her?” Freya had found her after practice, at her locker, brooding. Lana closed the metal door and pressed her forehead against it. She looked over at her friend out of the corner of her eyes,

“I mean… yes? Yah. We were friends when we were kids…”

“Friends?”

“Yes… friends. Shut up.” Freya shrugged as they began their walk down the hall,

“Why are you being so weird about her?”

Lana stopped at a water fountain and drank deeply, pausing between gulps to answer: “Have you met my parents?”

“Your parents are awesome, don’t blame them for whatever,” Freya waved her hand at her, “_this_ mess is.”

***  
“Hi honey, how was your day? Hello Freya, so good to see you,”

“Hi Mrs. T’Soni,” Freya waved and held the door open for Charli, who was straggling behind the two older girls, huffing.

“Did you see Liselle?” Liara turned from the stove and wiped her hands on her apron, leaning against the counter.

“What? No! I mean, yah, I did, but like we really didn’t talk. Goddess, Mom, it’s been like forever…”

Charlotte slumped into an island stool and dropped her backpack onto the floor, “stop being so weird…” She grumbled at her sister, “Dad’s home!”

“Family,” Shepard came through the back door and hung her hat on the rack, pulling off her coat and rubbing her face with a large hand. “Freya,” Charlotte dug through her bag and handed her a datapad; Jane kissed her on the head and began to flip through the pages of the pad, taking in school announcements and class requirements while Lana unpacked her lunch bag and stuck it in the fridge.

“I need a new set of paints and maybe some blank sheet music, and some gym shoes,” Charli pointed over her father’s shoulder. Liara nodded her consent,

“Staying for supper, Freya?”

“Nah, thanks, I gotta get home, maybe later this week?”

“Sure thing, kiddo,” Jane raised her eyes from her task and waved,

“And say hello to your mother from us,”

“Will do Mrs. T’Soni,” she rolled her eyes at the flustered Lana, who was rooting around in the fridge still. All this talk of _Liselle_ had made her go all funny again.

“Don’t ruin your dinner,” Liara closed the fridge in front of her daughter’s nose, “I thought maybe you could call Liselle and invite her over for dinner this week? Show her around and introduce her to your friends? She must be lonely.”

“Trust me, she’s not,” Lana spoke low, under her breath. “Mom, no, that’s weird. I’m not a little kid; we haven’t been friends for years.”

“She’s family, Lana,”

_Oh Goddess, don’t say that_

“Mom, please don’t make me-“ Liara held up her hands, raising her eyes to the ceiling; _I had to pick Jane Shepard to have children with, didn’t I, _she thought, not without kindness, _had to pick the strong headed one to pass on all those traits…_

“It was simply a suggestion, Lana,” She turned back to her wife and rolled her eyes over Charlotte’s head; _teenagers…_

“There’s a dance coming up,” Shepard announced, tapping the datapad. “You gonna go, Chuck?” Charli shrugged, picking at the fruit from her lunch, “and you didn’t tell me you were playing so soon, Lan.”

Lana looked up from her place seated by the door, untying her shoes before she got the whole house covered in mud, “Yah, Matriarch Laenet wants us to some live shi- she blushed -_stuff_, just the six of us from last year’s class, like a rock thing. So, yah, Mom, I really have to rehearse for the show anyway, even if I wanted to invite Liselle over, and I have some more practices after school this week,” she stood and stripped off her uniform shirt, leaving her soft rash guard on. “Speaking of, I need this washed, please.”

Liara took it from her and took her in, flushing and bloodied, hadn’t noticed at first; “What happened to you?!”

“Nothing Mom, I’m fine, just a little accident at biotiball;”

Shepard spoke at the same time, “Ah, she’s fine.”

_She really had inherited those signature Shepard moves,_ Liara thought. “Go wash up for dinner, please, and throw that in the laundry on your way,” she tossed the shirt back at her, it catching on her crest as she walked away. “You too,” ushered Charlotte out as well; she ran to reach the main floor bathroom before her sister, hastened on with a push of energy. Liara sighed deeply, out through her nose, and closed her eyes in annoyance. “No biotics in the house,” she called out after them.

“Yah, unless it’s you,” Lana mumbled, “especially when you think we’re not looking, or listening…” screwed her face up; a flush crept up her cheeks: Liselle was asari, probably was skilled with biotics, and… she jumped as if she had been caught doing something wrong, as Charli opened the bathroom door, drying her hands on her shirt.

“What?”

“Nothing,”

“Why are you so weird?”

“Get out of here,” playfully shoved her little sister down the hall by the back of her head.

_Play dates? Really, Mom? _She ruminated, closing her bedroom door and shutting out the day as she plunked the strings of her violin absently.

_Goddess, even if I thought maybe _–_ just_ maybe -_ it was a good idea, there’s not a single chance in hell _she _would be interested. Not after that – what the fuck was that? – in the bathroom, and-_

She replayed the scene out a thousand times in her head, laying in the dark in her bed, a heavy pit of emptiness in her stomach. Lead balloon and cactus prickly.

She was perfect. She was both direct and elusive, the new kid skirting rumours murmured beside lockers doors while commanding a hallway she had no business in.

Magnificent and sleek and almost arcane; just veiled enough to illicit stares, alluring in her detachment, like still water that held dangerous beasts. Lana blew out a breath; her mind wandering. She didn’t know a damn thing about her, except how she looked and made her feel and-

Didn’t know a thing about her; didn’t matter.

Could project the lust onto a blank canvas and dream.

Imagined her quietly stepping into that bathroom, coming up behind her at the sink “you’re T’Soni aren’t you?” Running those long fingers down the back of her neck; her lips there now too, hot and tingling. Could imagine her chest pressed into her back, could almost feel it rising and falling slowly as deft digits snuck around her waist and began to undo the ties of her sports shorts-

She threw the covers off, _was it getting warm in here? Too warm; _like a liquid fire had ignited between her breasts and was slowly burning her alive.

_What is wrong with me?_

***

Liselle pulled the skycar into the empty space in front of her parent’s home. She sat there for a long time, looking up at the darkened windows.

Throwing her bag down in the hallway she called out into the dark, the lights slowing coming up, sentinels against the autumn night.

She retreated to the comfort of her room, the house quiet and dim; her mother had late meetings, and Goddess knew where her father was.

She took her time stripping off the day; her jacket, her clothes, her laughter.

She flipped open a textbook and scanned the pages, thumbing through the heavy tome with her feet on the cool floor.

She felt stuck in reverse.

_This was supposed to make you feel better, Elle, _she thought.

Lights had guided her home, but she didn’t know where she belonged anymore. Laid on the bed in her underwear and looked around a room she hadn’t seen in years - her parents had always come to her - a room that looked and smelt like hers, but felt foreign. Felt wrong, and empty and haunted.

Like a ghost.

Now she was neither here nor there. Stuck between her old and new, and new and old; unmoored. A leaking boat, drifting on currents she couldn’t control.

Serrice was supposed to be full of new beginnings and old comforts, not lonely, sparse houses and empty school hallways. She didn’t _miss _the Citadel, per say, but she felt…

She flicked on her console for some company, and let the soft music fill up space in her room and head.

Alone.

Lonely.

She sat up and chewed her lip; not entirely alone. She did know one person here… 

Little Lana; she smiled to herself as she dusted off faded memories, half a century old, of simpler times when her they had done their best to drive Matriarch Benezia mad with their giggles, and had broken her bondmate’s favourite set of brandy glasses, and-  


_That time when we got lost in those woods out back of the T’Soni Estate; they seemed so large and full of danger. Probably no more than a patchy field to her now, but it had seemed like the deep dark jungles of Pragia to her child’s eye. Had wandered for hours before Aria and Shepard’s voices had cut through the undergrowth like machetes and they had been scooped up into their fathers’ strong and safe arms, a little muddy, but no worse for wear. _

Liselle smiled, almost wished she had gotten her contact number, despite the awkward reunion. Could get it from her parents, sure, but that would be weird…

_Do I really want a kid hanging off my leg while I try and find some sort of normalcy here? Especially one who’s so… Strange? _  
  


_Strange and bloody and who doesn’t know how to have a normal conversation, apparently… I think maybe I’ll be better off on my own._


	3. Chapter 3

“Earth to Lana? Come back to us, Lana,”

“Hmm?” She was staring off into the distance of the cafeteria, absently letting her ball roll back and forth between her hands; watching.

New school novelty had worn off and they were neck deep into learning teacher’s ticks, backs sore from boulder backpacks and parquet aches.

Ryx threw his cards down on the table, bird-like eyes following Lana’s gaze. Freya did the same,

“Seriously, Lana. Get over it,” she said, pulling a card out of her hand and laying it over his latest play. His mandibles flared out and he looked at his hand again, determined to beat her for once.

Liselle’s laugh sent a stake through her ribs, a scorch of dry-green jealousy. She was perched on Paul’s lap, sideways with her arms around his neck, he had a hand on her waist, whispering something into her ear that made her laugh again. Lana rolled her eyes and clenched her teeth together, but couldn’t look away.

White-hot anticipation of heart ache followed her everywhere. Garbage-pail expression drew her features low and grey.

“She doesn’t even know you exist,” she played a King and continued, “You’ve talked to her once in two months…”

“She knows _I exist_,”

“Whatever, stay in your misery then, I’m just saying either go talk to her, or get over it.” Freya looked over at Ryx’s cards, “I win.” She began to gather the cards up,

“She’s got a boyfriend,” Lana hissed, scandaled at the thought of walking over there and _talking_. “Are you nuts?”

“You knew her, you guys were friends! How is it weird to talk to her?” She shuffled the cards, “It’s weird to stay here all lunch and watch her neck with him.” Freya pushed her glasses up her nose with her wrist and nodded towards the offending pair.

She turned back and saw that he did indeed have his face tucked into her neck, whispering something again.

Tried not to imagine it was _her_ lap she was straddling.

Lana looked up at the clock on the wall and stood, “I gotta get to rehearsal. Let me know if you beat her ass, Ry.”

Mr. Xyoxin lumbered into the cafeteria as she passed dangerously close to Liselle, and his contrabassoon voiced boomed over them, “Exceedingly stern: Ms. Tevos, remove yourself from there. Notably incensed: Mr. Grayson, keep your hands near your own sides.” Lana chanced a look back and watched Liselle roll her eyes and climb down, much to Paul’s dismay. “Peeved: you are late for my class, follow.” He shrugged and squeezed past Lana without a second look. The muscles in her jaw flexed, irritated.

Liselle looked bored for a moment before sitting back down on the long bench, opening her Omni-tool and scrolling; Lana noticed her fingernails were neat and clean and painted a dark purple, almost black. She looked down at her own and made a sideways face. She tugged her bag back up onto her shoulder where it had slipped in her haste to get out of Paul’s way, and saw a small group of asari cross the lunchroom floor to where Liselle sat, clicking heels and hushed voices preceding them.

“You’re the T’Loak girl, right?” A short asari had her hands on her hips, while her followers fanned out like petals; witches at a cauldron, stirring, stirring. Liselle looked up, a dark glint in her eyes, at the sound of her father’s name.

“Uh, Tevos, actually,” she lowered her eyes – _you’re dismissed_ \- going back to her screen; the girl stepped closer and flicked the Omni-tool off, and Lana moved out of the doorframe, nearer to the witch-hunt. Instinct, ingrained by her father from a young age, kicking in; high alert.

“Listen, we don’t need any prep-school dropouts here, you Pureblood bitch.” Liselle shot to her feet at the same instant that Lana dropped her bag and raced forward; shimmering biotics flowing out of the former, the later using just her athleticism.

“What did you call me?” Low and even and coarse, like gravel sliding down a mountain.

“Pureblood;” the firestorm in her eyes was Aria’s inferno incarnate.

“Don’t call her that,” Lana stepped in; outnumbered, but surely not outmatched, not with Liselle’s reputation and Shepard’s blood flowing in her veins.

“Don’t call her Pureblood? Why not?” Angela laughed her mean-girl laugh and her friends joined,

“Shut the fuck up,” Liselle growled.

“Walk away, Angela. She’s doesn’t know about you and Paul-”

“That’s what she is. A dirty, filthy, Omegan Pureblood, with two whore mothers-”

“Don’t talk about my parents-!”

“Angela, shut up!” Lana’s shoulder’s heaved and she flared her nostrils, all Gorgon-eyed and Minotaur rage shaking her body. “Walk away,” clipped syllables, a free-pass last chance.

“Oh, does T’Soni have a little crush on the pureblood? Figures, with your mother’s lineage…”

She drew back and cracked Angela on the nose before anyone realized she had moved; a mean right hook taught to her by her father and perfected by Aethyta. The crunch was deafening to her ears, and it felt like stepping on snails when the cartilage broke against her hand.

“You hit me!” She screeched,

Knuckles splattered with blood she stood over the smaller girl, fist raised; punctuating every shouted word: “Say it again; say it again, you blue bitch. Fucking say it again!” Behind her Liselle stood shocked, before pulling her away. Angela moaned on the ground, palm over her nose, while the cafeteria watched in silence. Freya and Ryx stared, slack jawed and a hush fell over them all.

“You hit me! You’re no better than that pureblood-”

Lana broke out of Liselle’s grasp, jumping on top of her, and all hell broke loose;

“Shut the fuck up about her-”

“-and her murdering father-”

Liselle grasped at her, trying to pull her off;

_Incoherent thoughts racing through her head; _they froze for a moment, muscles stalled and minds stunned - eyes meeting and-

“and your mother, sucking-

_Not their own:_

“off the Council for-”

Lana pinning her down, pummeling, Liselle’s hands on her back, her shoulders,

_confusion and ferocity and-_

“Fucking bitch, I’ll-”

_So angry and small and lost-_

Tumbling around the cold linoleum, knees trapped between knees and fists hitting flesh

“-lunatic, get off me-”

“Take it back- apologize;”

Ripped clothing and crests smashed into teeth.

_Beautiful and-_

“Lana! It’s not worth it;” Liselle’s arms around her, pulling her up and off, and-

An adult voice finally rang out, “What is going on here?!” 

_I’ve got you. You’ve got me-_

_I will try to fix you._

In hindsight it was worth it.

At the time it most definitely was not.

“Get. In. The. Car.”

“She tried to kill me!” A bloodied and bruised Angela was holding a medi-gel pack to her face, staring daggers at an equally black and blue(_er_) Lana.

“I did not. I just punched her… no killing, I swear.”

“I am so sorry, Matriarch,” Liara had her by the sleeve, fingers dug deep into her bicep, “I assure you she will be reprimanded; nothing like this will ever happen again.” She was dragging her to the car while trying to give the principal her best board-meeting smile.

“She deserved it,”

“Lana! _Get in the car_, now!” She had never seen her mother like this; banshee shrill and bonewhite. Liara slammed the door and stalked around to the driver’s side, pinching the bridge of her nose and staring at the sky. She took a calming breath and opened it, starting the engine without looking at her daughter.

“Mom-”

“Do. Not. Speak.” Her knuckles were white on the steering wheel and she kept her eyes on the sky in front of her.

“But Mom- I had to-”

“Never! Never in my whole life, Lana T’Soni, did I think. _Never_.”

“They were- I mean, Dad taught me to-” Liara cut her off with a stern hand,

“Do _not_ bring your father into this. She is going to be so disappointed in you…”

They drove in silence for a while, Lana leaning into the door to try to stay out of her mother’s ire; sulking and tenderly touching her bruises.

“Never in my _whole life_… What were you thinking?! Hitting someone? Breaking her _nose_! You will be lucky if you are not expelled; if you are allowed out of the house again, ever!” Her voice was as large as a mountain, echoing off the car, and biotics shined just below the surface of her skin. She took another breath;

“They were ganging up on her, Mom,” Lana mumbled, pressing her forehead against the glass of the window, cool and wonderful on her inflamed skin.

“I am sure Liselle was fine,” Liara spit out, “Oh, Goddess, how am I going to explain this to Thea? To your Grandmother?! Lana, I cannot even look at you right now…”

“She didn’t,” she mumbled again, lips puckered out, all it’s-not-fair-angst.

“Sorry, speak up?” Liara demanded, curtly, actually looking over at her for a moment, ice in her eyes.

“She didn’t! She didn’t have it under control, Mom, they were calling her…” she lowered her voice and mumbled again.

“I did not raise a vorcha, do not mumble at me, and at any rate I do not care what they were calling her, it does not matter. Words are just words, and they never justify physical violence-” she trailed off, muttering. _“Infuriating… my child, _my _child. No, Shepard’s child. Athame-damned Shepard and her… Why I ever accepted that date I will never know… _Never, Lana; it is never okay to do this. How could you?!”

“Pureblood, okay?!” She yelled back, “they were calling her Pureblood, and I just couldn’t let them…” Liara’s jaw dropped as she felt her skin prick, loosing her colour. She quickly looked out the window of the car.

“Oh. Oh… That… that is a terrible word, yes… but-”

“No, Mom; no buts. It wasn’t acceptable. I had to do something…” _For you, _her eyes pleaded. _For her. _

***

Liselle closed the bathroom door and turned on one of the taps, letting it run cold and clear. She watched the water flow, not really seeing it; slammed her fists down on the porcelain.

Another school, another disaster.

She shook, biotic power still swimming through her veins, uninvited and unchecked. It wasn’t a feeling she liked; had her father’s temper, but not her bloodlust – not naturally - no matter how she tried. Her faults showing through the cracks of the door, showing just what she was really worth.

She kicked the trashcan across the bathroom, where it made a resonant clatter.

No matter how hard she tried to be-no matter who her father was-how her mother had raised her-

_Frailty, thy name is woman…_

She hadn’t done anything. Not a single thing to pick up for her mother or father or herself…

Unlike T’Soni, who had leapt. Had been buzzing, practically electric when she had grabbed her – bolts of lightning under her fingertips, shaking until it rumbled. Crackling, febrile energy; had it been the biotics, or…?

Leapt like the small flutter under her ribs she had felt when they touched; the snap of black and soothing voice in her head…

_I will-_

She splashed water onto her face, onto her wrists, and let the cooling serenity wash over her; calming biotics, calming her heart.

_“Don’t call her that.”_

Liselle heard the bell and stampede of footsteps signaling the end of day and darted into a stall, swinging the door shut. She leaned against it, letting the back of her crest rest against the cold metal.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

_Try to-_

_“Pureblood.”_

Punched the partition, the concave crater her only real mark on the world; she slid down onto the floor and began to cry. It started slow - one sniffle then two more - and then tears were falling from her eyes and onto the tiles, as her breath hitched in her chest and her lungs ached.

_Fix you_

***

“Shepard go speak to your daughter.” Liara was poised in the kitchen, sipping a large glass of wine with her arms crossed in front of her chest. Jane had been tasked with picking Charli up from school and had missed all the fun.

“My daughter?”

“Yes. She is yours. Trust me.”

Shepard widened her eyes and raised her brow, _what now?_ “What’d she do?”

“Go!”

She jumped into action; didn’t know what Lana had done, but Jane hadn’t seen Liara like this in a long time; hadn’t been on the other side of this in a long time, and wanted to keep it that way.

***

How could she have been so stupid?

Her father had dragged her over the coals; gone on and on about ‘appropriate use of force,’ and ‘disappointing your mother,’ and ‘setting an example for your sister,’ told her to think about what she had done, and left her to rot in her prison.

She sat on the windowsill, looking out into the night and up at the moon, the closest she was going to come to seeing the outside world for a long time. Grounded forever, now, probably, but that wasn’t what she cared about now.

Remembered the burning feeling under her skin from earlier: a fuzzy, static pulse that pounded at the base of her skull and tingled her eyes. Igniting the synapses that had lain dormant for too long, her body’s natural gift. Had never experienced something so instinctive and natural as when their hands had touched and their minds had collided.

It wasn’t anything like the shallow melds of secret sibling communications, or the hazy, comforting joining of mother and daughter; it was intense and innate and felt like breathing.

She hadn’t _meant to_. Unless it had been Liselle, but looking back she thought not.

It had been both of them.

_Liselle lunged forward and grabbed her by the back of her arms, pulling her up and off Angela. Lana kicked and flailed, trying to get out of her grip, but a sensation like a mass relay jump took her by surprise, knocking them both back and freezing them stock still for a moment and eternity. She didn’t see anything, but she felt plenty; heard plenty, all thoughts overlapping like a bad radio connection; like an avalanche of snow, cascading down over them, around them. Stardust and ocean waves and-_

The rage and terror and bone-deep _pull_ they felt; they had done it. Accidentally and indiscriminately.

_Furious and heartbroken and gut-punch-sick and-_

_Worthless-_

_-no, never; you’re_

_Protecting her, her mother; so noble and proud and _good

_-amazing; _

_Don’t deserve this treatment – they can’t call you-_

_Don’t want to do this again. Not again._

_I will-_

_So angry and small and lost-_

_Beautiful and-_

_Try to_

_-Cried myself to sleep every night_

_Fix you._

_-me too…_

_I’ve got you. You’ve got me-_

_I want to be so much more-_

_-Dangerous_

_Wild and unruly_

_I will try to fix you._

_***_

“So, got a little right-fighter on our hands…” Shepard closed their bedroom door with a soft click and watched as Liara lowered her datapad.

“I assume you read her the riot act?” Her lips were stained red from the wine and pursed. Shepard sighed and began to undress,

“Something like that. She’s well chastised...” She redressed into her pajamas in silence, slipping into bed and turning off her light before rolling over, her head near Liara’s waist. “So, want to talk about it?”

“I do not.”

“Okay…” She stared up at her for a while, sure she was lying.

“I cannot believe she did that; this is your fault, you know that, right?”

_Bingo, _Shepard thought, _there she is._

“Is it?” Jane grinned, could see the anger on her wife’s face being replaced with panic.

“Yes, _I_ am not the one who uses her fists for a living,”

Shepard ‘hmmmed,’ eyebrows raised in mock agreement;

“Nor do I attack those who disagree with me-“

“Those who insult you, you mean,” kissed the tiny bit of skin peeking out from the hem of her shirt.

“You taught her-she saw you, and your career and…” Liara couldn’t articulate her thoughts properly, which was alarming in its own right; she paled.

“Or is it, maybe – just _maybe_ – you feel a little to blame as well? _Perhaps_, she may be a little protective of kids like you?” Shepard shrugged, her lip stuck out in mock humility.

“Perhaps,”

Jane ‘hmmmed’ again, running one hand up her bare leg.

Liara chose her next words slowly, “_perhaps_ it was… a combination… of our genes, our parenting…”

Shepard shrugged again; _perhaps._ “Well, there’s only one thing to do about it.” Liara shut off her datapad and sighed, slouching down a little,

“What is that?”

“Return her,” Jane’s smirk broke the tension and Liara giggled, leaning into the kiss she hadn’t known she needed. Shepard’s hand wandered to her breast, still lovely as ever under her shirt, and squeezed, “We can make another one.”

“Well, _perhaps_, we could practice… _Oh_…”

She turned off her own light as Jane disrobed her, one slow item at a time.

“Perhaps.”

“_By the Goddess… yes.”_


	4. Chapter 4

“The school called.” Thea broke the silence of dinner, looking over at Liselle, who was picking at her roast with disinterest and poking vegetables with a fork. Aria met her wife’s eyes over the lip of her glass and waited for the teenager to answer.

“And?” She finally spoke, not making eye contact.

“And, do you want to tell us what happened?”

“Not really,”

“-Not really a negotiation, Liselle,” Aria drawled. Thea cleared her throat before they could start anything,

“Some girls got in my face, is all,” she stood with her plate but her father snapped her back to her seat with a flick of biotics;

“-Aria”

“-Dad”  
“Answer your mother,” she paused, feeling Tevos’ eyes on her; gritted her teeth: “Please.”

Liselle scowled, sitting back in her chair and crossing her arms to match her father’s pose, “I didn’t do anything. Lana stepped in and… helped out. Wasn’t my decision.”

“My, my. T’Soni’s are full of surprises,” her foot dangled, rocking up and down, keeping some secret time.

_Are they ever, _Liselle thought, trying not to let it show on her face. Thea placed her hand on her daughter’s bare arm,

“Liselle, what were they saying to you?”

“Nothing. Can we stop talking about it now? I didn’t do anything, so…” she looked down at her plate; Aria lifted her chin with one finger,

“Good. They’re not worth your time.”

***

She sat on the swings in the dark, lazily kicking herself back and forth with one foot, the metallic grating of the chains her only company. She took a drag of her cigarette and flicked it away, watched the orange tip burn against the sand, fading, fading, fading into nothing but ash. She toed the sand with her boot, drawing squiggling lines before erasing them with her heel and starting over.

Lana hadn’t been in school that day; had kept an eye out for that particular shade of blue she was coming to associate with that strange tight feeling in her chest.

_Beautiful and-_

_-amazing-_

Thought about it on the drive in, music blasting while she checked her makeup in the rear view; _wondered if this shade lipstick brought out the colour in her eyes, or how it would look on Lana’s pale skin, smudged next to her lips and on her-_; Thought about it through algebra and Thessian history, _how hot her skin had been under her hands, how her indignant rage had slipped through - you don’t deserve this treatment – they can’t call you-_; Thought about it while lounging against her locker with Paul next to her, close enough to smell his cologne, so much heavier and muskier, _unlike the light fragrance that had wafted from Lana’s clothing when she had held her in her arms and-_

_I’ve got you. You’ve got me-_

There she went again.

Wanted to talk to her mother about the strange meld, just didn’t know how. Didn’t know how to broach the subject without first figuring out just what the hell was going on her head, in her heart…

Lana hadn’t been at school, but Angela had. Her and her cabal of crones had stalked her every movement, trying to intimidate the unflappable. Trying to wear her down with slammed lockers and books dropped in her path in the hall. Looking vaugely threatening and brooding had failed to push them away, and they had cornered her in a second floor bathroom, where Liselle had sneered and advanced, not really sure what her intentions were, how she was going to deal with the confrontation, but they scattered like mice at the barest hint of threat; she was part T’Loak after all.

_What would Lana have done?_

She pulled another cigarette from her pack and flipped open her lighter - one sporting the familiar oversized O of Omega - and looked down; had absently drawn a heart in the sand with her foot. Blushed to herself in the night as she heard familiar footfalls coming up the path; the pronounced click of heels only the Queen herself could produce. She hastily shoved both the smoke and lighter into her black jacket as its white counterpart came into view.

“Hi Dad,”

Her father took the seat next to her, the swing barely moving under her weight; gloved hands wrapped around the chains and ankles crossed in front of her, Aria nodded at her daughter.

“Give me one of those.”

“Uh-“

“Don’t under estimate me, Liselle,”

“You gonna tell Mom?”

Aria’s face told her all she needed to know and she handed her her pack and lighter. Aria lit the cigarette, the flames lighting her features from below like some kind of daemon; handed it to Liselle and took one for herself, repeating the process. They smoked together in silence until Aria spoke.

“So T’Soni, huh?”

“Yah...”

“That’s cute.”

Liselle blushed, too close to the mark; began to push herself on the swing again, childhood fears bringing out childish behaviors. “She just- I dunno, did what I should have done.”

“No.” Aria flicked her cigarette and looked over, her eyes steely and her form somehow so solid to her daughter in that moment.

“No?”

She grabbed the chain of Liselle’s swing and stopped her motion, holding her in place and holding her eye contact.

“Elle, there are certain responsibilities you hold being my daughter. A certain dignity we have that is tainted by violence; by politics. People will always try to take that from you. We don’t have time for hate. We don’t lower ourselves to petty, trivial, people.”

Her daughter nodded, once, mimicking the flint of her father’s eyes. Aria reached over and cupped her face in one hand, gently, stroking her cheek with her thumb;

“But there is also a certain threshold to the amount of bullshit you are expected to put up with,”

_You are my child._

“Remember that. You are the child of Aria T’Loak, and we do not bend a knee,”

_I am Pureblood, too._

“We do not let them break us.”

_I will never let anything happen to you._

“Do not let them forget who you are.”

Liselle nodded, placing her hand over her father’s in solidarity; for comfort. Aria took the cigarette out of Liselle’s mouth and tossed it, “and don’t let your mother catch you smoking.” She stood and playfully pushed Liselle on the swings, once, twice, a third with a little biotic help; it eased her heart to hear her daughter’s laughter.

As she went to leave the playground she stopped, throwing a question over her shoulder, “and what’s the rule?”

“Don’t fuck with Aria,” Liselle repeated, unable to stop herself from smiling.

“No. Don’t _fuck_ with Liselle. Be home by ten.”

***

Lana returned to school the next week, shamed and beaten down by her new-found reputation. Freya found her at her locker before the first bell and tapped her on the shoulder,

“Dude, what happened?”

“Got suspended… Got grounded; they took my Omni-tool away and everything,” Lana mumbled, shoving her bag full of datapads and books.

“I meant what happened with Angela? We all saw the end of it, but what the hell?” Lana shrugged, closing the locker and letting the pressure pad go red. “One minute you’re drooling over Liselle, the next you’re beating the shit out of someone we’ve known since we were twenty.”

They headed down the hall towards class – some social science about Asari culture and Armali seats of power – and Lana stopped at the door, “Well, you heard what they were calling her… I couldn’t let them get away with it.” Freya pondered, wondered what the equivalent would be to her, as a human; probably some outdated racist notion that had mostly faded from their culture.

“You still gonna be allowed to play at the dance?”

“Oh shit, I forgot all about it…” _wondered if Liselle was going, if she should ask if- nah. _

They turned and went into the classroom, finding their seats and trying to talk over the hen-house noises of the others filing in. “Man I hope so, I mean I don’t care either way about the stupid dance, but Matriarch Laenet will be pissed if she’s gotta find someone to sub.”

“Sure, yah, Laenet is your concern,” Freya snorted, opening her textbook and dodging a pencil being thrown at her head, “Not a certain tall, dark, and dangerous asari…”

“Shut up.”

_She’s too old for dances, anyway, right?_

“Who knows, maybe she’ll ask you out now; her knight in shining sportswear-“

“_Shut up_.”

_Right?_

She sat on the bench and sulked, moving down as every player came off the field, but never getting the relief of joining. Of running out all this frustration.

She had been given a three-game suspension for her – oh, what had they called it – act of extreme unsportsmanship and physical violence off the field. Lana called bullshit; she had done the right thing, damnit, and now she was being punished for it.

She rested her chin on her hands as she shuffled down again and watched her teammates sweating and winning without her. Freya came up, panting, and took a swig of water from her bottle, resting neatly between Lana’s feet.

“Hey,”

“Hey, good form out there; wish I could have given you that pass that R’Darl missed,”

“Yah, we’re missing you out there; someone else is too.” Freya sat and tilted her head behind her and up into the bleachers.

_What is she doing here?_

Liselle sat with her feet up on the row in front of her, taking in the game; hastily looked away as Lana met her gaze. _Was that a blush? No… It’s just getting dark out here so early now that fall is-_ Her friend brought her back from her thoughts; saved her from drowning in them.

“You should ask Coach if she can join the team; be your personal towel girl - or no! – our mascot! She’ll scare away every other team who gets near-“

“Shut up, Hudson,” Lana laughed, shoving her with her shoulder, “she’s probably here watching Paul run laps or something; probably has his shirt off or some shit.”

“Language, girls,” the muscular Matron known affectionately as only Coach passed by with her datapad turned to plays, pointed at a few of them and sent them out into the field. “Hudson, you’re up; T’Soni,”

Lana perked up, ready to go; _all right! _“I want you to do laps after the game,” she deflated, back to her sulk, “can’t have you going soft on us. Fifteen should do it, unless you feel like doing more.”

“Yes ma’am.”

_Maybe I’ll trip Grayson while I’m out there._

Instead, Lana was blissfully alone on the track, just the stadium lights to keep her company. She stopped for a brief moment and stretched, one leg pulled up behind her by the ankle, neck cracking to one side then the other. Didn’t know what lap she was on; didn’t care. Had decided to stop counting; decided to run until her muscles ached and her heartrate got to that sweet point where it became like flight; until she didn’t feel anything anymore.

She sent her mother a message, quick and to the point:

_I’ll be home late, Coach wants me to run some laps. _

** _Just laps then home._ **

_Yeah, _she snapped a sweaty photo of her to prove it and sent it along

** _I trust you, Lana. I’ll keep your dinner warm_ **

** **

Replacing her ear buds, she flew off again, feet pounding and heart keeping time. In the distance she saw an orange glow light up the darkening night; it grew brighter then faded at regular intervals, and it took her a minute to figure out it was the end of a cigarette being smoked. As she rounded the track and neared the figure, she had a pretty good idea who she would find and so she slowed and tried to figure out what to do; _do I stop? Do I acknowledge her at all, or just keep going? Should I wave or- Goddess, has she been watching me this whole time? _A goosebump shiver rose along her ribs, not entirely uncomfortably.

She slowed to a stop in front of Liselle, putting on her biggest _well look who it is _smile and leaning on the low fence that separated the track from the rear of the complex.

“Hi,” she panted, that smile still in place; like she was just another classmate, did not have her insides in a knot; like the flush she felt had everything to do with the running, not the asari in front of her.

“Hi T’Soni,”

Lana watched her suck on the cigarette, noticing how her mouth moved around it, how her lips cushioned the butt end and her tongue danced as she spoke… “Got suspended, huh?”

“Yah,” so she had noticed. Maybe had been looking for her, and-

“That sucks…” Liselle leaned against the fence as well, and they were closer than they had been since the fight, when their touch had ignited a storm neither knew how to weather; that neither knew the other were sailing through, trying not to capsize and drown.

“I uh, actually wanted to apologize; I shouldn’t have done that the other day, I got carried away,”

Liselle cut her off, “Why would you apologize? I wanted to _thank_ you…”

“Oh.”

“Yah…”

_Why can’t I form a sentence around her? _

_Why is this so hard? It’s just Lana, Goddess, what is wrong with me?_

Liselle wasn’t really sure what she wanted to say, let alone how she wanted to say it, so defaulted to unruffled confidence; “It was actually pretty cool, T’Soni,” as she playfully hit her on the arm.

_Pretty cool? Goddess, Elle, you sound like an idiot._

_Pretty cool? God, she thinks I’m cool? I’m not cool… but she thinks I am! Oh, God… _

“Oh, okay, well, you’re welcome,” Lana hit her back, awkwardly, but tried to laugh it off. “They really shouldn’t have called you that…”  
“I know.” No big deal. No sweat off her back; definitely no sadness in those dark, dangerous, irresistible eyes and-

“So, you here watching Paul practice or play, or something?” Lana stretched her arms out behind her back as an excuse to do something with them, to get them away from Liselle’s body. She noticed just how sweaty she was and internally cringed.

“What?” Liselle furrowed her brow and Lana watched her marks pinch and swirl together, so white against her skin, “No, I was looking for you.”

“oh. _Oh_.” _What?_

_Oh Goddess, now I look like a creep…_

“I mean, just to say, you know, that. Like, thanks, and…” They both quickly looked away from each other, “Well, I guess I should let you finish this torture.”

Lana looked back at the track, at the growing night, at Liselle’s wonderful form, and the decision wasn’t hard;

“Oh, I’m done, actually.”

“Want a ride?” She offered it before she could second guess, before she could just turn and walk away, maintaining her airs; before Lana walked off into the night and she was left thinking about what-ifs for the rest of the day-

“Sure! I mean, if you don’t mind? Beats the walk. I just have to grab my stuff,” she motioned back to the other end of the oval track, and Liselle followed her eyes,  
“No problem, I’ll wait,” she couldn’t help but smile as she watched Lana run away; tried not to watch her too closely: the way her shorts clung to her legs and her breasts bounced in her sportsbra- lit another cigarette with trembling fingers and turned away, elbows rested on the top of the fence and eyes tracking the tree line instead of _her_.

_What have you gotten yourself into, Tevos?_

Lana followed Liselle to the parking lot, walking next to her but keeping a circumference of safety; a buffer of space that kept the tangled, messy, red lines of emotion in her chest from spilling out somehow. So sure she would look over at her and just _know _how she felt_._

Liselle unlocked the car and resisted the urge to open the door for her; had a flash-bang image of closing the distance between them and pressing Lana up against the shining veneer of the skycar; of running her hands along her sides and lifting her onto the hood and - made herself walk to the driver’s side instead.

_The fuck?_  
  


“Thanks for this, Liselle,” Lana spoke as she sat, shoving her backpack and gym bag into the seat behind her;

“You can call me Elle, T’Soni,” she replied without looking at her, arm draped over the back of the seat as she turned and checked the back window, reversing expertly. “Everyone does, or I guess did, at my old school.”

“Oh, okay, Elle. You can call me Lana…” She looked out the window, mumbling, “cause you know, it’s my name…” _Duh, God you’re an idiot… _No cool nickname for her, except Cuttlefish, which she would take with her to her grave.

“Yah, I remember,” Liselle laughed. Lana smiled back at her, unable to help herself; Liselle reached over and touched her on the leg, trying to ignore the burn under her fingers, “you’re funny, you know that?” _and you’re pretty cute too, you know that?_ Almost came spilling out._ Gorgeous, really… That smile is the loveliest thing I’ve ever seen-_ she kept those thoughts to herself, didn’t dare add them; didn’t dare let Lana know that she totally disarmed her; that she couldn’t form a sentence around her without her tongue feeling thick and dry and like it would run away from her if she let it; or that she couldn’t really look her in the eye, not really, not that T’Loak brand of piercing gaze that made folks wither and come undone.

_You’re beautiful, do _you_ know that? _Lana swallowed that reply down deep and just blushed instead, shrugging to try and keep her cool under her touch.

“It gets less funny the longer you know me, trust me,” is what she did say, around a grin that Elle returned; two grinning idiots, unknowingly thinking of the other;

Still, neither acknowledged that meld…

“This is my place,” Lana pointed to the large house that sat at the end of the block, and Liselle slowed down, pulling the car over and idling. She reached for her bags and hesitated before opening the door, unsure what to say, “Thanks again,”

“No problem. Anytime…” She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel, discomfort masked as impatience; Lana wanted those fingers wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer, pulling her into the backseat, where-

“Well, I should go,” she sputtered, her voice doing that terrible high-pitched thing it did when she was so awkward and- “Unless you want to come in and say hi to my parents, they’d probably kill me if I didn’t at least invite you.”

Liselle considered it.

_I’ve got you._

Considered the possibilities of being toured around the home, and eventually finding Lana’s bedroom, where they would talk about what posters she had on her walls, and what music she liked to listen to, and they would sit down on the bed and eventually- _what are you thinking, Elle? It’s Lana T’Soni… she’s a kid; she’s Liara and Shepard’s kid; and Paul-what about him-not that-I mean, it’s just a fling-_

_-fix you_

“Uh, oh, I think maybe I’ll pass this time, sorry,”

Lana pressed her lips into a thin line that barely passed as a smile, “Yah, of course-“

“I just have a long day tomorrow, with the dance after class and all,”

“Oh, you’re going?” Tried to keep her voice even, _maybe I’ll see you there? _She willed her lips to form those words, but they just wouldn’t come out.

“Well yah, we’re taking Paul’s littler sister, I guess his parents don’t want her to go alone?” Liselle felt a strange kind of simmer climb up into her chest; a searing scorch, a pot bubbling over.

Lana heart sank, _right, Paul, of course…_ the birds fluttering inside dropping from the sky in an instant; a quagmire of sludge in her gut. “Oh, yah, makes sense. I think Charli is going to… so I might be there.” Didn’t mention the gig. Couldn’t for the life of her remember now all the witty lines she had practiced inside her head a thousand times; the cool lean and name drop of _oh I’m in the band, _or the nonchalant _maybe I’ll see you there, Tevos, or-_

“Well, maybe I’ll see you there-“ Liselle plucked the notion from her head, and Lana briefly wondered if they were sharing thoughts again, if she could hear everything and now _knew everything and-_

“Yah, maybe; well, thanks again.” _Please come in… forget about Paul and his stupid smile and stupid hair, and-_

“My pleasure;” _Goddess, I shouldn’t have said that… “_See you, Lana.”

Gave a quick wave as the door closed; _maybe I should have gone in… There’s something about her that- _watched her walk up the front stairs and into the house – _is confusing…_

_‘When you depart from me sorrow abides, and happiness takes his leave…’_

As she pulled out from the curb and drove off towards home, she punched Paul’s number into the console, and began to debate what she was going to wear to this dance.


	5. Chapter 5

“You have tonight, that’s it,” Liara licked her finger and wiped a smudge off of Charlotte’s cheek,

“Mom, quit it,” she pulled away and Liara turned back to Lana, who was standing in the hall in a towel and nothing else, dripping wet from her shower and nodding.

“I know-“

“-You’re still grounded, but I appreciate the fact you are taking your responsibilities with the band very seriously, so you have _tonight_, that’s it-“

“Mom, _I know_.”

“As long as we’re clear,” Liara stood in the door of Charli’s room, hanging a smart outfit on the back of the door, ready for when she was.

“Very, Mother;” Lana chanced a grin, turning before she pushed it too far with her, and headed back into her room, where she opened her closet and flicked through her clothing like an explorer clearing jungle vines. She found what she was looking for: a mid-thigh length black halter dress that flowed off of her like water. She had worn it all of once, to some military function or another with her father, and knew it would impress. _If there’s any possibility of anything, this will do it,_ she thought as she threw on some underwear and then stepped into the dress, careful not to wrinkle it. She had a pair of low heels to go with it, she knew, so she took her time with her makeup, applying it subtlety with the exception of her mascara – heavy handed, long lashes – and lipstick, a dark blue colour that was eye-catching and so unlike the normal conservative look she sported.

She came downstairs with her shoes in hand, waiting for Charlotte to finish dressing, and her father whistled her approval. 

“Knock out, kid; who you trying to woo?”

Lana blushed and checked her reflection in the window, wondering the same thing.

“No one...”

“You look lovely, darling,” her mother kissed her and took her by the shoulders, having a good long look as Charli flew down the stairs to join them; her party dress a deep blue, and less revealing. “And so do you, Charlotte.”

“Ready?” Shepard grabbed the keys and held open the door, letting them go first. Liara met her at the threshold and smiled; another first for the family come and gone: both girls growing up too quickly. 

Jane leaned in for a kiss and Liara held her fast, her voice dropping to that octave that made her weak and wobbly; 

“Hurry home; I’ll be waiting;” she made sure the girls were in the car and undid a button or two, running her hand along her breast as she did; Shepard kissed her again, transfixed by the cleavage.

“Oh, you bet your sweet blue ass I will.”

***

The gymnasium was draped in all the best high school finery. Since soundcheck that afternoon somehow it had been transformed from its usual dull athletic space into a wonderland of dim lighting, twinkling lights, disco balls, and drapery. Punch and snack tables lined the edges and teachers were already mingling around, watching for would-be spikers and wandering hands.

The music was still low and serene as Lana let Charlotte off the metaphorical leash her parents still had on her; she was spending the night at her friend Ashanta’s house and her sister didn’t expect to see her again unless their paths crossed on the dance floor. She spotted Freya and Ryx by the fire door, talking animatedly; couldn’t see Liselle anywhere.

She waved and approached the pair, looking spiffy and polished in their finest as well.

“Ready to play?” Freya asked, “Nice dress!”

“Thanks,” Lana smiled, showing it off with a semi-twirl; she grabbed a cup of punch and took a sip, “Yah, we don’t go on for a while though; not until the DJ wants a break.” Freya nodded her understanding and sipped her drink as well; fruity and bubbly and so very modest. The gym slowly filled with teenagers of all ages; for some it was their first dance, for some their twelfth or twentieth. Being a mixed-species institute, some of her classmates had already been through their cycle of school, had graduated and grown and… Freya would be leaving her soon, just a few more short years until she was considered an adult, while Lana and Charlotte and all the other asari were stuck in high school limbo, growing slowly, slowly, slowly, until they were ready to pull their own teeth out to get out of there. To move onto Commando training or business school on Noveria; the University of Serrice, or the Armali Institute of Matriarchal Learning, or a thousand other universities all over Asari or Human space; dancers, mercs, indentured servants: all the typical Maiden adventures that awaited them all…

Lana lounged by the snack table closest to the door. The party was in full swing and she had yet to spy Liselle or – _God forbid_ – Paul; she was watching Ryx and Freya slow dance to some old Earth song, his hand on her waist, gently, her head on his bony shoulder. She couldn’t help feeling a little stupid, a little small; she tugged at her dress distractedly, her jaw flexing as she watched pairs of all kind sway; even spotted Charli with a turian much younger than Ryx on her arm. Her stomach clenched and she sighed, feeling that particular brand of slow-dance blues that gnawed at your insides and left it feeling cavernous. She turned to grab another drink and felt a warm hand in hers, tingling and light and –

“Hey T’Soni,” the voice brought her back planet-side. She snapped around and saw Liselle in front of her, smiling and astonishingly beautiful. Their hands lingered in each other’s for a moment, comfortable and easy, while they took each other in; Lana imagined she saw those vibrant purple eyes widen- _couldn’t be real, could it?_

“Elle, hey!”

She was wearing a loose white shirt that was cut wide, showing the top of her bra and most of her shoulders; dipped in all the right places and swooped in all the others. A pair of strategically torn red pants and her boots; she smelled fantastic, like mangos and citrus, and something a little spicy. _Ozone? Charcoal? _Lana thought, trying not to close her eyes against the intoxicating smell.

They both seemed to realize they were holding hands at the same moment and hastily dropped them; charged energy jumping between them at the memory of their last contact, the walls that had crumbled so easily, without any conscious input from them.

Liselle cleared her throat but smiled, “You look really nice – I mean, I really like your dress-it’s, uh- you look good in it-” _Maybe better out of it… _“I mean, it’s nice to see you.”

Did Lana see her blush?

She remembered some of those weaknesses she felt in the meld; maybe she wasn’t as menacing and cold as everyone thought…

“You look very nice too,” Lana mumbled in return, deciding to just take the chance; bite the bullet and leave breadcrumbs to be found along the way.

“Thanks…”

They stared at each other for a moment longer, as the slow song played around them, boring into their ears with its possibilities.

“Hey, do you wanna-” Lana spoke up, but not soon enough; she saw Tucker - lead singer and pianist – waving her over; _showtime. _Liselle followed her eyes and didn’t seem to hear her fractured question.

“Hmmm?”

“Oh, never mind, I actually gotta go play;” she pointed to the small stage and shrugged; she couldn’t read the look on Elle’s face, but thought maybe it was something close to impressed.

“You’re in the band?”

“Yah; we’re just covering the DJ break,” _no big deal. _

_Don’t wet your panties or anything… actually, please do. _

_What was in that drink? I thought this was supposed to be nonalcoholic? _She shrugged again, but tried to put on a rockstar smile; a look of curious fascination crossed Liselle’s face so quickly Lana barely had time to take it in. But it had been there.

“Cool,” she replied, “that’s, uh, really cool, actually.”

_Again? Man, two cools in one week; keep on keeping on T’Soni,_ Lana thought, her crooked smile growing bigger, her father’s mischievous and vagabond wit awakening in her.

“Well, see you later, Elle,” she tried to make it sound as effortless as Liselle had, and didn’t turn back around to check if she was watching her walk away.

_In the band, huh? _Liselle watched her go; watched the shape of her shoulder blades in the backless dress and her legs peeking out from the hem… shook her head, subtly, clearing the image from her brain and wondering how this strange girl had gotten under her skin so.

_She really does look amazing in that dress…_

_‘The Devil hath power,’ _she thought, _‘to assume a pleasing shape…’_

_Shit… _

She looked around quickly for Paul to save her from her own heart; still, watched Lana mount the stage and mingle with her bandmates, tuning and checking mics once last time.

_Violin. She plays violin... I remember now. _

_Could play me like a violin, if I let her, if I... _She imagined just what a violinist’s fingers were capable of while she waited for the music to begin.

It was a spectacle;

The band played their odd mix of indie-rock, almost carnival-like in its tempo and tone. Large and layered, the sound drew them all in; a circus of freaks. Liselle stood next to the punch bowl and leaned against the wall, watching them play and digging it; eyes squinted, head bobbing and heeled foot moving with the music; had inherited a little of her father’s talent after all, had spent a lot of hours proving she just wasn’t good enough to pursue it. Watched Lana with some curiosity, her violin singing over the lower instruments with ease.

A slower song began, just a piano a scruffy-fragile, almost nasal voice, and she leaned up and off the wall, pulling her smokes from her purse; flicked one out made a move to head outside. Instead she was caught off guard; one by one the instruments came in and came to life: a high-hat and snare rhythm from the drummer, the first few chords of guitar, a soft bassline, the deep backbone of the cello as if a twin to that bass; then Lana and her violin; it soared over the rest of the mix, the main melody overtaking the piano’s counterpoint. It was haunting and ragged and mournful and her fingers moved along the neck as she got lost in the beauty of it. She closed her eyes and played, her hands creating notes, but her heart creating the music; the strings vibrated into Liselle’s ears, and she felt the essence of _her_ travel down her spine, through her heart. Sonorous and melancholy it physically hurt; pulled the most delicious sorrow from her very center. It was like beautiful heartbreak, her and her violin, and Liselle saw the sweat on her brow, the way her arms moved as she bowed; the flex of muscles and the snap of tendons; her fingers, so talented and quick and lovely and long. It felt like cathartic grief, that instrument, and Elle noticed she had been holding her breath; had forgotten about Paul next to her, forgotten about the pack of smokes in her hand, the crowd pressing around her, about her journey here from the Citadel, about being Pureblooded; all she saw was _her_.

_Oh shit._

Lana came off the stage sweating and smiling in equal measure; the DJ was back at his post, but the thunderous applause was still ringing in her ears. Freya and Ryx met her at the bottom of the stage stairs and Freya hugged her, “Great show; so good.”

“Thanks,” she was looking over their shoulders for Liselle, scanning the crowd and hoping, expecting her to materialize. Was so sure she was going to be there. Freya handed her drink to her boyfriend and patted Lana’s shoulder,

“I’m gonna pop to the washroom, joining?” Lana shook her head, perhaps a bit too impatiently,

“Nah, I’m fine, I’m just gonna wait here, uh, for Charli,” Freya shrugged and went on her way, leaving Ryx and Lana alone.

“I see the way you look at her;” he broke the silence. Lana narrowed her eyes, concern all over her face,

“Well, I mean, look at her, who wouldn’t?”

Ryx’s mandibles spread in a grin, humor in his eyes,

“Chill, man, I just wanted to let you know-“

“Listen, she’s with Paul and I’m not a strapping eighteen-year-old male, so…”

“She looks at you too, you know….” He mumbled, “just so you know.”

_Did she? Really? _

She excused herself and headed to the punch table - the one that may or may not have been tainted based on her mounting courage - to grab a drink. _No, drinks; one for me, one for her, and I’ll actually ask her to dance this time and-_ as if on cue the music faded, intimate and low, and she found her destination, taking two red cups off a plastic tablecloth, willing the crowds to part and show her the way.

Liselle was standing by the back wall, leaning and alone. Lana stormed the breach, cups in hand, heart on fire. _I am brave, I am brave, I am brave, _she thought, unaware of just how much her father’s daughter she was in that moment.

“Hey,” Lana held out the drink to her in greeting,

“Lana,” she took the drink and sipped, not noticing the subtle alcohol taste, not noticing the flat soda, or the watery, melted ice; just noticing her. Wanted to move closer, to take her hand and lead her to the floor and press their bodies close; to smell her smell and taste her lips and- “That was incredible.”

“Liselle, do you want to dance-?”

“I-“

A large and pale hand came from nowhere and grabbed Liselle’s slender wrist, pulling her away with a gentle tug, “Lis, come on; I love this song!” _Paul…_

Liselle hastily shoved her cup into Lana’s free hand and looked back over her shoulder, mouthing ‘sorry,’ and looking apologetic. Within moments she was in his arms.

Lana stared, her stomach a roiling pit of agony, all bile and whirling, grinding hate; wretched, open expanses of heaving loneliness.

She sat on the front steps of the school, against one metal railing, pulling her dress down over exposed knees. She wiped her nose with the back of her hand and felt, for the first time in a long time, like a little girl.

Like the little girl who had followed Liselle around like a love-struck puppy; who would never be the equal of someone like her, like him; the tension pulled on her face, and she looked down at her dress. Wished she could rip it off and run into the night.

She felt the tears in her eyes before they fell, large and wet and slow.

How had she been so stupid?

_Someone like her could never look twice at someone like me…_

She was dangerous and magnificent; like Lily of the Valley, coaxing you in, seducing you with its natural beauty, until its toxicity was seeping into your body and soul and-

_No, that’s not fair, _she thought, wiping her eyes and realizing too late her makeup was smudged now. _It’s not her fault; she didn’t do anything to lead you on, she was just herself; _you’re _the one who imagined things; saw things that were not there…_

_Am I not good enough for you?_

Did _he_ know how she felt inside, really? Did he see the torment and sadness under the facade? Not the Liselle she had been drawn to - the one with the legs and the breasts of a goddess and the airs of a fairy-tale queen - but the real Liselle.

The one who was lonely and afraid and so lost under it all.

The one she had uncovered unexpectedly, and fallen in love with effortlessly.

Cause she knew, now, that she had fallen irrevocably down the rabbit hole of her;

_‘In another moment down went Lana after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again…’_

_Why would I ever think she would turn him aside in favour of this? For one silly little asari who she knew once upon a time?_

It just hurt so much.

Liselle watched Lana stalk out into the night from her place on Paul’s shoulder, heavy hearted and burning with shame.

_I should have followed her; I should have danced with _her_. Should have shoved him aside and not laughed at his jokes, or let him take me in his arms; _

Breaking her heart with her flippant disregard of the situation; clinging to the comfortable acceptance she had carved out.

The song ended and he grinned and bowed and she gave him her fakest smile before excusing herself to the ladies’ room; needed to clear her head.

She washed her hands and exited the bathroom; almost went left, to find the missing T’Soni, but just sighed and decided she should rejoin the dance, find Paul and announce her departure. She didn’t want to be here anymore; wanted to find Lana and explain, and see just what she felt when she looked at her again…

She walked into the swell of people, looking for him. The crowd moved as one, and it took all the T’Loak she could muster to get them to let her through; she saw him pushed close to another body, watched in silence as he kissed her, hard and fast; as Angela’s hands traveled up his chest, her fingers in his hair and his shirt-tail untucked in the back. He opened his eyes and caught her looking – a voyeur, an intrusion – and he quickly stepped away, “Liselle-“

He dropped Angela like a hot poker and tried to follow her out; she turned and stared at him, her face hard, her eyes sharp;

“Really, Paul?” He tried to grab her hand, to make her listen, but she spun out of his grip, throwing her hands up – the obvious threat of biotics making him take a step back; “that’s close enough.”

“Lis, I didn’t-“

“Don’t bother. Just go; I’m sure she’s waiting.”

She debated causing a scene, decided she really didn’t care… leaving sounded much better; much safer. Just wanted to get into her skycar and fuck off into the night; her heels clicked along the corridor, echoing loudly in the emptiness. She slowed her footfalls as she neared the door; saw her through the glass, flattened and alone on the front stairs; subdued.

_Lana…_

Liselle swallowed hard and closed her eyes; she had done this to this wonderful creature. This awkward, lovely, not-quite-woman who brightened up her days here and made her smile.

For what? Some guy who turned his back as soon as she left the room?

Watched her shoulders hitch.

_Please don’t cry…_

Brought out things in her she hadn’t felt in years; brought out a feeling she had never

known before… who lit her skin on fire with a touch of her hand, and who had dug to the very depths of her being without meaning to; who knew exactly what was brewing in the tempest of her darkest heart.

_I will try to fix you…_

_Oh, Lana… I’m sorry._

She opened the door slowly, giving her time to hide her face, or get up and leave, or curse her out; she didn’t. Just sat there, crying, quietly.

So, sat next to her, the concrete cold under her thighs.

“Hi,”

“Hey.” Lana wiped her face with the back of her arm, not trying to hide it. Not caring at all anymore.

“I didn’t think I’d see you again tonight… I’m glad you’re still here.”

“Oh yah?” She stared down at her feet, bare where she had kicked her shoes off, not ready to look up and see Elle next to her; didn’t know what to expect on her face: shame, anger, pity? _The little kid crying over a crush gone wrong; poor kid, I better go comfort her… _she thought, bitterly. “Where’s Paul?”

“Fuck Paul,” Liselle bumped her with her shoulder, let their bodies stay close; comfort in the cold weather and chilly mood. Lana looked up at her, finally, eyes shining with tears that were no longer falling;

“I’d rather not,” she replied, trying not to smile; trying not to get her hopes up again and-

“Yah, me either…”

She laughed then, for real, unable to help it; it was watery and weak, but she could feel her joy returning, slowly. Trepidatiously.

They sat in silence as Liselle lit a cigarette, watching skycars pass, stopping now and again to pick up the odd teenager who was fleeing the night early, or dropping off a straggler. Liselle chewed her lip, watching Lana from the side of her eye; didn’t know what to say. How to say it. All the thoughts trapped in her head, muddled and bursting to get out.

_What would Dad do?_ She thought, somberly. _She would never be stuck for words, unable to act, unable to sort out the maelstrom of emotions holding her hostage…_

“So,” Lana spoke before she could; “I guess I better get back in there. Freya’s probably wondering where I am.” Hoped not too many people had seen her flight; hoped Charli hadn’t seen her flee – she’d never hear the end of it.

“Don’t go;” Liselle surprised herself, the voice coming from her mouth not her own; too soft, too pleading, but just right.

_I’ve got you…_

She hesitantly placed her hand over Lana’s, the warmth emanating from her skin a mooring in the night. Lana wrapped her fingers around it, meeting her gaze for the first time; her eyes so bright and so green, dancing in the streetlamp light.

_I could love those eyes, _Liselle thought, absently, _they were deep and wide and stunning; a green she had never seen before, like rolling fields of clover._

Lana licked her lips, nervously; _I could get lost in her, _she thought, staring into her; _taken, forsaken, abandoned in that violet eternity…_

“I’m sorry,” Elle confessed, looking away for just a moment,

“For what?” Lana was taken aback.

“For not seeing… you,” _right there, in front of me._

“Don’t be; it’s okay…” _I’m here now, still. _

They were closer than they had been before;

“I should go…” Softly; the exact opposite of what she was actually doing; leaning in and-

“Don’t.”

A subtly leaned head, transfixed on the blue lips so close to her; a titled chin, stroked by a purple finger; mouths close, breath visible in the autumn air,

Lana’s hand squeezing hers, this connection the only lifeline keeping them from floating away; whispering next to her lips: “I’ve got you.”

A horrible, jangling _honk honk honk_ broke the spell and made them jump. Left them gasping and retreating back to their own skins; just a spark left. A single electric moment that had almost happened.

Just a spark.

But you couldn’t start a fire without it.

“Tevos! Come on, get in!”

A gaggle of rowdy youths – Paul’s friends Lana guessed by looking at them – were hanging out of windows and sunroofs; Liselle grinned, turning to her,

“T’Soni, you wanna go to a real party?”


	6. Chapter 6

The fire burned hot and bright, like them.

Freya left behind. Her violin left behind. Just her and Liselle with the rest of the night and its possibilities in front of them.

Somewhere in the distance a console played the kind of music only teenagers enjoyed, while couples and friends alike mingled, sitting on logs, camp chairs, the hard ground; a few brave souls were doing some kind of maneuver Liselle had called a ‘keg stand,’ and Lana kept looking over at them, wondering how they weren’t dead yet. She sincerely hoped they would live through the night, as one of them had handed them drinks as they passed, and she hoped to get more, eventually. It made her skin warm and her head buzz, but in a good way. More kids catcalled and ran around in the forest and fields of the Grayson family home, Omni-tools lighting their way as they played some kind of pubescent capture the flag, the flag being, well- she cleared her throat, uncomfortably at that notion.

The only thing missing was the prodigal son himself.

Liselle had introduced her around the group, Lana quickly warming up to the older crowd, the vodka drank in the skycar on the way over sneaking into her brain, loosening her tongue and stripping her of any latent T’Soni shyness.

They weren’t as scary as she thought – these kids – less concerned with her age than she thought they would be, out here, removed from the corralling halls of their school.

“Oh, like Dr. T’Soni’s kid?” An older asari with large arms and pink skin had exclaimed, “she’s my Ancient Studies prof, right on!”

She had blushed then, the sane, rational, childish part of her clinging to the hope that this monster of a woman wouldn’t be telling a certain Doctor T’Soni anything.

They played a fantastically bad game of beer pong, Liselle’s arms wrapped around her comfortably, as pretext of ‘showing her how it was done.’ Lana took to it – both the embrace and the game - immediately but still chugged down all the beer out of pure excitement, until Elle shook her head and led her to the comfort of the fire.

Liselle gave Lana the tree stump to sit on and lounged next to her on the ground, leaning her body subtly into her bare legs. Where they touched it seemed to tingle, and she was very glad for the low lighting of the campfire, hiding her insecurities. Lana rested her arm easily on her shoulder, as they listened to the crackling twigs and static music; she sipped her drink and smiled, this moment washing over her, making her feel important and grown up and relaxed, despite the snakes in her belly, dancing to the flute of Liselle’s touch. Her thumb was roaming the cracked leather of her jacket, inattentively, and she felt her take a deep breath in response; drew back a little.

“Don’t stop,” Elle said, faintly, not looking up at her, but straight at the burning logs, “it felt nice.”

“Oh.” Didn’t know what else to say, so downed her beer, “I just didn’t know- I mean, you’re with Paul,” _and why would I even think you’d want to – someone like me – and-_

Liselle finally did look up at her, “I’m not with Paul. Not anymore.”  
“Oh.” _Is that all I know how to say?! God… _Liselle took her empty cup and filled it from the bottle of rum next to her on the ground; took a sip before handing it back. Didn’t love it, but her father did, and so she was trying to develop a taste; trying so hard. She preferred her mother’s oaky wines, or a good pint of beer; Lana seemed to like whatever had alcohol in it. She smiled at that thought and shuffled off the ground and onto the log where she sat; Lana looked at her – really looked at her – and set her jaw;

“He doesn’t deserve you, Elle.” She didn’t reply right away, just stared back.

“Well, I’m at his party, and he’s not, so… I win;” they both grinned as Elle tipped her cup in a cheers.

“True,” Lana leaned into her again, shivering a little; her light dress no match for the coming winter. “Can we move this thing closer to the fire?”

“Here,” Liselle shrugged off her jacket and draped it over her shoulders, letting her thread her arms through it, “looks better on you anyway.” She smiled. They both swallowed, hard, memories of each other’s lips – so close, so tempting – resurfacing. “Is this weird?”

Lana looked over at her, still pressed into her, and shook her head, “No. Is it?”

“I dunno… maybe? I mean, our dads dated, our parents are best friends, it’s just so,” _incestuous _“weird… what if it-“ _all goes wrong?_

“Sorry, what? Our dads what?” Lana cocked her head to the side, eyes wide and mouth slightly open; if she hadn’t been another asari who had spoken, she would have questioned her translator.

“Oh, Goddess, you didn’t know?” Liselle didn’t know if she should laugh or cry, staring at her staring back; could see the wheels turning in that head,

“No! No… come on, they did not…”

“Oh, they did,” she was grinning now, trying not to laugh at the younger girl’s shock. “They were fucking for like, ever. Like, it was bad, apparently, for like my mom and your mom and-“

“They were _fucking_?”

“No, they were cuddling… come on, T’Soni…”

“Oh my God, I think I’m gonna puke,” she hit her, close fisted, on the arm and Liselle flinched away, laughing for real now,

“What? I know you think my dad’s hot,” _cause you think I’m hot, so… _“_Everyone_ thinks my dad is hot, trust me, I’ve heard it all.” Lana raised one brow marking, in a ‘well, yah,’ gesture; a ‘well, the apple doesn’t fall very far,’ gesture.

“Sorry, I just can’t deal. You just seriously fucked up my world,” she took another drink of rum and pulled Liselle’s coat tighter around her, “how am I ever going to look them in the eyes ever again?”  
“Yah, I guess it’s easier to accept when you’ve known practically your whole life,” she screwed up her face in a sideways kinda way, shrugging. “Dad doesn’t hide much. Wish she hid more to be honest. You have _no idea_ how many times I’ve walked in on them doing things you wouldn’t even imagine-“ _things I am now imagining doing to you… Shit._

Lana looked scandalized, and Elle quickly continued, “My parents, not your dad! I did not walk in on your dad doing anything…”

“-Oh Goddess, now I’m picturing that too, Elle, stop!” But she was laughing, trying not to replace the two figures in her mind with them.

Trying not to imagine her fingers on her skin in that most intimate way, where they would lightly stroke and pull and fill her- shook it out of her head, a strange fuzzy feeling dancing between her thighs; in her heart. Their laughter slowly died down and she got lost in that thought for a while, staring into the dancing flames, as it spat and cracked at them, swirling flames dancing with each other, through each other; twirling storm of hot-blooded desire in her stomach.

“Do you miss the Citadel?”

“No, not really,” their legs were turned into each other, knees touching, “I mean, I miss the nightlife, and a few people… I miss the comforts of living in a place that never sleeps. I don’t miss the school.” Lana looked over at her, watching the fire flicker off her face,

“What happened?”

She shrugged, “nothing happened. I don’t know why people assume something did. I’m not my father,” _no matter how hard I try._

“I know,” _believe me, I do, _“I don’t though – assume – I just didn’t know why you’d come back here.”

She was silent for a moment, “cause I was miserable. You know that-“ the untouchable subject breached, finally. Accidentally.

“Oh. Yah, I do… I mean, I thought maybe…” she trailed off, not sure what to say,

_I’ve got you…_

“Anyway, I hated every minute of it,” _I was lonely and scared and missed my mom and dad… _she added internally, but put on her best shark-grin instead, “What does my dad say? ‘Bureaucratic hellhole?’ ‘Sickeningly uptight?’” The drawl was perfect Aria;

Lana stood, suddenly, and saluted her, “I’m Commander Shepard, and this is my favourite azure on the Citadel,”

Liselle snorted rum out of her nose, but quickly recovered, leaning back on the log and adopting her father’s pose to a T: legs crossed, one arm over the back of an imaginary seat, surveying her nails and the world simultaneously; Lana’s breath left her. She might as well have been a clone; the slope of her nose and the shape of that jaw; the piercing eyes that were ice and wisdom somehow at once; perpetually hard unless you looked - really looked - and were lucky enough to find the safety in their depths. Liselle did her best Aria impression again, “Maybe I’ll let you break Omega’s only rule; just don’t ruin my couch.”

The collapsed in laughter, clutching their drinks.

“I think I’m drunk,” Lana confessed,

“Nah, you’re fine.”

“You will have to seduce my dad to get my ass out of jail if she finds out.” They snorted, tears rolling down their faces until their sides hurt and they couldn’t breathe.

“Okay, you might be a little drunk, to even suggest that; Goddess, I wouldn’t even know where to begin with your father; she does seem to _really_ like Asari though…”

Lana looked down at her from under her lashes, “you could always practice on another Shepard, if you want…”

It took Liselle a moment to figure out what she meant, until Lana took her by the hand and dragged her to her feet:

“Lana…”

“Dance with me, Elle;” the fire in her belly only grew hotter, from booze or from lust she didn’t know; just took her by the waist, slowing her pace and tucking her head into the crook of her shoulder.

“Lana…”

“_Shush,_ just dance with me,” _no big deal. No big commitment, _“just one dance, Elle.” They fit together like puzzle pieces, long limbs moving together seamlessly despite the alcohol and their pounding hearts. They danced in the firelight, to some stupid song that Lana would now never forget, and Lana reached up and ran the back of her hand along the markings on Liselle’s face; down her neck, where she could feel her pulse, rapid and strong. She placed a tender kiss on that cheek, and Liselle burned, her skin aflame where her lips had touched; swooned on her feet. Drew her closer and rested her forehead against Lana’s, swaying together, unbothered by the crowd, or the cold, or their hesitations.

Blue and red lights lit up the night and they blinked against the suddenness, as sirens wailed – _whoop, whoop -_ their warning. Lana’s eyes went wide, and Liselle turned for a moment, confirming;

“Shit, cops!”

“I’m underage, my dad really will kill me;” somehow still laughing.

“Come on!” Liselle took her hand and took off, dragging her through the field and into the tree line. They ran, hand in hand, laughing the whole way; through scratches from shrubs and the dark of the woods, through frigid brook water and low-hanging branches, until they came out in the clearing.

Tumbling into the field on unsteady feet, Lana’s legs torn to shreds from the undergrowth and her dress full of mud, they panted with their hands on their knees. The sound of the broken-up party was far away and faded, and Lana finally took a moment to really take stock of where they were and what she had gotten herself into.

“I lost my shoe,” she said, meekly, and Liselle looked at her for a moment, bursting out into laughter again. She turned on the light function of her Omni-tool and began the search for the missing footwear in earnest, Lana holding up the rear.

“Oh! Found it,” she bent down to grab it and stumbled; fell into the wet grass and musty leaves, Lana bumping into her and piling on top.

“Thanks for looking…”

She was straddling her, her knees on either side of her hips, dress hiked up just high enough- Liselle’s hands went to her thighs, her core aching at the thought of what lay just on the other side of that hem; impossibly blue thighs, warm despite the cold; ran up them a little, teasing the edge of her skirt.

Liselle finally replied, “I wasn’t looking…”

Lana’s breath hitched at the touch, at the feeling of her fingers on her exposed skin, so, so, very close to her azure, and she placed her hands over top, guiding them inward; upward. Liselle began to softly stroke soft skin that had never been touched, so close to her very center and Lana leaned down over her, their noses touching. She placed her own hands on either side of Liselle’s face.  
“But I’m glad I found you…”

“Elle…”

Her lips were so close, right there for the taking, and Liselle wanted to claim them with her own; she could smell the liquor on her breath and see the heavy-lidded desire she felt reflected back at her. She really was beautiful; breathtakingly so. she looked a lot like Liara, but she could see the Shepard in her, with those cheekbones and dancing green eyes. She took in her periwinkle skin and sweet little nose; those freckles. She wanted to memorize every last one. Write sonnets about them.

She reached up and touched her cheek, traced her freckles with her fingertips.

“I’m no good for you, T’Soni…”

“I don’t care.”

_I will try to fix you._

She turned her face away, and Lana took it in stride despite the disappointment smoldering in her stomach and igniting a stab of pain in her chest. She nestled against Elle’s breasts, suddenly very drunk and very tired, and Liselle relinquished, wrapping her arms around her and holding her close.

“Let’s get you home.”


	7. Chapter 7

Liselle guided her up the stairs and let her lean on the railing as she unlocked the door. She watched as the taxi pulled away, wondering if her father would kill her for leaving her own car at the school. She led Lana inside, quietly shutting the door behind them, trying not to stare as Lana bent over and eased off her shoes. The house was dark and silent and Liselle felt around for the controls, turning on some subdued lighting. As she beckoned Lana to follow her down the hall, she saw the flicker of blue that signaled someone was awake and in the living room, and she popped her head in, cautiously. Her father sat on the couch, watching a news program with the volume low; she nodded her greeting, then smirked as Lana came around the corner as well.

“Hey Aunt Aria!” Lana’s voice was a mock-whisper, too loud, too harsh.

“Hello, Blue;” she flicked a wrist at them, raising her brows at Liselle in a ‘really? Her?’ _Surely is my child…_ she thought, remembering back to how Shepard usually handled her booze. To how she usually _handled Shepard_ \- literally.

“She’s a little drunk, Dad,” Liselle left Lana at the threshold and sat next to her father, voice low, “and she’s grounded…”

“Say no more; I got it.” There was a small smirk playing on her face, and she stood, motioning for her daughter to do the same, “get her into bed - _her own bed_ -“ Liselle blushed, “before she pukes on my marble, and leave it to me.”

Aria crept up the stairs on socked feet, hearing the sound of glasses clinking and taps running on the main floor where Elle had her bedroom; the door of the bathroom opening and shutting and someone milling about in the kitchen. She opened the master bedroom door and sat on the edge of the bed, next to Thea’s sleeping form, and grabbed her bondmate’s Omni-tool, typing out a quick message.

_Is it fine for Lana to sleep here tonight?_

She tried to adopt Tevos’ manner of speaking; not hard after so many decades.

_We invited her before we realized she was to be home at a certain time; she is insistent she go home, but I told her I would ask you._

Thea stirred next to her, the orange light waking her, “I can hear you typing, Aria…”

“Go back to sleep, Thea,” she said, not unkindly. “Just sending Big Blue a message.”

“From my Omni-tool,” Tevos rolled over and stared at her, propped up on one elbow;

_Never missed a trick; that’s why I married her_, Aria thought, still waiting for a reply.

“Should I ask?”

“It’s almost as if you don’t trust me,” the message pinged up at her:

** _That is fine, Thea. Thank you for inviting her, and I suppose we can let her out for one whole night; please let her know she is to be home tomorrow, no exceptions._ **

Aria smirked, showing the message thread to her wife; “See, don’t worry about it.”

“Lana is here?” Thea took the Omni-tool and replied to Liara for real:

_Of course; sleep well. Sorry if I disturbed your night._

** _Not at all; you as well._ **

“She is, and she’s drunk,”

Thea nodded, slowly, understanding now. Wondering just how Ms. Lana T’Soni-Shepard had ended up drunk; not wondering too hard, “and Liselle?”

“Not so drunk; can handle her booze like her father, it seems. Go back to sleep,” she kissed her and squeezed her shoulder before leaving the room.

Liselle guided Lana into her room, shutting the door quietly and listening for her father’s footsteps; heard her make her way back down to her place on the couch as she dug through drawers, looking for something Lana could wear. Lana swayed slightly on her feet, taking in Liselle’s room; realized she had never been in here before. The Tevos-T’Loak clan had lived in a smaller townhouse when they were kids, and this door had always been shut when she came for dinner with her parents after Elle had moved away.

“I found you some pjs,” Liselle took her glass of water and placed it on bedside table before handing her the clothing.

“Thanks,” Lana replied; began to strip off her dress. Liselle went the colour of wine grapes and turned away, hastily, barely able to avoid seeing her small black underwear and bare chest. Lana didn’t seem to care. Liselle cleared her throat and dug her own sleepwear from her dresser, not changing, but just holding them close to her chest and willing her heartrate to return to normal. The image of the side of her breast, soft and smooth and blue, seared into her brain. She heard the bedsprings creak and turned back around in time to see Lana slip under the covers, adjusting the pillow.

“Um, let me know if you need anything…” She didn’t want to leave. Didn’t want to try and sleep with the image of Lana alone in her bed in her brain, doing inexplicable things to her; but her father was right there. Her doubts too.

“You’re leaving?” Lana mumbled, half asleep already.

“Yah…” Liselle found herself sitting on the edge of the bed, her cool hand a lifeline against Lana’s forehead, “but I’ll just be right out there.”

“Okay… But you could stay…” she was drifting off, “with me. I would love that. I could love you, you know…”

“I know…” she whispered; sure she wouldn’t remember any of this in the morning. She leaned down and kissed her forehead, on impulse, and heard Lana sigh into it. _I could too…_

She changed quickly, privately as she could, and turned off the light, the soft sleeping sounds coming from Lana serenading her. She grabbed her own water and slunk back to the living room, plopping down on the couch next to Aria, who wordlessly wrapped her arm around her; all the tensions and desires of youth heavy in the air. Aria had to keep from grinning; had to remind herself just how real this all was to them. How real it had felt to her, once upon a time, when she had to choose to let half of her heart walk away.

“Go to sleep, kid,” she pulled Liselle closer, letting her lay her head on her shoulder, after tossing her a large blanket from the end of the couch. “Everything will work out.”

Liselle drifted off, against her father’s protective body, long before Aria retired upstairs; tucking her in before she did.

***

Shepard swung the keys around on her pointer finger, whistling and practically skipping up the front steps. The prospect of her bondmate on the other side of the door - the house blissfully free from bickering teenagers - was heaven. She threw open the door and carefully locked it behind her, calling out, “Liara?” The house was quiet and she stepped hurriedly out of her shoes, unbuttoning her shirt as she vaulted the stairs; the door to their master was open a crack and she grinned, pushing it open with one finger and leaning against the frame.

“Ma’am, I got here as fast as I could,”

Liara was indeed waiting, the glass of wine she held out to Jane the only accessory she had.

“I am so glad you could come, Commander,” her eyes were dark and wanton, looking up at Shepard with an unbridled need.

Shepard chuckled, deep and in her throat, and took the wine. She placed it on the bedside table and shrugged her button up off her shoulders; went to undo her fly. “Not yet; not without you.”

Liara slid off the bed and removed her hands, guiding them up to her breasts, pressing them into her. Shepard groaned, massaging her flesh and feeling her hardening nipples under her palms as Liara went to work on her pants, slowly undoing the top button and zipper while she arched into Jane’s touch, and stripping her bare. They stood, naked flesh on naked flesh, and explored mouths and breasts and wetness until Jane slid down her body, removing her hands from her chest only to run them over her ribs, her waist - gently coaxing her to sit - her legs. She knelt in front of Liara, like a pilgrim in front of the Goddess, and Liara felt the callouses on her palms on the inside of her thighs; she trembled, the soft skin under those wonderful hands coming to life with anticipation. Shepard cupped her calves and kissed her knees, dragging her tongue over the skin her hands had left lonely and bare, and Liara let out a little ‘_oh_’ that sent a bolt of molten lightning between her own legs, empty and throbbing.

“Jane…” she leaned back on her arms as Shepard ran a thick finger up and through her lips, found them wet and wanting; began to stroke her, slowly, with those large, strong hands. Hands Liara came undone under every time. She lifted her hips and began to rock into the sensation, gently; Jane chuckled again, placing her other hand on her thigh to ground her, bring her back down to where she could reach. She found what she was looking for, rubbing her clit in slow, deliberate circles, the other hand traveling up her body again, kneading one breast; pinching one dark blue nipple, gently, every now and again.

Shepard spread her legs wide, Liara’s feet planted on the floor and her azure open and waiting; she dipped her head and tested her with her tongue, teasing the entrance. Liara leaned back further, a creeping smile on her lips, “Yes…” Felt Shepard’s grin against her most sensitive place.

Then she’s inside, tongue just long enough to make her gasp, but not thick enough to give her that full feeling she craves now; not hard enough to fill her. She rocked on her all the same, a blue hand in red hair, pulling her closer, to where Jane had no choice but to pull back and seal her lips around her clit, drawing it in and _sucking_. Liara gasped again; rotating her hips in time with her talented mouth, loosing herself in the sensation overload. “More,” she managed to rasp out -moan - and Shepard took her request in stride, feeling her own wetness beginning to make itself known on her thighs, on her pubic hair. She slipped two fingers inside, curling them up and in and Liara let out a long sigh; her legs shaking, her back arching as Shepard slowing fucked her with those fingers.

“I need more…” She managed to croak out, “I need you inside of me, all of you. _Please_,”

It’s the pleading tone of the word ‘please’ that breaks her; and Shepard is on her feet in an instant, grabbing her and taking her in scorching kiss;

Liara tasted herself on her lips and blushed an irrational blue, pressing into her as she kissed her way down her neck and chest.

She was as lovely as ever and her blue skin shone in the dim light their lamps cast. Stretch marks and crow’s feet and tiny imperfects marred the once youthful body, but Shepard loves this body more. This Liara more. The one who has loved her for half a century; the one who built a life and a home and carried her children, and had only grown more confident and determined and devilish with time.

_‘We were barely 18 when we crossed collective hearts_

_It was cold, but it got warm when you barely crossed my eye_

_And then you turned, put out your hand_

_And you asked me to dance_

_I knew nothing of romance, but it was love at second sight’_

Wanted forever with her. _A thousand years. Till the day you die…_

She reached over as Shepard worshipped her body, and pulled her cock out of the bedside drawer, trying to find the buttons to activate it by feel, by memory. “Liara…” It was like a prayer on the wind, next to her ear, as Jane moved up her body and captured her between her arms.

“I want your cock inside of me, Jane,” she whispered next to her cheek, tugging on her earlobe with her teeth and darting her tongue into her ear. “I want you inside my azure, I want to make you come…”

Shepard groaned, from deep within her chest; like her heart was breaking, like she was being subjected to the most wonderful torture. It drove Shepard mad when she was so unbelievably lustful, and Liara knew it. Exploited it sometimes. This time the need was sincere; she thought she might die if Jane wasn’t filling her within a minute. She took the limp toy from her and reached down, inserting it with practiced ease; it sprang to life immediately, reading her body temperature and pulse and wetness. She palmed it, stroking it a few times to get it caught up to speed with the situation at hand, but her wife gently pressed her back, reversing their positions with biotics.

Liara straddled her, meeting that softening gaze; the unfocused look in her eyes she got when trying to take in every inch of her at once, and reached down between them, taking her into her hand and stroking, slow and steady and even. As it got thicker and longer there was no resistance, and Liara picked up the pace, using the pad of her thumb to gather wetness and making Shepard groan as her hand slid up and down and around her shaft: Liara somehow always looked so demure with her member in her hand, in her mouth, and it made Shepard insane with raw need to fuck her. She dipped her head and brought her lips close to the head, kissing it gently before she swirled her tongue around the base of it, dragging it up along the veins and down again. Shepard grunted, the hotness of her breath a welcome relief from the cold when it was missing; she took her in, then, wrapping those blue lips around the tip and letting her tongue press there; driving her wild. Her cheeks hollowed as she sucked, lashing her tongue against her, letting Jane stroke her sensitive crest, shuddering under that touch just as much as Jane was under her tongue.

“Oh fuck, come here-“ Shepard sprang up and flipped her onto her stomach, animalistic need overtaking their usual slow, sensual lovemaking. Not to be outdone, Liara lifted her hips, so exposed and vulnerable; so inviting. Jane practically growled, running her fingers along her swollen azure, coaxing her to her hands and knees and bending over her; looming. She teased her entrance with the blunt head, moaning at the warmth and wetness and heat, she heard Liara sob, wanting so much more of her. She entered her then, with one solid movement, and Liara collapsed onto the bed from the sheer pleasure, her breasts dragging along the fabric as Shepard’s movement began and rocked her to her core. Thick and hard and so full, she felt every inch of her moving inside of her. She righted herself, hands fisting the sheets as she began to move as well, meeting Jane’s every thrust with her own, trying to drag out the delicious feeling of her sliding in and out, along her walls, against that beautiful secret spot inside. 

“Goddess…” She managed to croak out, trying to grind back against her wife; it was a loosing battle and she dissolved into tiny cries, the mattress muffling the sound as her head tipped forward, Shepard’s hands on her back, on her hips, driving into her. She would have bruises for a week.

“_Shepard!_”

“Oh,_ Liara, God_, I love you-“ Jane almost whimpered, so at odds with her pounding force;

“Goddess, it feels so good… You make me feel so good-” her sentence fractured, her voice low and lewd;

“Fuck, Liara—"

“Make me come, Shepard; make me come,” it was desperate, raw, her voice creaking; “_Please_…” She said again and Jane stiffened behind her,

“I’m-oh—I’m going to-“

“Come, come inside me; for me,” Shepard did then; crying out into the night and holding stiff and still inside; she reached around and found Liara’s clit, throbbing and ignored, and gently stroked in time with her last few thrusts, tipping her over the edge as well. “_Goddess!_” She tightened and fluttered around the weakening shaft inside her, arching and bowing as her orgasm tore through her, coming off the bed with a jolt.

“_Fuck_—” Shepard gave a few last weak shivers behind her, before falling back off and out of her; Liara whimpered then, the loss of her almost painful. “Fuck.” She repeated, sweat dripping off her pale skin; she fumbled around in the low light, reaching for her bondmate. Liara finally moved, jelly-limbed and shaking still; they weren’t as young anymore. Didn’t fuck like this often anymore. She curled into Jane’s arms, both laying the wrong way on the bed and shivering. Blue tangled in white; her favourite colour combination. Her favourite place in all this universe and anything that lay beyond.

“I love you, too, Jane. Always.”

_I am yours._

***

The morning birds woke her too early. Her eyes felt heavy and her head pounded, not to mention the taste in her mouth: brittle hay and swamp water. Groaned and rolled over before realizing that this wasn’t her bed. Her house. She sat bolt upright and checked her Omni-tool for irate messages from her parents, _shit shit shit!_

Nothing. Just a message from Freya from after midnight:

_Where are you? You okay?_

She replied:

** _Party. Hungover. Liselle…_ **

She vaguely remembered stumbling home through the door last night; Liselle’s house, right. _Oh fuck , I’m in so much trouble…_ wondered if her parents had everyone out looking for her: her grandparents, the cops, _C-Sec all the way from the Citadel, knowing my father…_ She heard the sounds of morning life from outside the door and smelt bacon and coffee and all the other wonderful things her body craved; heard her stomach rumble. It felt acidic and empty and twisted. She sat up and dangled her feet over the side of the bed, noticing her crumpled dress on the floor; blushed as she tried to remember how she got out of it and into these unfamiliar pyjamas… The night came back to her slowly, as she peed in the on-suite and drank about a gallon of water from the tap: the dance, Paul and Liselle, the party, the woods. _The woods…_ Felt flushed and heavy and embarrassed now, remembering being on top of Liselle, her hands drifting and _touching_ and- a soft knock at the bedroom door tore her from those memories and she hastily opened it to see the object of her affection right there, cup of coffee in hand.

“Morning,”

“Hey,” her voice was scratchy from disuse and alcohol, but she smiled, grabbing the coffee and letting her in, “thanks. Morning.”

“How you feeling?” Elle sat on her bed, her legs tucked up underneath her as she drank her own coffee, eyeing Lana over the lip of the mug.

“Not so hot; what happened after the party last night?” She sat against the headboard, groaning, “I think I’m in big trouble.”

“Nah,” Liselle laughed, scooting up next to her, “Dad took care of it.”

“Oh,” her favourite word now, “well, that’s awesome.”

“Yah, she’s pretty awesome…” _You’re pretty awesome._

They sat in a strange silence, unsure where to go after the night before; where they stood now.

“Thanks for taking care of me last night, and for taking me out. That was pretty cool. I had a lot of fun. Too much I think,” she laughed and massaged her head with her fingertips,

“I did too. Had a lot of fun; I like being around you, Lana,”

She didn’t know how to reply, just drank her coffee by way of excuse. _Then why won’t you kiss me?_ Almost said it aloud; chickened out instead.

“I just don’t want to ruin what we have... you’re the only real friend I have here...” as if she _had_ read her mind. Maybe she had. Maybe they had melded last night and she simply didn’t remember.

“Yah… Okay. I like being around you too, Elle.” _I just don’t know if I can be; if I can be without being _with_ you._

“So, breakfast?”

Liselle pulled the skycar up in front of her house, turning off the ignition. Aria had dropped them at the school on her way to the port, bags packed for Omega, and they had found her car where she left it.

They sat in silence for a moment, unsure what to do now.

“Want to come in?” Lana asked, looking down at her stained dress and wondering if Liselle would distract her parents from the state of it.

“Yah, okay,” she tried to smile, wondering if she had made a huge mistake this morning. Last night. _I led her on then dashed her hopes..._ _all because I can’t face myself..._ hadn’t meant to lead her on. Had wanted it just as badly; had been so close to just giving in and taking her right there in the forest.

“Mom, Dad, I’m home!” She called into the house, dropping her violin case on the floor and making Charlotte jump from her place at the island.

“You’re in trouble...” she spoke, low, “I thought you were grounded.”

“I am- I mean, I’m not in trouble. Shut up, weirdo. I got permission.” She ruffled Charli’s head, chasing her darting form, “and I’m still grounded... did you like the dance?”

“Yah, it was alright,” she replied, trying to sound nonchalant; her eyes were on Liselle, who was hovering in the doorway. Trying to impress the older girls.

“Hey Charl,” she waved, not sure if she would remember her at all. “Nice to see you, all grown up,”

Charlotte smiled and took a bite of toast, “Hi Liselle.”

Liara came down the stairs, carrying a basket of laundry; left it next to the machine in the front hall and smiled at the pair, “Liselle! Oh, darling, it is so nice to see you,”

“Hi Auntie,” Liselle beamed back, and Liara hugged her, tight; took her by the shoulders and looked at her,

“Thank you for inviting Lana to stay over last night,” she turned to her eldest and surveyed the damage, “Lana, what did you do to your dress?”

“Oh, I slipped in the grass in Liselle’s yard,” Charlotte rolled her eyes; could see right through her sister’s lies.

“Get it off, now please, and I’ll throw it in with this.”

Lana nodded, mouthing ‘shut up’ to Charli on her way past, as she mumbled: “I bet she’d _love_ to help you get out of your dress…”

“I just wanted to pop in and say hi,” Liselle continued, watching Lana retreat up the stairs. “See if Lana could come out again tonight?”

Liara presses her lips together, sighing heavily, “she is grounded, Liselle; I know you are probably grateful she came to your aid, but she needs to learn violence is not the answer.” _Despite what both your fathers may think..._

“Oh yah, no, I did not mean for that to happen-“

“Oh! I don’t blame you-“

“It’s totally cool. Totally fine, she said she was grounded, so...” trailed off; Liara eyed her, wondering just what was going on between them to have the Princess of Omega back-peddling so. For Tevos’ child to be so nervous.

_So another T’Loak falls for another Shepard..._

She smiled, understanding the situation a bit more.

“How did you both sleep?” She asked, innocently, digging.

“I slept fine, thanks. Uh, I don’t know-“

She pointed at Lana coming down in fresh clothing, “about her. I took the couch...”

“Great!” Lana said, too quickly, and her mother raised the same brow markings she had in response,

“Very good.”

“Can Elle stay for a bit? I know I’m grounded, but she drove me home...”

_So, it’s Elle now is it_? Liara laughed, unable to stay so stern,

“For a bit, but you’re staying here.”

“Thanks Mom!” They scampered back up the stairs while Charlotte sulked,

“She gets away with everything...”

“You’ll understand someday, Little Bear;” she went back to her laundry and Charli got up to watch the console, grumbling,

“Oh, I understand plenty...”

Lana beat her to her room, and thankfully so, as she began shove discarded clothing into opened drawers and tuck childish stuffed toys into corners. Liselle came in behind her and took in the space, tapping her hands on her thighs, waiting to see where to sit.

“Sorry, it’s kinda messy,”

“Hey, whatever, you saw mine…”

No loaded statement there at all.

Lana sat at her desk and offered Elle the bed; thought it might be safer that way.

“What do you wanna do?”

Liselle was looking around at the posters and sports trophies, books and instruments; there were some clothes hanging off the closet door and a pile of makeup and skin products; notebooks on her dresser. There was a small stuffed elcor, like she had when she was small, in the corner of the bed. She shrugged; Lana continued,

“Watch the console? Music?”

“Music,” she agreed easily, and got up again to thumb through her collection; hummed her approval, “got some killer stuff, T’Soni.”

“Well you know, Dad and all… and some other stuff Freya showed me. And Grandpa The.”

“Yah, your dad is wicked; oh, this one is about my dad,”

Lana groaned.

Liselle kept flipping, picked something at random, eventually, and they sat in silence, somehow both on the same bed now; somehow in each other’s arms. A comforting cradle, laying there with her hand over her hip, and her breath near her neck, the little spoon to Liselle’s big. She almost dozed off, to the even rhythm of her chest rising and falling against her back and it triggered a daydream from months ago; she finally spoke, soft and sleepy:

“What happened the day of the fight?”

Liselle furrowed her brow, unseen by Lana, “what do you mean?”

“Why did we meld? Why me? Why us?”

Liselle didn’t reply right away, wondering the same thing. Her hand drifted from her hip up under her shirt, gently tracing lines on her side; _does she have freckles there too?_ Lana drew a long breath in, trying not to let out small noises of consent at her touch. Felt her body warm and wake.

“I don’t know,” Elle replied from behind her, adjusting herself so she wasn’t speaking into Lana’s neck. “I’ve never had it happen before; I mean since I was a kid.”

“Never?” Lana had her hands curled under her chin, and her voice matched the child-like pose,

“Nope,”

“Not even when…” she tried to make herself understood, “I mean, _you know…_”

Liselle laughed, floored that she thought- “No; and what makes you think, T’Soni, that I- nevermind,” she blushed, returning to the conversation at hand; “Maybe it’s cause it is _us_? Like when we were little and it happened…”

“Did it?” Lana stirred in her arms and rolled over to face her;

“You really don’t remember?”

She shook her head, their faces close. Liselle reached out one hand, took hers, _I’ll show you._

This time is wasn’t a surprise.

_They were 10 or 12 or 16, she really didn’t know, and the lines were blurry like the watercolour paintings she had seen that summer in Paris. Two little indigo clouds, running through a long hallway. _

Lana felt dizzy, spun a little despite being prone, and she heard Liselle in her head: _don’t worry. I’ve got you. Just relax._ She did, and the images came into sharp relief: _her grandparent’s house. The East Wing hallway, playing tag. Aria and Tevos and Jane and Liara in the drawing room, Charlotte on Benezia’s lap and Grandpa The laughing loudly at some old story told a hundred times. _

_They stopped, coming down the front staircase, garland and twinkling lights wrapped around the banister, the Christmas tree barely visible through the slats in the railing. They sat and listened to the subdued sounds of their parents’ voices, the baby crying, the soft crackle of the fire. _

_“Why do humans need all these decorations?” The little Liselle asked, her memory-voice small and high, but to-the-point._

_“I dunno, it’s pretty?” Lana’s eyes picked up the highlights from the strings of bulbs as she looked around at the splendor. Had never really bothered to ask why, just had always had it around. Knew about Santa, and someone named Jesus – although she was pretty sure he was a baby and didn’t really know _who_ he was – and maybe a donkey? She couldn’t remember. Just shrugged tiny, frail shoulders and picked at the garland. “That’s garland, and the Christmas tree – that’s where our presents go – and the stockings are the sock things on the fireplace. They get filled with a bunch of cool candy and weird stuff.”_

_Liselle nodded, shuffling the carpet under her feet and trying to shock Lana’s arm._

_ “The lights are just pretty,” Lana continued, “Eggnog is gross; that’s the stuff my dad loves to drink. And tonight Santa comes with his flying reindeer and they leave us gifts.” Liselle perked up at that notion; she had been to Lana’s grandparent’s house a dozen times, in every season; multiple holidays, including this one, but this was her first real Christmas Eve. They had always arrived after, when the decorations hadn’t made any sense anymore._

_“What’s that?” She pointed up at a strange, waxy plant hanging above the foyer, its leaves dark and its berries white. Lana screwed up her face, trying to remember._

_“Mistletoe!”_

_“That’s a dumb name,”_

_“You _kiss_ under it,” she whispered, giggling._

_“Why?” Liselle was still fascinated with the idea of the weird human holiday; they seemed to have a lot of rules. A lot of plants. _

_“I dunno… it’s gross anyway,” Lana replied._

_“Kissing isn’t gross, it’s romantic,” Liselle snapped back, trying to sound dignified and grown-up. Lana snorted and looked at her, disbelief on her freckled face. _

_“How would you know?” You haven’t kissed anyone…”_

_“I have to,”_

_“Have not,”_

_“Have too.”_

_“Whatever,” she stood and ran down the stairs, standing under the mistletoe, “prove it then.” Not to be made a fool, a Shepard through and through. _

_“Fine,” Liselle followed her, blushing as Lana called her on her bluff. They stood, awkwardly under it, both looking up at it with terror in purple and green eyes. Jane began to play a Christmas song on the piano in the living room and they both gulped;_

_“Never mind, you don’t have to-“ Liselle didn’t let her finish; her father’s daughter she wasn’t about to be intimated or outplayed, even by her bestfriend. She closed the gap between them, eyes closed and lips puckered._

_Lana froze, then melted a little, their lips not moving, but instead pressed together in adolescent intimacy. She put her hands on the taller girl’s shoulders and kept contact, as their minds opened and found each other;_

Wow

Wow…

Liselle—

You taste nice…

-so soft…

_All their memories of each other on a stereo loop; Lana in Liselle’s arms, just a baby; sleepovers and games and tears and tiny beating hearts forming tiny unknowable crushes; _their older counterparts swooned in the real world, a meld within a meld too much.

It began to fade and Lana saw one last image of them parting, _the children they had been blushing and retreating to their safe spaces. Liselle’s little voice, defiant and so proud:_ _“Told you.”_

The woman she had become admitting to that lie:

“You were my first kiss…”

They had wrapped their arms around each other sometime during; their legs a tangled mess of denim. Lana breathed deeply,

“I-I don’t remember,” but it was coming back slowly, for real, in her mind.

“We weren’t really the same after that… then I went to middle school, and you were still so little, and I missed you…”

“Elle-“ Lana’s hand brushed an unfallen tear from the corner of her eye; Liselle blinked it back, frowning at the weakness. They just stared for a minute, two young women who had been two little girls, brought back together in the most unlikely way.

“Sorry…” For what Liselle didn’t know. Their history marring their future, maybe?

“Me too,” Lana replied; still didn’t understand. Didn’t care; couldn’t fathom how this connection they shared could be ignored. It had been there from the start.

“Maybe I should go,”

Lana shook her head, rubbing her cheek, “please don’t.”

“I think I should…” Her hands mirrored Lana’s instead, finding her freckles and tracing them; she opened her mouth again to apologize, to explain, to say anything, but found the well dry.

She was so beautiful and lovely and funny and smart and right there- why couldn’t she just- and she was perfect and felt like home and-didn’t care about all the things in her heart- “Okay, well…” Didn’t even make a move to stand; just kept staring into her eyes, her own flicking to those blue lips she had wanted to taste again since she first had. Her hands roaming now, down her sides and up under her shirt;

Remembered the same hand sneaking up her skirt, the silken skin that led to the most beautiful place; a place she hadn’t known, but craved. _All paths lead to Rome… _

To her.

“Elle?” So close, their noses touching,

“Yah?”

She could smell her breath, sweet and beckoning;

All her paths _had_ led to her, from the day she was born; not distance nor time nor status had kept them apart…

“You’re not leaving…” Lana whispered, pointing out the obvious.

“No, I’m not…” Their lips met, blissfully, finally, and she was kissing her, gently. It felt like the rain after a drought; she was renewed and refreshed and could come alive.

Lana surged into her, taken by surprise, but wrapping her arms around her waist and pulling her closer, moaning into her mouth. Liselle gasped in return, that sound the sweetest thing she had ever heard; the most erotic noise to ever reach her ears. She blazed with want for her, lips soft and supple and parting to give her passage into her heart.

Lana rolled her onto her back and the kiss transformed from something soft and sweet to something dark and deep, the passion pent up in her for weeks travelling through her veins at a lightning pace, a beast woken from a slumber and needing to be fed. She trailed her mouth along her chin, down her throat, and Liselle let out a small, high noise, the tingle of her skin setting her soul on fire. Their mouths met again, and she tasted like coffee still, but under it was _her_; that taste she hadn’t been able to place or find in years. Elle ran her hands up under Lana’s shirt again, not daring to go higher than her stomach; wanting to tear it off of her. Wanting to feel her breasts and taste her skin, and see how many freckles she really had. Biotics began to waiver around them and they snapped at the air, desire becoming febrile and real and tangible. Lana had her pinned, straddling her again, and she let Liselle lift it up, where it stayed resting on the top of her breasts; Liselle took a gulp of air at the sight of them barely covered by the thin white bra. She tried to sit, to reach the point where they met with her tongue, but just succeeded in rolling over again, unable to keep still, knees and hands rubbing against sensitive parts. Elle pressed her down into the bed, hands roaming along her neck and crest, kissing her again and again, only breaking to breathe and run her hands over her chest; the fabric was soft but the friction teased her nipples, a tingling sensation that began in her back and went down to her toes. It was joined by another overwhelming buzz, and they fought that pounding pain at the base of their skulls; fought the meld. Wanted to stay in this living breathing tactile moment.

Lana felt Liselle’s tongue flick against her lips, teasing, licking; teeth nipping at her. She met it with her own and sighed into the dance; pulling the white stripe that divided her bottom lip, exploring her softness and resolve in equal measure. She tried to pull her down closer; but it wasn’t enough. Wouldn’t be enough until she was in her mind, in her body, joined as one.

Lana’s fingers brushed along her back, up under her shirt and she trembled, moaning and using her on-top position to run that tongue along the line of her cleavage.

The point of no return now; they both felt it, knew it; fought against it.

They broke apart then, panting and stroking cheeks, their hearts a storm, their bodies flushed. On fire.

_Slow down, we’ve got time… _

Liselle breathed into her lips, “I’m still no good for you-“

Lana looked up at her and smiled, goofy and soft and love-drunk. She kissed her again, softly, like the first.

“I still don’t care.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songwriters: Samuel Thomas Means / Jack Michael Antonoff / Andrew Dost / Nathaniel Joseph Ruess  
The Gambler lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner Chappell Music, Inc


	8. Chapter 8

She flew down the stairs, backpack bouncing and feet almost fumbling on the last step. Liara turned, watching her tiny twin flash by in a blur of blue, as Shepard sidestepped the tornado named Lana.

“Woah,” she held her coffee cup over her head, robe open over her stripped pajamas, feet still slippered, eyes still fuzzy from sleep.

“Sorry, Dad. Gotta go, Liselle is picking me up.”

“School doesn’t begin for another hour, Lana,” Liara leaned her back against the sink and sipped her own coffee; she was already dressed for work, and she removed the apron she had donned from over her skirt and blouse.

“Yah, but she wants to be early, to get – uh – parking.”

Jane sat at the island, her hair up at all angles, and held her cup in both hands, “Huh, so she is a Tevos after all; Aria’s never been early for anything in her life.”

Lana screwed up her face, trying to hide it; trying to erase the mental image of her dad and Aria- _Gross._ _Ugh._ She sat on the floor and pulled on her sneakers,

“Can you bring Charli?” Liara was gathering her purse and keys, and Lana paled,

“Uh-“

“Uh, no. I don’t want to go to school this early,” Charlotte complained around a mouthful of cereal. “I’ll walk, thanks.”

She let out a hushed sigh of relief and scampered out the door and down the stairs, “Ok, bye!”

She spied the car, idling, in front of the house and threw open the door, shoving her bag into the back and grinning like an idiot. She hastily grabbed Liselle’s hand in her own, low and near the middle console, away from windows and spying eyes. “Hi,”

“Hi,” Elle wore a matching idiotic grin, squeezed her hand back. Liara was walking down the front steps and gave a little wave as she got into her own driver’s seat, raising one eyebrow and smirking as she watched them pull away. _Oh, they think they are so clever… _

They drove for a minute, Elle’s hand on her thigh, Lana’s hand on her shoulder, bodies boiling and tingling with the electricity of barely-contained energy. She pulled into a secluded parking lot after watching Liara’s skycar pull off into traffic and out of eyeshot; the plaza wasn’t open yet, the stores still dark and the other spaces almost devoid of cars.

Seatbelts clicked open and hands clutched at faces as they pounced at each other, the dashboard and console digging into hips and legs and elbows. They kissed with the abandon of youth, messy and hot and perfect. Lana moaned into her mouth and stroked her cheek, parting for a moment to adjust her position and remove a stray pack of gum from under her,

“Good morning,”

“Good morning,” Liselle replied, smiling into her mouth; she tasted like toothpaste and sweetness.

“I missed you, yesterday,” Lana admitted, shyly. It was so new, so exciting. She was afraid it would drift away if she wasn’t careful; that she would open her eyes and discover it wasn’t real; she wasn’t really here, touching her and kissing her and loving her. Had been knocked unconscious by that ball to the face and it was all some coma-induced fever dream.

Liselle made a soft noise in her throat, something like disbelief or heartbreak, and kissed her again, hard and fast and _different._ Broiling.

“I can’t stop thinking about kissing you-” she whispered near her ear, kissing her neck and bare shoulder where Lana’s tank top showed off her arms and- “ ‘In my heart there was a kind of fighting that would not let me sleep…’ “

Lana’s grip on her tightened; loved her intellect, her mind. Her lips. “I can’t stop kissing you-“

“I don’t want to stop thinking about it- I want-“

“I know…”

“I want to kiss you forever…”

“I can’t stop thinking about _you_,” she had reclined her seat and Lana had made her way over, half sitting, half straddling her, the steering wheel pushed into her back; she didn’t even feel it. Their bodies, warm and flushed and on fire, their kisses hard and purposeful and frantic. She had her hand up under Elle’s shirt, feeling the silk of her bra, the fluttering of her heart between her breasts, her nipples hard; making her squirm as she passed her palms over them. Liselle’s hands on her hips, holding her fast.

“Fuck school, let’s just make out all day,” Lana breathed.

“Yah, ok, sure,” between kisses. “No, no, we can’t,” she laughed into her neck, smelling her perfume and tasting her skin, “you can’t get suspended again.”

“I know,” a tongue against her own,

“And-our-parents-“ her voice fractured as Lana’s hand found her breast again; she groaned, full of pleasure, her own hands slinking up her back and pressing into her spine. “They’ll know-and-I’ll-Oh _Goddess, Lana_-“ Lana shivered at her name in that pitch of voice: low and a little unhinged; never wanted to hear it any other way ever again. Her jeans felt hot and tight.

“Say that again,” she whispered next to her ear,

“_Lana…_”

“Elle, kiss me;” she obliged, before continuing her thought,

“I’ll never be allowed over again; if they find out, right now-“ Lana noticed the windows had fogged up; leaned back against the steering wheel and took a moment to breath, her hand still on her chest.

“I know…”

“But,” Liselle adjusted her seating, wiggled out of her jacket awkwardly as Lana giggled and drew a heart on the window, “we have an hour until school.”

“I know,” coy this time, all long lashes and burning cheeks. Dark looks and a bitten lip.

“You’re gonna fucking kill me with those looks, T’Soni,”

“I know.” Giggled and laughed as they did their best to keep quiet and keep the car from steaming up too much.

Torture of the most wonderful kind.

“See you after class?”

“Yep,” they shared one, quick, last kiss in the car before opening the doors and resuming their outward airs. “Thanks for the ride, Tevos,”

“Yah, no problem,” they shared a small, secret, smile as they headed into the school, Liselle fighting the urge to grasp her hand and drag her back for one more kiss. Just one more. Didn’t know if she could physically survive the day knowing she was in the building and her lips weren’t pressed against her own. Lana tipped her coffee cup in a ‘goodbye’ and Elle nodded, stoic and steely. They had stopped at an out-of-the-way café, driving a good ten minutes to avoid classmates and parents, and had walked in hand-in-hand, smiling and laughing and _dating_. Liselle had bought her a coffee and herself a lavender tea with hot milk and honey, two breakfast bars, and they had sat for a little while, by the window, as the sun really came up over the horizon; it had illuminated Lana’s skin, turning it a soft, gentle blue, and Liselle’s heart felt like it would burst from her chest. Tight and feather-light at once; so much like the clouds in that sky that was the same shade as her skin. Had never felt-anything-like what she made her-and her heart-her body tingled, wanting her-_wanted her so bad_-and-just wanted to die right there and then and never feel anything but this feeling ever again. All champagne in her stomach and that marvelously pleasant weight in her heart.

_Goddess…_

Now she had to wait a whole six hours before she could feel her again. Touch her and talk to her and wrap her arms around her and taste her. This whole secret thing was going to be harder than she thought…

Lana didn’t see Freya at their lockers or in the halls. Made her way to their first class, still on cloud nine, all young-love butterflies and that strange confidence born of a wonderful secret, making her glide up the corridor like she was on ice.

She spied Freya in her usual seat, head down and in a book, and she plopped down next to her,

“Hey,”

“Hi.” Didn’t look up.

Lana stuck her lips out and nodded understanding, “You mad at me?”

Her friend tucked her hair behind her ear and shrugged, still not looking up from her sentence, “A little…”

Lana didn’t push it further for a moment, just unpacked her bag and let her have some space; opened her own book and datapad and took a quick drink of her coffee. “I’m sorry, man. I just got caught up in-”

_her_

“- the party, and I thought you were busy with Ryx anyway.”

Freya looked up at her then, noticing the coffee and narrowing her eyes, “I was worried, Lana. I didn’t know where you went.”

“Sorry…”

“That from her?” She motioned towards the coffee; Lana shrugged,

“From who?”

“_From who_-come on, T’Soni…” Freya put her novel away as she rolled her eyes, grabbing the coffee and taking a sip; it was going cold.

“Why would you think it was from Liselle?”

“Cause your dad told me she drove you to school this morning, when I came by to get you.”

_Oh, shit. _Had forgotten to let her know.

“Early,” Freya raised her eyebrows, scrutinizing her. “Funny thing is, you weren’t here early; neither was she.”

“Uh-“

“Yah, thought so…” she snorted. “So?”

“So?”

“What happened? Your text left a little something to be desired.” Lana blushed and drank her coffee to buy her time. She didn’t want to lie, not to Freya;

“Oh, nothing. I drank too much and fell in the mud-”

_Lies. All lies. _Well, not all… “And I ended up staying over, cause you know, I was drunk, and grounded…”

“You stayed over?! With her?”

“No! Not _with her_, at her house… I mean, Aunt Aria and Aunt Thea’s house, so…”

Freya snorted, “Yah, okay, keep your secrets; you’re not very good at it.”   
Lana couldn’t help but grin.

“Ok, fine; there was some… dancing, and maybe some _touching_, but we were drunk.” _And then some kissing and-_ “and some kissing… maybe?”

“Lana T’Soni, you slut,” Freya mock whispered, rolling her eyes, “not _kissing._”

“Shut up,” but they were laughing again. Like nothing had happened.

And then there was more kissing.

Stolen moments behind the portables, in empty classrooms, in bathrooms when they were supposed to be in class. Bodies crashing together, lips swollen and puffy from hasty time spent in places they really should have been caught in. Notes passed under lunch tables and hands brushing against hands in hallways, melds opened for split seconds, showing desire-fueled tableaus of skin and breasts and mouths and limbs tangled and breath heavy and illicit moans echoing in their heads. Lightning arching between their fingers as they barely touched.

Skycar windows steamed up in lunch-time parking lots, and Omni-messages of the still-innocent kind; _I want to kiss you. Right now. Here, in front of my entire algebra class. _

** _I want to feel your lips on mine and your crest under my fingers, and your body next to mine in the back of my car. _ **

_Quote Shakespeare to me again, you sexy nerd._

** _I want to hear those noises you make again… _ **

Weeks of meeting in secret and ‘studying’ at the island of one kitchen or another; in their rooms, so quiet and so careful to replace crooked clothing and wipe lipstick from necks and shoulders and arms. In the car after practice, ten extra minutes not noticed by parents or siblings or friends.

One particularly brave moment while watching a vid on the couch, a foot curiously stroking sensitive parts through light pants while buried under a blanket, Liara not ten feet away at the dining room table and Charli on the loveseat.

Othello and Desdemona; all secrecy and romance. Liselle sincerely hoped their story would turn out better.

Passed each other in the second-floor bathroom, eyes barely meeting in the mirror as Liselle washed her hands and Lana snuck into the stall; waiting for a blissfully alone moment, when the giggling girls stopped talking about boys and girls and weekend plans and drifted off again, Liselle listening for the closing of the door under the pretext of checking her makeup.

“They gone?” Came Lana’s voice, quietly, as she peered out of the metal door.

“Just me and you,” Elle grinned, grabbing her hand and pulling her into her body, Lana’s legs pressed against the sink.

“Good,” she had one hand on the back of her neck, the other on her waist, feeling her skin where it showed over the top of her pants. “How was class?”

“Don’t remember; was only thinking about you-“

“Hmmm,” she murmured into her lips, “me too.”

“This may be problematic, T’Soni,” kissing her and smiling into her mouth, “I may flunk out of another school because of you.”

“Good, then you’ll stay here forever, or at least until I graduate.”

Liselle let out one bark of laughter and kissed her again, spinning her around and holding her in her arms; she fit into her arms like they were made for her: she was shorter than she was, but not by much, wider in the shoulders, but lean and long and- looked at them, together in the mirror and clenched her jaw tight. It looked so right. Felt so good to have her there, against her, with her. Lana leaned back into her form, looking as well and rubbing the arm that was wrapped around her with her thumb. Liselle began to kiss her neck, not breaking eye contact in the mirror; staring at her and watching her arch into her mouth, her breath heavy and jagged. “Elle…”

“Shush…

_You make me feel like somebody, Lana; you make me feel like I matter…_

Her hand up under her shirt, it pushed up on one side, her bra stark white against her blue skin; her purple hand dark against them both.

Her lips on her neck, sucking; pulling at her with a gentle touch of teeth, making her clutch onto her; her head resting on the other shoulder, pushing into her body.

“Goddess, Elle; here? Now? We’re-“

“Just let me-”

“-gonna get caught-”

Her other hand between her legs, rubbing gently.

“_Jesus…_” Liselle grinned into her neck at the human idiom. “Elle, fuck…”

“Not yet…” Lana shivered.

They heard the door swing open and leaped apart, Lana at the sink, washing her hands and Liselle leaning against the wall, checking her Omni-tool as if she didn’t know the other girl in the mirror at all. Lana shot her a dangerously flirtatious look in the mirror as she hastily scrubbed lipstick from her neck and left her behind. She collapsed against the hallway wall, still trembling; Liselle’s perfume still on her clothing and her touch still under her skin. Her Omni-tool pinged up at her and grumbled;

**_Will I see you after class? Drive you home?_** She smirked,

_Not today, I have a game._

** _Meet me under the bleachers before?_ **

_Of course; but only if you touch me like that again._

** _I can’t think of anything else…_ **

And she had; wandering, insistent fingers and curious lips driving them each into a frenzy of want. Lighting a fire in her she didn’t know existed. Riling her up so thoroughly that she scored twelve goals and flattened three members of the opposition, Liselle watching from the stands with a wicked grin plastered on her face.

“Oh fuck, Elle…”

“Lana-Goddess… fuck, I just-“ they were in the back of her car after the game, the parking lot emptied out for the night. Lana was laying on her back, Liselle’s body half on top half next to her, the seat not quite wide enough, not quite deep enough. Didn’t care. “Shirts-“

“Off, yah-here-“

“Goddess, I love your breasts-“

“And you haven’t even seen them yet,” _yet._

“Don’t care; love them.”

“Elle, touch me…”

“Lana-“ lips on necks and tongues tracing her freckles and the white markings that covered Liselle’s shoulders and dipped onto her back and chest. She bucked into her touch, into her mouth, and Liselle felt her hand travel low, running along the seam of her pants and up to the button of her fly. Leaned up and let her undo it, trembling like bird’s wings; her heart beating out of her chest.

“Is this okay?”

“Yes, more than okay…” Moved over her, rocking into the hand that snuck into her pants and gently touched her through her underwear. Didn’t dare think of the possibilities that lay just on the other side of that thin, wet, fabric. She let out a long, high, moan and leaned down into her, kissing her and feeling like her skin would burst into flames; continued to run her own hands over Lana’s chest, down her ribs, between her legs as well. A brief buzzing from her wrist made her jump; not unpleasant but surprising, and Lana groaned, stopping her motion and frowning.

“Omni-tool,”

Liselle sighed; more of a groan as well. Let her sit up, almost sulking. Lamenting the loss of her hand, her lips.

_Charlotte has cello tonight, do you need a ride home from the game?_

“Yah, it’s Mom… guess I better get home…”

She typed out a response, quickly, before Liara showed up out of the blue and caught them, **_Nah, I’m good. I’ll either walk or see if Elle is still around._** Hah, was she ever…

_Ok, see you at home._

“Damnit; sorry,” Lana kissed her again, softly. Apologetically. Liselle shrugged,

“Don’t be; Goddess, don’t be,” she grinned then, buttoning her pants and climbing down. She pulled on her shirt and opened the door, shuffling out, where she lit a smoke and leaned on the hood of the car. Lana joined her, after replacing her shirt, making sure there weren’t any visual remainders of their tryst in the sidemirror.

They lay back on the hood, Lana’s arms resting behind her head, Liselle’s legs cocked up at the knees, and watched the stars. Watched each other with stolen glances out of the corners of their eyes.

_Goddess, I-_

_Man, I might love-_

_Think I may-_

_Fuck-_

Liselle broke the silence, finishing her cigarette and throwing it to the ground,

“You still grounded?” She stood, standing between Lana’s legs, where they draped off the car.

“Kinda, I mean it’s been awhile, but I haven’t pushed it. Haven’t really needed to go anywhere,” she added, playfully kicking her, “and I’m afraid to ask…”

“Well ask,” she held out her hand and Lana took it; she dragged her to her feet, “Let me take you out.”

“A date?” She squeaked, going purple, “People will see. They’ll know.”

“I don’t care anymore. I-” _Want people to know… I-love you? Fuck. _“Fuck em.” She leaned into her and kissed her again, pushing up against the car again.

“Yah, fuck em… okay.”

“Okay,” Liselle grinned, “Great, well ask, and I’ll pick you up tomorrow at 7;” Saturday, no school. No Liselle, unless they could find another test to study for; unless her parents were in that particular mood where ‘grounded’ seemed to exclude her visits.

“Great!” _My first date… _

They kissed again; had to pry themselves apart with the reminder of her impending curfew. Got back into the car, like perfect ladies this time; in their own seats and everything.

As they pulled away from the school Lana looked over at her, the darkness of the evening casting her face in beautiful shadow. “Elle?”

“Hmm?”

“What should I wear?” Timid, like a mouse. Liselle laughed, squeezing her thigh as she drove.

“My honest opinion?” She raised one brow at her and smirked; “Nothing.”


	9. Interlude

Lana stormed into her room, resisting the urge to slam her door. She wiped furious tears from her eyes, slouching at her desk and swiping some books and papers off of it and onto the floor in a fit of rage. Sniffling she opened her Omni-tool and selected Liselle’s contact;

_I’m still grounded… _

She waited for a response, her heart in her throat, her stomach sick. Grounded. Such an immature word. Such an immature thing to be. So sure she would come to her senses and realize her mistake; _kids_ got grounded. _Kids_ had to pay attention to their parents’ rules and regulations and completely irrational thoughts about what was appropriate or not. Elle would sigh and shrug and go back to Paul, who was cool enough to have parties where the cops showed up; cool enough to have parents who ran companies and left him alone on the weekends and didn’t fuss and fiddle with his life, hanging just over his head like the sword of Damocles.

“Fuck,” she stomped to her bed, throwing herself down on the covers and feeling her age for the first time in weeks. She had made her feel so adult; had brought some real meaning into the endless years she had spent under this roof, in school. Could taste the sweetness of the freedom, just a decade or two away. Felt like eternity.

She had hesitated in asking all Friday evening, trying to find right moment, the right parent, to broach the subject with. Had taken the garbage to the holding bin and tidied up the main bathroom and helped Liara with the dishes, garnering goodwill and saving brownie points, following Liara around the house like a gnat, trying to gauge her mood. Had instead stood in doorways like a creep, nothing coming out of her mouth; poking her head into her parents’ bedroom just to slip away under the guise of saying goodnight. Fumbling and nervous and so sure they would see right through her and just know something was up.

Had gone to bed without getting up the nerve; tossed and turned and video chatted with Liselle until neither of them could keep their eyes open and had reluctantly disconnected, _promising_ to ask in the morning. Swearing she would.

It hadn’t made a difference. Liara had pressed her lips into a thin line and looked to Shepard for guidance, wavering but still so stern.

Jane had shrugged; Liara had grown angry then, not at Lana but at her, for being _too tolerant. Too flippant_. Lana had retreated as their argument had hit its crescendo, not able to hide the tears and not wanting them to see.

** _Damn. That sucks._ **

_So much… _

** _Well, rain cheque? _ **

_Yah, for sure. I wish I could see you, but I don’t think they’ll let you come over today; they’re fighting over how to parent me…_

** _Hah, I’d love to see your mom fight; I’m not sure if I would laugh or drop down dead scared._ **

_Def the second option. _

** _I want to see you too…_ **

_Vid chat later? Maybe I’ll even take my top off again_

** _Well I wouldn’t say no._ **

_Alright I’ll call you. Unless they take my Omni-tool away again_

She frowned at that thought.

** _Ok._ **

A moment later:

** _I miss you. _ **

She thought her heart might break; from happiness or despair she wasn’t sure. Flopped onto her bed and laid in the morning light, listening to the raised voices from downstairs with misery in her soul and fire in her belly.

But later that night the Omni-tool rang and rang and Liselle never picked up. Lana pouted, adjusting her position against her headboard and picking up her book. Liara had been in and she had hastily shoved the novel under her pillow lest she see the busty asari on the cover, half dressed and wrapped in the arms of a fully naked blue-skinned woman of the same species. Her mother had explained she wasn’t trying to be harsh, wasn’t trying to ruin her life or make a point about her dad, she just needed her to understand the gravity of her actions- _blah blah blah_; truthfully Lana zoned out halfway through it, until Liara had mentioned something about it being just a little longer, and maybe after the weekend they would reconsider, and maybe Liselle would like to come for Sunday dinner the next day.

That’s when she had called her, unable to fight the excitement of the invite.

Now, she found her place in the historical epic; getting lost in the pages of the sea-faring romance, all tawdry and overwrought, and more than a little explicit – made her blush all kinds of shades of purple and made her core burn at the thought of her and Liselle- _whew_. If she was being perfectly honest, she had picked it up to get a few pointers; not the most realistic depiction of sex, but it gave her… ideas.

A soft _thunk_ against her window pulled her attention away from a ridiculous scenario involving a crow’s nest, a wayward sail, and the biotic abilities of the asari lovers. She looked up and furrowed her brow, listening for a minute before returning to her book, where the heroine had swapped her bra in exchange for the mouth of the scrappy first-mate.

_tink-tink_

_tink_

She rose, padding to the window and peering out in the late afternoon; she opened the glass pane and narrowly dodged a pebble, which flew in and tumbled off the wall behind her bed.

“Sorry,” Liselle hissed up at her, grinning.

Lana stared, not believing she was there, under her window, calling up to her.

“What are you doing here?” was all that came out, despite her smile.

“You’re supposed to say, ‘O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?’ ” Liselle cocked her hip out to one side, her hand on it, and Lana thought she might die. “I’m here to get you for our date, remember?” Lana leaned on the sill, out of the window to try and get closer,

“I’m grounded, remember?” She leaned her chin on her hands, a look that Liselle recognized from Liara on her face: one part incredulous, one part intrigued.

“Come on, they won’t know if I have you back in a little while. It won’t be what I had planned, but we can hang out,”

It was hard to deny her.

Didn’t want to deny her.

She looked over her shoulder, nervous energy making her twitchy and practically wafting out of her pores.

“I don’t know, Elle… I’m already in trouble, and then they’ll be so mad at you too-”

“Okay, okay; I thought this might happen; I’m coming up.”

“What?!”

“Yep, move.” She took a little bit of a running leap, praying she didn’t hit the side of the house too loudly; used her biotics to push herself up and into the window, grabbing the sill and launching herself over. Lana stepped back, wide-eyed. Let Liselle right herself and adjust her jacket. “Hey,” she leaned against the wall like it was no big deal; like she did it every day. Began to laugh at the ridiculousness of it, and Lana rushed to her, putting a finger to her lips to quiet her. She shook with silent laughter instead. Lana couldn’t help but grin, taking her face in her hands and kissing her, hard.

“That was the most romantic thing I’ve ever seen, very T’Loak,” she whispered next to her mouth before continuing their kiss. Liselle took her by the waist and murmured into her mouth,

“I just needed to see you…”

“Okay, but we have to be quiet;” Lana moved back onto the bed, where Liselle joined her after kicking off her boots; she lounged and picked up the discarded novel,

“Whatcha reading?” She took in the cover and let out a loud laugh, before hastily covering her mouth, “Sorry-sorry. Lana T’Soni, are you reading _porn_?” Lana snatched it out of her hands and tucked it into her bedside drawer, blushing.

“No! It’s not porn. It’s historical fiction… with some sex. Okay, lots of sex… it’s technically erotica, not porn…”

“Okay, you filthy little asari,” Liselle grabbed her and pulled her down by the waist, kissing her neck and wrapping her arms around her, “but you know it’s porn, right?”

“Shut up,” she said, a smile in her voice, her eyes closed against Liselle’s ministrations. “Just shut up and kiss me.”

“Do they say that to each other in the book?” Her hands wandered, running up her sides and under her shirt, and down her back; Lana’s did the same, clutching onto her hips and rolling her eyes despite her mouth driving her to distraction.

“Oh, they say a lot more explicit things, if I’m being perfectly honest…” Things she couldn’t even imagine saying aloud, let alone asking for. Demanding.

But then again, a few short weeks ago she couldn’t have imagined even wanting someone to do those things to her. Now… well, she wasn’t so sure.

“Like ‘oh, Captain, take me now, for I am but a chaste virginal Armalian Princess, who has never known the touch of a woman?’ ” She laughed; Lana swatted at her, giggling.

“Well… no. Like, uh, really dirty things…” Liselle drew back a little, brow markings raised,

“Oh really? So it’s real porn; like what?”

“Elle, I can’t-”

“Sure you can…”

Liselle rolled her onto her back, her voice low and heavy; her eyes had a dark tinge to them; Lana wondered if hers did too.

“Well…” her mouth on her neck again, her fingers drawing lazy lines on her stomach where her shirt had ridden up. “Like, uh, oh _Goddess, I can’t_,” she leaned up and eased her jacket off her shoulders, her arms bare under it, the sleeveless blouse an ivory colour.

Liselle lowered her back down, nibbling near her ear,

“Come on… talk to dirty to me.” Lana’s arms broke out into goosebumps, her stomach clenching in beautiful desire. Her hands at her breasts now;

“Elle… I want you,”

“I want you too,” barely whispers; barely audible over their breathing and kissing.

“I-I-” a little moan as her hand found her breast too, the other wrapping under her and playing with her spine, making her jump and press into her. Their lips crashing together.

“What do you want me to do?” Liselle continued, blushing as well despite her bravado. Despite her trembling digits and wavering voice.

“I want you to- I want to be with you. I want-I can’t get enough of you…”

Liselle took up the mantel, easing her down and covering her body with her own; her thigh between her legs, rocking into each other through clothing and fear. “I want to be with you too, Lana… I want to taste you and lick you and know every part of your body-”

Lana pressed herself against her, harder, driven on by her voice; “Yes; I want that. I want you to-” her hands went to her back, pulling her harder against her azure, pulling her as close as she could, physically. She dragged her down, pressing her face into her chest as she kissed her neck breathed into her ear; “I want you to fuck me, Elle.” Her stomach did a funny little burning flip at those words coming out of her mouth, and she felt Liselle tense up on top of her, moaning against her breasts. “I need to feel you against me; I need to feel your skin on mine,” Liselle was up in an instant, half sitting, with Lana’s hands up under her shirt, pushing it up and placing her mouth against a still-clothed nipples. Liselle surged into her contact, wrapping her arms around her back and encouraging the exploration. She threw her shirt off as Lana did the same; they sat then, almost straddling, almost in each other’s laps, and mouths traveled over collarbones and cleavage and shoulders and arms;

“I want to be inside of you-”

“I want you inside of me… I want your mouth on my azure, and your body-” her fingers fumbled with Lana’s bra strap, trying, trying, to get it undone.

“Oh, damnit, this always looks so easy in vids…” gave herself away a little; the air of superiority melting away. Lana laughed and stopped kissing her, reaching behind her with both hands and undoing it herself, letting it fall.

Liselle’s breath stopped. Her heart may have as well; she wasn’t sure. Lana’s perfectly blue breasts there in front of her; she stared, awe and softness in her light eyes. “Lana…”

“Are they… okay?” She went to cover them with her arms, and Liselle stopped her, kissing her, softly, and taking the blue hands and placing them over her own, still-covered chest.

“They’re perfect; you’re perfect. They’re beautiful…”

“Elle;” as her mouth made contact with her nipple for the first time. First one, gently; just a little pressure and tongue, wasn’t sure what it would feel like, how she would react and- Lana twitched into her, clutching her and moaning; encouraging it. Then the other, the same soft kissing and swirling of her mouth, making her shake and shiver and writhe.

“_Goddess, _that feels amazing;” she throbbed with want for her. Had to have her. Now. “Please, Elle… let me-” she wanted to do the same; to taste her and feel her skin; to hear the noises she made and how much it took until she came undone under her fingers and tongue and- she let out a torrent of biotics, almost by mistake; had been imagining using them to flip her over and take control, and had lost control of her own actions. Liselle laughed, looking up at her from where she straddled her hips. Lana shrugged, her skin flushed and dark and her eyes following suit.

“Your eyes…”

“Yours too.”

_I will try to fix you…_

They stared for a moment, and something in Lana sparked awake; she ran the flat of her palms up Liselle’s stomach and cupped her breasts, squeezing and tweaking and making her arch against the bed, crying out her name; softly. Still realized where they were and what was at stake. She ran them the opposite way, her nails scraping along her abdominal muscles, soft and purple and wonderful; down to the fly of her pants. She nodded down; a gesture of _lift your hips_ and Liselle did, letting her unbutton them and drag them down over thigh and knee and calf. Off and discarded onto the floor. She lay in front of her, shaking a little, in just her bra and panties now. She was breathtaking. She no longer looked fierce and terrible, but like a dream in violet. Soft and bashful and a little scared. She bit her lip, her head tilted back a little and Lana’s heart pulsated; couldn’t believe she was laid out before her, like a goddess. _God, we were just kids, and now-now we are older and she’s here and real and I-_

_So beautiful._

_So brave and noble and-_

“Liselle,”

“Lana… touch me. Please.”

She did. Dipping her head and running her tongue along the soft skin on the inside of her thigh. It took every inch of self-control Liselle possessed to not cry out. Blue fingers ran over the front of her underwear, where it was wet and so close to- and- she leaned back up, unsure what to do next. Trembling and tingling and so excited; so scared.

“How? What do you want me to do?”

Liselle sat up and took her in her arms, dragging her close; “I don’t know, Lana. I’ve never-”

“You’ve never? I thought- I mean, you’re so-”

Liselle shook her head, looking down; demure and almost ashamed. “Never… close a few times… but, no…”

“Me either…”

“I just want you against me. Just love me…I-”

“I do. I will.”

The stared at each for a moment, and Liselle stroked her cheek before their lips met again, slow and lazy and not rushed anymore. No rush. They had all the time in the world. Lana adjusted herself, leaning onto her side and brought her elbow down on her bra, tossing it off the bed just as she heard the door open and – “Lana, dinner is almost-” caught a glimpse of red hair and pale skin; heard a little _oof_ as it hit her father in the face.

“Dad?” She screeched, mortified and pulling her arms across her chest. Suddenly they were a tangle of sheets and limbs as Liselle vaulted, half naked, from the bed and out the window, gliding to the ground on a bed of biotics, her heart going a thousand miles a minute, her stomach in her throat; _fuck fuck fuck fuck. _She waited at the bottom, pressed against the house in the cold, wondering how she was going to get out of this one alive.

“Lana…” she saw her dad puff up like an adder, all demon-wing spreading and danger. She scrambled from the bed, pulling her sheet with her for modesty, and gathering Liselle’s clothing, jacket, boots, and pitching them out the window, hoping, hoping, praying she was okay, and still there, and her dad hadn’t seen too much or who it was or- _oh fuck, I’m so screwed. Goddess, we’re fucked… _

“Oh, jeeze, _Lana_… What am I going to do with you?” 

“Dad… We weren’t doing anything. We were just-”

“Weren’t doing anything, huh?”

…

“Please tell me that wasn’t who I think it was-”

_Yah, like you’re one to talk,_ she thought, bitterly; suddenly furious at her father and her secrets and _how dare she-_

…

And then her mother had given her ‘the talk’ like she didn’t already know; like they hadn’t spoken of it before when she was little and Charli had been born, and then when she was a preteen and had to have that stupid Ardat-Yakshi test… as if she didn’t have the extranet and books and friends and…

Had known all along; _“Is it Liselle?”_

_God… Goddess… fuck._

But hadn’t been grounded again, or been in trouble… just couldn’t look them in the eye and stayed in her room for the rest of the night, not even leaving to eat dinner. Had just cried and brooded and-

…

_Are you okay?_

** _Yep, never better… _ **

_Sorry, I didn’t mean for that to happen…_

** _You mean the interruption or…?_ **

_No! No, I mean… my parents… Why? Did you not… I mean, never mind._

** _No! I mean, yes? I mean… Fuck._ **

_Fuck is right… _she thought, throwing her arm over her face. _Or rather, not…_

_I-_stopped typing and noticed her fingers were trembling. Were Liselle’s? Had she not wanted to? Was it just all-and maybe she didn’t really, and now she would-and just lust, and the book got the best of them and-

_Fuck…_

_Elle?_

** _Yah?_ **

_I wish you had stayed._

_I guess I’ll see you at school?_

** _Yah, sure._ **


	10. Chapter 10

But she had forgotten about dinner.

Overheard her parents talking the next morning; she hung at the top of the stairs, listening to their quiet conversation with interest:

“We have to cancel; I don’t know if I can look at her, Li. I may strangle her.”

“Shepard, do not be ridiculous. It is just Liselle. It is Aria and Thea, and we have weathered far worse,”

Lana cringed, furrowing her brow and drawing her lips into a tight line as she leaned against the stairwell wall; _how had she missed it before?_

Liara continued, “and I have already spoken to Thea, and I believe you once told me, ‘it takes two to tango?’ this is not Liselle’s fault.”

“You are not the one who was,” she lowered her voice to an even softer level, so Lana had to strain to hear, “_involved_ with a T’Loak; I know how they are.”

“That is not fair, Jane, Liselle is not Aria, and I believe you had something to do with that situation,” Liara sighed, slamming the oven door closed after she put the chicken in to roast. “Or did she tie you up and force you to sleep with her?”

“Well-”

“Do not answer that, I was being facetious.”

“Li, I just- she’s my little girl…”

“Do you not remember being her age? Do you not remember _us_?” She heard her father grumble; her mother’s chastising remarks: “And Lana is _your_ child; I believe she may have had a little something to do with this situation as well; from what you told me she did not remove her clothing against her will.”

The sounds of her mother’s laughter, and kissing; crisis averted. She thought it may be safe to venture out, pointedly avoiding their gaze as she passed by and poured herself a coffee. Her mother placed a hand on her shoulder, comfort in this awkward time; her father made herself scarce, unable to meet her eyes as well. “Don’t mind your dad,” Liara spoke soft and low, sitting at the island with her.

“So…” Lana ran her finger along the rim of her cup; familial bonds ran deep.

“Yes?” Liara looked at her harmlessly; shrewdness masking as innocence.

“Dinner…?”

“Is still on.” Liara rose, leaving the unsaids as just that; gave her a knowing look over her shoulder. Partners in crime; the scheming mastermind matchmaker. _As if I did not know; as if I did not see you two._

_As if anyone has that many practices and study sessions go late,_ she smirked to herself, peeling vegetables. _As if any teenager goes to school an hour early four times week. Even _I _did not._

“Thanks, Mom.”

“I love you, baby girl.”

“I love you too. Do you need help with anything?”

“I would love that, Lana,” gave her a one-armed hug and handed her an apron.

***

“Hold it, kid,” Aria put her arm across the stairway, blocking Liselle’s passage, “your mom wants to talk to you.” Liselle’s eyes went wide and she stared at her feet; had almost gotten away with it. Had hoped beyond hope that the parents would just keep their noses out of it and _damnit why do they have each other’s numbers, and why does it have to be _her_, and _them_, and… fuck. _Had a thousand quips at the end of her tongue to throw back at her father if she dared make one comment about it; about who it was or irresponsibility or her age, or-

Surprised her; just smirked and let her pass then; tapping her lightly on the backside as she went. “Good choice, Elle… You really are a T’Loak.”

Rolled her eyes, _there it is… _

“Well, I learned from the best,” she shot back, putting on her best airs; going toe-to-toe with her father was an art she had been mastering since she was old enough to walk. Old enough to remember the gyrating girls and pink lights of Omega. The stale smell of beer and the press of bodies of Afterlife. Aria laughed, sharp and amused,

“I suppose you did, didn’t you? Now if you could only learn to not get caught.”

“I’m trying; you forgot to teach me that part.”

“She as good as her dear old Papa?”

“Dad! We didn’t- I- Shut up…” Aria always won, no matter how much she pushed it. Liselle rolled her eyes, her back to her dad; finding her mother in her office and standing in the doorway while she finished her call;  
“Yes, Valern, but-I understand. Yes, I can see how you would think-no, councillor, do not take that tone with me-”

“I can come back, Mom,” Elle shrugged, leaning against the frame. Thea shook her head, ‘_no’_, but held up one finger,

“Valern, I have to go. My daughter needs-yes, my daughter. Yes, she is-Valern, if you don’t mind I will catch you up on all the ins and outs of my personal life another time, thank you. Yes, ok. Tomorrow; don’t worry we’ll get Sparatus on the line and sort it out.” She disconnected and pinched the bridge of her nose, shaking her head.

“Salarians…”

Liselle smirked; had never met her grandfather, but had met her extended cousins and aunts and uncles, and knew exactly what she meant. “I can’t believe he’s still alive…” Asari ageism at its finest.

She felt the heavy lead feeling of a family talk coming on as she stepped into the office; darted her eyes back and forth as she sat on the plush couch her father had insisted on installing. “Dad said you wanted to see me?”

“I did; I wouldn’t have made it so formal, Liselle, but I heard you trying to sneak out that front door,” her mother was grinning despite her words. She had a strange sideways smirk and Elle was suddenly very nervous. Would be easier if they just yelled at her.

Thea joined her, pouring herself a cup of tea from the pot on her desk before she did.

“Let me guess what this is about,” Liselle began, but Thea put a hand on her leg, crossed over her thigh so much like her father.

“Are you okay, Liselle?”

“What?” It disarmed her; she had assumed this was going to be about Lana and her and-

“I know you had a hard time at the Academy, and I- well, are you okay?”

“Yah, Mom, I’m fine. I like it better here, I…” _I am not alone anymore…_

“I wish you had told us sooner, how unhappy you were there, darling,”

Liselle clenched her jaw and looked away, sniffing. “Yah, well.” Shrugged; looking at the wall and willing the tears away from the back of her eyes.

“Elle?”

“I fucked up, Mom…” she turned back to her, shining eyes and downcast looks, “I fucked up everything. School, my friends, now _her_; I’m never going to be allowed to see her again, am I? All because I’m too much like Dad; or not enough like her. I can’t figure it out.”

“Oh, honey;” Tevos put her tea down and rubbed her leg, “You have never ‘fucked up’ anything in your life. And, well, yes, I did get a message from Liara last night, and, well, I think it is really only Jane we need to talk down,” she couldn’t help but smile. “You are young and brash and, well, we do not make the most sensible decisions when we are Maidens. We cannot blame you for being in love.”

_In love…_

“But, yes, maybe it was a bit soon. Remember, Shepard is human; she is used to a very different aging process…”

“She hates me. She hates me because she doesn’t want her daughter with someone like Dad, which is bullshit, because they-” Tevos held her hand up; knew her daughter knew all about Aria and Jane, or at least enough.

“She does not hate you, Liselle. Do you not remember how much she loves you? She was your best friend growing up, before Lana came along; her and Bray.” Liselle nodded, brooding but taking that fact into consideration. “She just is protective of her daughter, and does not want either of you to get hurt; your father and her hurt each other very much. It wasn’t just Liara and I who were treated poorly; they tore each other’s hearts out, and I believe she is afraid she is going to see that happen all over again, but to the two people she _can_ protect.”

Liselle sighed, “I just try so hard to be like her, Mom. To make her proud,” tears leaked out of her eyes and she closed them; squeezing them shut and keep them at bay. Thea reached for her and pulled her down into her lap, letting her lay her head there and stroking her crest softly.

“Oh, baby, we are so proud of you. So proud; we love you so much. You are our only reason for being here, in this universe, my sweet, gloomy, snarky girl. We just want you to be happy. We don’t care who you date, or what school you go to, or if you follow in our footsteps. In fact, your father is horrified at that notion.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Liselle looked up at her, taking her mother’s hand in her own, “I thought she kept me out of it… because I wasn’t-” her breath hitched, breaking down at the admittance of her greatest fears; sobbing out the words: “_because I wasn’t good enough_.” She buried her face in her mother’s lap, breaking down; her tears staining Thea’s dress. Thea rubbed her back and shushed her, letting her cry.

“Why do you think we do not live on the Citadel or Omega full time? We chose to stay here; we wanted to give you a normal life. We thought you would enjoy the Academy; you did not, and that is fine.”

“Mom, I just want to be someone who does something important,”

“You will, Liselle. You have to forge your own path, darling, but you are still the child of the two most important asari in the galaxy; do not forget that. You have that greatest _in_ you; do not be us, take the best of both of us, and be _you_.”

“She likes me for who I am, Mom. I think…” The tears were drying now, and Liselle sat up.

“Of course she does; and you deserve someone like that, Elle.” She cleared her throat, the subject broached now, “and, I need to know if you’re ready for that step; the physical act, Liselle. It is a bigger step than it may seem. You are connected to someone forever once you pass that barrier, especially when you meld… I know your father pretends otherwise, but I believe she feels the same. What you do with your body is your choice, Liselle, but your first time is different. It is not usually something you forget, and it is something that will mean a lot. Sex can be flippant and enjoyable and a way to blow off steam; it can be as casual as you like, but not your first time. Not with someone you love.”

Liselle nodded, knowing that weight; had felt it between then last night. “I think I am. I have never felt like this before, Mom.” Thea nodded at her,

“Okay. That is all I’ll say on the matter. Other than, perhaps ensure you are both safe. Those talks we had when you were younger, you remember?”

“Yeah…” Uncomfortable now; pregnancy not something she had even thought about, “and Dad did too…”

“Alright then; just know it may be harder than you think, in the moment. Just know it is your body making it as easy as possible for it to happen; making it so _tempting_.” Thought back to just how incredible it had felt, with Aria on top of her, pressing her into the countertop of that old townhouse; of wanting so badly to carry the child of woman she loved, and how easy it had been to ignore all the red flags and the turmoil between them- but then there she was, a grown woman almost; the best thing they had ever done.

“Thanks, Mom. For listening. For understanding…” She leaned over and kissed Tevos on the cheek, like she hadn’t since she was a child, and Thea smiled, standing. Had given her enough grief for one day; didn’t want to push her into any teenaged moods.

“Anytime, Elle, I mean that. You did not need to keep all this to yourself; now, go get ready for dinner, we’re leaving for your girlfriend’s house in an hour.” Liselle blushed; her mother’s brand of teasing wasn’t as biting as her father’s, but it was there. Just as witty. Just as sharp.

“Oh Goddess, we’re still going?”

“Of course; we have to maintain our airs, we are Tevos’ after all;” she grinned as she left the office, Liselle on her heels. “Plus, we have to get this over with and out of the way so you two don’t have to sneak around anymore.”

***

“No alone time.”

“Yah, okay…”

“And you’re not to be up in that bedroom, unless Charlotte is there as well, got it?”

“Yes, Dad,”

“Don’t ‘yes Dad me,’ Lana,” _you’re lucky I didn’t shoot her, or you, or both… my kid, under my own roof, and _her _kid. Jesus fuck, why is my life like this? I thought all this complicated, incestuous, T’Loak bullshit was done with. Over. God. _Shepard stomped out of the room, not sure if she was even mad; or who she was even mad at if she was.

_Fuck._

She had retreated back to her room, her only safe space it seemed. Had no idea why her dad was being so unreasonable; it wasn’t the act itself; it couldn’t be. She hadn’t even done it. She had calmed down and been comforting and almost kind, despite her discomfort, now she was all worked up again. It had to be who it was with… Felt a rage grow in her chest, stalking around her ribs as she paced her bedroom; _how dare she. Like she has any right to judge Liselle; like she has any right to say who I love… _Her face contorted into something gargoyle-like and she threw open her closet, debated emptying her biotiball bag and throwing anything within reach into it; fucking off to Freya’s, or better yet, the safe arms of her grandparents… pulled out clothes for dinner instead.

Charlotte knocked on her door, softly, and Lana grumbled a response. She was half-dressed, trying to decide between two tops; one was low-cut and green and she knew it looked great on her, but she worried her dad may get the wrong idea. May think she was stirring the pot. _Fuck it_. She threw it on as her little sister came into her room and sat on her bed.

“Can I borrow your pink sweater?”

Lana screwed up her face; she didn’t particularly like the sweater - the colour didn’t go great with her eyes - but it was _hers_. Charli saw the look on her face and raised her arms in a shrug, “I asked this time…”

“Fine,” she pulled it off its hanger and threw it at her. “Keep it.”

“Really?” Charlotte grinned, feeling the soft fabric between her fingers. “Thanks, Lan.”

She grumbled back at her again, and Charlotte rose; “hey, don’t be mad at me. I wasn’t the one who told on you;”

“You knew?”

“Lana, everyone knew. Except Dad, I guess… She’s kinda dumb sometimes…”

Lana laughed, closing the door and inviting Charli to sit, “I’m in a lot of trouble, aren’t I?”

“Nah,” her sister replied, taking off her t-shirt and pulling on the sweater. “They’ll get over it. You just need to be more careful, sis; don’t be so stupid. Like Dad,”

Lana swatted her, “she just makes me crazy, Charl.”

“I know, I get it.”

_No you don’t, but you will_, Lana thought; _right now it’s all holding hands and giggling for you… You just wait, sis…_

“And now I’m never going to be able to see her again…”

“Nah,” Charlotte fiddled with her stuffed elcor, “you’ll see her in like a few minutes,”

“Yah, while chaperoned. I mean, alone. Dad is never gonna let me out of the house again,”

“Not that that did much good,”

“Shut up…”

“Dad’ll come around; Goddess, you would think she would understand, all the times I’ve walked in on her and Mom;”

“Ew, really?”

“Yah, I walk a lot quieter than you do…” she made a gagging noise, laughing. “They’re really gross; like, _really_ into some weird stuff.”

_You won’t think it’s so weird in a few years, Charl_, she thought. Lana debated telling her about Jane and Aria; decided she didn’t need to know. Not now; not yet. Not ever maybe.

“Blarg,” she agreed, looking back at her through her makeup mirror as she put on some mascara, “thanks for listening, Charlotte…”

“Hey, what are sisters for?” She got up and took her t-shirt with her, “just tone it down a bit, Lan; don’t be so stupid. Keep it in your pants, jeeze.”

“You’re pretty smart for a kid, you know that right?”

“Shut up; you’re only five years older, idiot,”

“Six,”

“Whatever, five and a half, Jesus.” They stuck their tongues out at each other, giggling like when they had been younger and had talked like this all the time; one bedroom between them, twin beds shoved into corners, one always empty anyway when Charli had climbed under her sibling’s covers and snuggled close. “You love her, don’t you?” Charlotte didn’t know what that felt like, but she could see it; could see it in her sister’s eyes.

“I think so,” Lana put the cap back on her mascara and turned, her arms against the dresser behind her. Charlotte was struck at how much she looked like their mother now, with makeup making her look twice her age, and her usual casual wear swapped for something a little nicer. With some sagacity under her belt from these last few months. Really was growing up, becoming a woman.

“Thanks for the sweater.”

“Thanks for the advice. See ya at dinner.”

­***

They sat next to each other at dinner, hands sneaking beneath napkins to brush against thighs in comfort. In _it’s going to be okay_ gestures. Liselle kept her eyes on her plate; couldn’t look at Shepard; couldn’t watch her father slap her on the back in jest, or her mother and Liara laughing as they sipped their wine. Could only think about Lana, and just how close they had come to-last night and-

Lana squeezed her hand, seemed to read her mind; opened a shallow meld while the parents were distracted; just surface level so their eyes wouldn’t give them away.

_Goddess, your dad hates me…_

_No-No! She doesn’t, she’s just; I don’t know what. She doesn’t hate you. Not anymore than she hates me right now…_

_I’m sorry, Lana. _

_Don’t be, Elle. _

_I can’t stop thinking about last night- I-_

_I know… God… I just want to-_

_an image in her head, of her own naked breasts in her mouth; of her in her underwear laid out before her, so tempting and ready and- _

_felt the ghosts of arousal, who’s she didn’t know; her own, or the mind connected to it._

_Fuck…_

_Whew…_

Lana eased out of her head, taking her hand away and returning to the roasted meat and vegetables in front of her; trying so hard to keep the flush off her face. The smirk out of her eyes. Knew it wasn’t the time or place to push the limits.

Liselle sighed and caught Shepard’s eyes, looking at her with a steely gaze. She smiled back anyway, feeling cold.

_She had trembled while coming up the front steps, her parents ahead of her like krogan bodyguards, her heart feeling like it would fly from her chest; torn between wanting to see Lana again and not wanting to confront the mess they had left in the wake of their bedroom adventures. Liara had opened the door and greeted them; kissing her mother on the cheek and taking the dish Aria held into the kitchen._

_“Aria,”_

_“Shepard.”_

_“Liselle-” stone cold, jaw flexed tight._

_“Hi Auntie Shepard…”_

_Liselle stood awkwardly in the door, as Jane poured the wine; Liara returned and hugged her as well. _

_“Do not worry, Elle… she’s all bluster.” Liara ushered them into the living room, and Liselle saw Lana standing in the doorway, looking small and lost and right at her. She went to her, hurried, touching her cheek; could still remember the taste of her, how her breasts felt in her mouth; couldn’t kiss her. Not here. Not now._

_“Hi,”_

_“Hi.”_

_“I’m sorry,” Lana whispered, taking her hand and leading her into the room where their families were gathered; _fuck it, it’s all out in the open now.

_She sat on the floor and Liselle stood next to her, leaning against the wall; letting Charlotte take the last seat and leaving a respectable distance between herself and Lana’s father. Charlotte looked from her to her sister and back to her parents, the air tense despite Liara and Thea’s laughter and the tinkling of glasses. _

Remind me to never fall in love, _she thought, sipping her cola drink. _This is insane…

_Shepard glowered at the pair on the floor; not exactly mad, but looking every inch the solider she was. Aria was speaking of some Alliance business in the Terminus system, but she could tell her father wasn’t really listening. Was nodding and agreeing in places, but Charlotte could see her eyes on Liselle. She rolled her own, taking a small appetizer off the coffee table and popping it in her mouth. Her sister looked so sad, so deflated; so unlike the usual jovial, awkward, all-stumbling limbs and nervous ticks she was so used to. And Elle, she seemed to have shrunk; her face slack and her eyes sunken and lightless. Was suddenly very protective over them, both of them; _how could her father, usually so noble and proud, do this to a child? How could she not see how much Lana was like her, and how she had extinguished that in an instant and- _she looked to her mother, who wore familiar lines of worry; to Thea, who was pointedly avoiding the subject. Their whole dynamic turned upside down. Their extended family in a tailspin because of one _stupid, selfish, dumb human-_ she had enough: she placed her drink on the coffee table with more force than necessary; _

_“Is no one going to say anything?!”_

_“Charlotte!” Liara gaped at her, placing her own wineglass down onto the table in shock,_

_“Well? We can’t just ignore it; look at them-” she pointed at Lana and Liselle; Lana was staring wide-eyed at her sister and Liselle was pointedly looking at the floor. “And look at Dad; and you two aren’t even really talking,” she said to Aria and Shepard. “I’m going upstairs right now if we don’t resolve this.” _

_“Chuck,” Shepard started, looking a little chastised; hadn’t realized how much was written all over her face, _

_“No, I’m serious, Dad; this is terrible. No one is acting normal. No one is acting like themselves; everyone is mad, and I can’t take it.” She reached her hand out to her sister and dragged her to her feet, “Come on you two.”_

_She stormed out of the room, Lana and Liselle mumbling apologies behind her, and the adults heard her bedroom door slam._

_Shepard rose, “they better not be-” _

_Liara stood and stopped her, a hand on her chest, “Jane, sit back down.” She sighed, rubbing her forehead, “you are being unreasonable. And Charlotte is right, this is ridiculous.”_

_“No, what is ridiculous is someone breaking into my home and defiling my daughter under my roof,” she grumbled, turning on Aria; Aria held up her hands._

_“Whoa, ho-ho, now now, Shepard; I don’t believe anyone _broke in_ anywhere.”_

_“Shepard, we were doing the same thing-”_

_“My teenager should not be having sex under my roof!” _

_“By the Goddess, Jane; I lost my virginity to you under my parents’ roof. Stop this right now!”_

_Thea had stayed silent until then;_

_“Jane, what is the matter?” Always the diplomat. “Sit down, we can all talk about this like adults. Shepard sputtered out, the gas tank of her rage almost empty; let out a long breath and sat._

_“They’re too young…” _

_Liara sat next to her, Aria retreated to her own wife; not quite a standoff, but as close as they had been to it in decades. “Honey, they are growing up.”_

_“They barely-I mean-” she couldn’t justify her feelings; not when she was so outnumbered. Couldn’t hide it anymore. _

_“Sex is normal for our species,” Thea added;_

_“Most of us, anyway, not our fault you bonded with the only prude asari in the galaxy…” Liara shot her a sarcastic look; _

_“If only you knew, T’Loak… that shy girl is long gone-” Shepard grinned a little, the tension easing just a fraction. She bit her lip and Aria looked at her – into her, like she always had the ability to do:_

_“This isn’t about the sex.”_

_“No,” she admitted. _

_Aria narrowed her eyes: “It’s about Liselle.”_

_Jane sat up straighter; owning it. She was brave after all. “Yes, it’s about your kid.”_

_“Be very careful, Shepard,” Aria warned, swirling her wine around in her glass._

_“She’s a bad influence-”_

_They all spoke over each other at once:_

_“She is not”_

_“You don’t even know her,”_

_“Give my kid a break, Shepard;”_

_“Who says it’s Liselle anyway, what about Lana?”_

_“So, it wasn’t a problem that our daughter got into a fistfight, but _Liselle_ is the issue?”_

_“Do not judge her”_

_“Don’t you dare make assumptions about my child based on my-”_

_“Don’t you know how much Lana is like _you_?!”_

_“You are being ridiculous, Jane!”_

_“Tell me why I shouldn’t be worried,” Shepard demanded, “you know what she’s like.” She pointed Aria, who sneered;_

_“Choose your next words very carefully,” _

_“Jane-” Liara tried to diffuse the anger between them; it roiled in the air, all jilted-lover foggy, the electricity between them still there all these years later._

_“Aria-” Aria pushed Thea’s warning aside, _

_“No, let her speak; if she has a problem with my child, I’d like to hear it.” Her eyes were focused and soul-searching; perilous light in their depths: a combustive reaction just waiting for the final catalyst._

_“I don’t have a _problem_ with Liselle, I-” Shepard stood, holding her hands out in surrender; “Okay. Okay- maybe I jumped the gun a little… you know I don’t-I mean, I love Liselle- it’s just… I worry she’s going to drag Lana into something-” she sighed, “something that I know too well. Bad choices… dangerous territory.” _

_She looked around at all of them; fifty years on and still together; closer than ever, but-_

_“Well, come on; doesn’t anyone else have any issues with this? Our history?” _Your history,_ she thought, staring straight at the Queen of Omega. The three asari shook their heads, and she threw up her hands, _

_“What if it all goes to shit? What if what happened to us happens to them, and-” _I lose you all over again… _“it’s so messy…”_

_“Yah, and it always has been,” Aria downed her wine and sat on the arm of Thea’s chair, “Liselle is not me, Shepard. Lana is not you.”_

_“I can’t help it- she’s my firstborn-”_

_“And Liselle is ours,” Thea broke in, “and I happen to think it’s a perfectly lovely match.”_

_“As do I,” Liara added, rubbing her wife’s shoulder, “and you adore Liselle. Stop thinking about what you want, and starting thinking about our child.”_

_“So what if we were,” _fucking – in love – _“involved?” Aria continued, her toe tapping, “it can’t get any more complicated than it already is. We’ll share grandkids, how fucking ironic is that? Aethyta will loose her fucking mind.”_

_Shepard rose and poured another glass of wine; went around the room and topped off everyone’s glass as well, “and what if it _does _all goes to shit? What if they break each other’s hearts; how are we supposed to deal with that?”_

_They all shrugged; _we dealt with it, _Aria’s eyes said; Liara’s eyes said. Thea raised her brow. All seemed to read each other’s minds._

Then we deal with it; like we always have.

_“I guess we better call the kids back down for dinner,” Liara went to get them, hoping Charlotte had calmed down. It took a lot to get her going, but she was all T’Soni; once she blew…_

_They, of course, had heard snippets of it. Their parents’ conversation hadn’t been quiet, nor secluded. Charlotte had stomped to her own room and let Liselle and Lana hide in hers, giving them a knowing look of ‘I won’t tell if you don’t.’ But they were so sapped all they could do was hold onto each other’s hands and listen; all child-like eyes and sick hearts. Heard the cacophony of them speaking over each other about Liselle; then the lowered voices of some very serious parent-type talk, the tone and volume level that only seemed to come out when children’s fates were being decided without their input, or teenagers were in trouble…_

_Had no idea they could have shouted it from the rooftops; they already knew. _At least Charlotte is spared from it,_ Lana thought; nothing made her more nauseated than that cathedral-hushed volume level; she grabbed onto Liselle’s hand harder and nuzzled into her neck. The older girl chanced a kiss on her crest, wrapping a protective arm around her._

Now at least Liselle could relax a little, trying to smile at Shepard over the table.

Shepard closed her eyes, took a deep breath and smiled back; something letting loose in her heart, suddenly ashamed of how she had-_ she’s just a kid, and-God, being a dad is hard_.

Liselle’s face lit up a little, and she turned to Lana, checking to see if she saw; she was in deep conversation with Charli about whose turn it was to do the dishes. She looked back to Jane, who tipped her head at her:

_Okay, kid. Okay._

***

Shepard stood by the kitchen window, loading the dishwasher and listening to the sounds of after-dinner conversation floating out of her living room. Dessert had been served and eaten, coffee had been sipped, and the kids had begun to yawn. She looked over her backyard, watched hazy, lazy smoke drift by the trunk of the largest tree, so white in the late fall night. Liselle had supposedly gone to use the restroom, and Jane actually smirked when she first noticed her there, half hidden by both bark and darkness; laughing a little as she rinsed plates and glasses.

“Go to her,” Thea surprised her, coming up from behind and touching her lightly on the back. She looked over the expanse of lawn and made a face Jane knew too well: ascorbic humour hidden by a façade of placidity; “She thinks I don’t know she smokes.” Shepard raised her eyebrows: _teenagers. _

“Yah, I guess I should,”

“Only if you want to,” Tevos offered, taking the cup from her hand and taking over.

“Yah, I do.”

“Then go.”

“Hey kid, can I bum one?” Shepard was still pulling on her coat, threading arms through sleeves and coming down the steps.

“Hey Shepard;” she leaned against the tree, pulling a smoke from her pack and handing it over. Not really looking at her, but trying to.

“You haven’t got my kid hooked on these, have you?” She asked around the cigarette in her mouth, lighting it; Liselle looked mortified and harsh at once. Jane held her hands up, handing back the lighter in surrender; “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I’m one to talk, huh?” She motioned with the smoke in her hand, but it went deeper.

_On so many levels…_ Liselle thought, dryly. Wondered if she had any idea she _knew_. She smiled, just a tad, and the thunder clouds in her stomach dissipated; forecast light showers, a chance of sun.

They stood in the cold, not sure what to say or how to say it, and Jane sighed, remembering carrying this woman in her arms as a toddler, her grabbing her hair and pulling at their first meeting – crying if she thought back on it. How bad she had felt that Aria’s child had been afraid of her, and now here she was doing it all over again. Remembered feverish nights and bedtime stories and her laughter mixed with Lana’s and how proud she had felt that they loved each other so. That a Shepard and T’Loak could love so deeply without any of the other bullshit in the way… she went a dark red, unbeknown to Liselle, who was studying the grass and fallen leaves – all moldy wet this late in the season – very intently.

“Listen, Liselle. I’m sorry. I- I don’t really know what to say.”

The asari shrugged, “I don’t either.” _Just please don’t kill me…_

“I forgot how it is. What it’s like, and-” she ran her hand along the back of her neck and Liselle was transported back to her childhood, where Shepard had been her hero; everything she had ever wanted to be existed between Jane Shepard and Aria. Superheroes in her mind’s eye; had yet to know their darkest secrets. Jane continued, “-and, well, your father and I- _all_ of us -are so close, and I don’t want that to-” she didn’t know how to articulate her worries without spilling the beans.

The beans she didn’t know were already all over the floor, threatening to trip her up, ass over tea kettle.

"I got carried away.”

“Yah, okay. I mean, I understand…” Liselle lit another smoke and tossed one to Jane; she took the lighter as well.

“I’m not exactly thrilled with the prospect of my daughter being, well, you know, sexually active…”

Liselle didn’t know how to answer, just leaned back against the bark as Shepard kicked the grass with the toe of her boot. What could she possibly say to the father of the girl she so desperately wanted? The father of the girl whose nipples had been in her mouth some 24-odd hours earlier…

The woman who had rocked her to sleep and saved the life of her own father, and taken Aria’s heart so easily. Had broken it; a seemingly impossible task.

“Just, treat her fairly. Treat her well.”

“I intend to,” she finally replied, looking over at her with the resolute looks and unyielding features of her kin. Shepard believed her.

“I think you do, yes. It’s just,” she sighed and leaned against the tree as well, arms crossed in front of her breasts, “the apple doesn’t fall far, eh? That worn-out leather rubs off…”

_The sins of the father…_

Liselle bristled, tried to hide it behind a shark toothed smile. Jane pitched the second smoke, down to the filter and done, studying the girl who in the dark could have been Aria T’Loak. Felt her heart break a little for her daughter.

She knew that _pull_. The allure. Knew it so well. Remembered it like it had been yesterday, despite half a century of abstaining. _You’re like a drug, like an illness… _

The slithering, incredible, light-headed pestilence she had craved for so long.

_You’re addicted to me;_

The tainted, sweltering, wonderful danger of her. The banshee in her heart; the beautiful beast who had ruled her base desires, all toxic tenderness and repugnant rapture.

_I would have been your Queen…_

Whispering, slinking, deadly enchantment. Had almost ruined her.

She shook herself from that memory, trying to remind herself that this was not Aria. That even Aria had softness – that tenderness – in her, and if Liselle had even a fraction of that gentle creature she had uncovered and known and loved so very much, well, Lana would be okay.

“I’m not exactly _okay_ with this, but I seem to be the only one, so just take it slow, alright? This is not a free pass; I don’t want to catch you two- I’m just going to have to try to be okay with it, so, just try and remember I’m trying, alright?”

Liselle nodded, crushing her cigarette under her toe, “yah, okay.”

“And it’s not you… it’s my own shit I’m working through… and I’m trying to remember how it felt to be your age and so-” _uncontrollable? Horny? _She smiled to herself, _young…_

“I’m trying.”

“Yes, ma’am;”

Shepard laughed, “oh, Jesus, don’t ma’am me; I’m not at work; come here kid,” she held out her arms and Liselle felt like crying, all the pent-up resentment threatening to fly off her chest. She swallowed hard instead and hugged her back, feeling that same safety in her arms she had felt so many years ago. Grating, sour-sick worry fleeing, just a little.

“And don’t fucking knock her up,” she clapped her on the back hard; like she was one to talk; _like they know that expectant -terror Liara and I went through at school… and if one more asari tells me ‘that’s not how it works-’ well:_

“Then I will have to kill you.”


	11. Chapter 11

Liselle crashed into her as she stepped out the back door of the school, pressing her into the wall with her tall frame. Lana let out a small muffled noise as their lips met, Elle’s hand clamping onto her hip and holding her in place. The kiss was hard, achingly so, and she moaned into it.

She drew back just enough to speak against the stripe that divided Liselle’s lower lip, “Well hello.”

“Shut up and kiss me.” Lana obliged, her fingers curled into her shirt, her back pressed almost painfully against the wall. She tipped her head back as Elle’s lips moved lower, tiny bites and deep kisses fluttering against her jaw, her neck; “Fuck Lana, you don’t know what you do to me.”

“I’m starting to get an idea…” She found the back of Liselle’s neck with feather-light touches and the asari bit down on her neck, making her cry out into the night. She moaned, a tongue there then, soothing the pleasurable pain, and somehow Lana found the strength to drop her violin case. She gripped onto Liselle’s shoulder with the free hand, pushing herself into Liselle, as close as she could physically get, her lips still on her neck, her fingers still digging into her hip, _pulling_. She resisted the urge to wrap her legs around her and let her have her, right there, against the brick wall.

“What’s gotten into you?” She panted against her ear, as her own tongue traced circles along the grooves of her crest; Elle groaned into the touch. Groaned into that wicked mouth that was creeping into a sly grin, as Lana’s hand found the apex between her legs and stroked.

“You…”

Hadn’t seen her since the day before, time a commodity they didn’t have much of lately. No more easy, lazy, lipstick-stained evenings tucked away in Lana’s room, not with Shepard’s eye on them more often than not; no more backseat rendezvous every single school night; couldn’t chance it _every _time; and of course winter had come, as it always did, and biotiball games had been shuttered for the season, and exams had already been written so nothing to study for; couldn’t find a spare moment to do just this. Lana had thrown herself into the band instead, trying desperately to release some pent-up tension and find an excuse to be alone with Liselle without the impending doom of her father just downstairs.

“Goddess, Liselle-”

“You’re so fucking sexy when you play that violin…” Her teeth nipped at her neck again and Lana shuddered, the growl in that voice and the hand pulling her against her in a rocking motion – guiding her touches – too much; her jeans felt too tight. Too hot. Too wet.

“You were watching me…” she felt naughty all of sudden, like she had caught her touching herself.

“Uh huh,” breathless; eyes half shut, lips on her neck, hand dragging slowly up and down her ribs, across her chest.

“Really?” Breathless, eyes closing and crest scraping the wall;

“Fuck, yes.”

“Say that again…” Liselle’s lips found hers and a supple tongue danced against her lower lip; she resumed her below-the-belt ministrations.

“Fuck…”

Lana punctuated the plea by applying extra pressure; “it’s such a nerdy instrument…”

“You’re gorgeous up there, like a fucking rockstar-”

“Hmmm, keep going, Tevos,” she pushed the collar of her jacket aside, smelling the heavy leather and her light perfume; she traced those white swirls on Elle’s shoulders with her own tongue. Liselle was almost panting now, between the hot mouth against her neck and the teasing hand between her thighs-

“The way your fingers move…”

“oh. Oh!” She had never really thought about it that way before, “_oh_…”

“What they could do to me-” low and in her throat.

“You mean like this?” She tiptoed them up to her fly; Liselle whimpered at the loss of the friction that was driving her crazy, until she realized what she was doing. She undid the buttons there, pushed so close against her that no one could possibility see if they did get caught, and slipped the digits down and inside her pants.

“Y-y-yes,” she stuttered out, leaning into her; less of a press against the wall now and more of a collapse. Lana raised one brow, that wicked-coy look in her eye too much for Elle to bear. She rolled her hips against her, both hands against the wall now, on either side of her shoulders, her mouth slack against Lana’s lips. Lana felt herself tremble; a strange throb she had never felt before building between her own legs and driving her to distraction. Wondered how it would feel to have her on top of her, this tidal, thrusting, rotating motion against her own azure, her wetness on her thighs and-

“Do you want me-to-to keep going?” She whispered, her free hand cupping Liselle’s cheek, their forehead’s pressed together. It had begun to snow, but neither of them felt it. Lana only felt her: the warmth of her next to her fingers, the leather of her coat as it brushed against her cheek in time with every motion of her hips, the breath coming out of her nose in long blasts. Her own heart, beating rapid in her chest. Liselle nodded, unbelievingly; and Lana managed to drag the top of her underwear down with the tips of her fingers, just enough; just enough to _feel_ her for the first time. Liselle’s breath caught in her throat, twitching against her. She was smooth and hot and she could feel just a little bit of wetness against her fingers, as they hesitantly cupped her azure; didn’t know where to touch or what to feel for, not at this tight angle, not on someone else’s body, but she explored as Elle bucked and choked back a sob.

Their lips met again, frantic and with no finesse; before Liselle tipped her head back, eyes shut and legs shaking. She felt hot all over; aflame. A blooming warmth spreading from where those fingers were teasing, toying, fumbling. She felt like she might cry, like she wanted so much more of her; all of her. Her naked body against her own, and her own fingers on Lana’s skin, and for those fingers to sink inside and fill her until she screamed her name. She shuddered, realizing how exposed they were. How bare. _Not here. Not now…_ She kissed her, hard, their tongues dancing and teasing and their breath in tandem, but she shot a hand between her legs, grabbing Lana’s wrist and holding it fast; _not like this._

“No-” Lana stopped all movement, and tried to draw back, a heartbroken look in her eyes,

“Oh, I thought- I’m sorry-” she withdrew her hand, lightning quick and hurt, a crater in her chest now. Liselle shook her head, cupping her cheek and kissing her softly to try and convey the love she felt for her,

“I don’t want it to be here… I don’t want to rush.”

Lana was looking at the ground, arms hanging limply by her side; suddenly ashamed and terrified. Liselle did her up her fly, _stupid, stupid, Liselle… Goddess, so stupid-_

“Lana? Look at me,”

She did then, her teeth together and her tongue pressed into the back of them;

“I want you so badly… you gotta believe me. That took every ounce of every conviction I have; you just deserve so much more than this, than here. Or in the back of my car, or anywhere where we have to be quiet and secretive, and I can’t show you how much I- I want it to be perfect. I want to touch you too…”

“Yah?”

“Yes; Goddess, yes… I-” she pulled her against her again, into her arms, her head tucked against crest, kissing softly there; Lana’s face buried into her chest. She tried to make her feel how sincere she was, how easy it would have been to just keep going. “Let’s just go slow.” The snow fell on their shoulders and they began to shiver without distraction keeping them warm. They both stared, the actual, tangible, prospect of the act right there, just out of reach. This had been impromptu; uncontrolled need, and the urge to feel her skin, and to have her around her fingers and- she swallowed hard.

“Okay, slow. I can do slow…”

“You believe me, right?” She held her at arm’s length, looking right at her; green for miles. _Please say I haven’t fucked this up…_ Lana smiled.

“I do, Elle. Thank you, for being honest. For not letting us make a mistake.” She titled her chin up and kissed her. “We have time.”

But did they? She did the mental math as she picked up her violin and Liselle grabbed her hand in her own, strolling back to the car, the lights of the stadium and sports field guiding their way. How many years did they have left before she graduated and left her all over again?

They were swapping stories of their latest parent adventures – _‘Oh yah, Dad wouldn’t stop laughing at me for like a week, and Mom-well, we had some talks about… safety…’ ‘Oh my God, me too! Jeeze, it’s like, who wants to get pregnant? Not fucking me.’_ – pressed up against the trunk of the car, when Lana heard her name:

“Hey, T’Soni!” She peeked around Liselle’s form and saw Paul under the streetlight, his football gear slung in one arm, his helmet in the other. “How about you give me my girlfriend back now?” He dropped his gear and stomped toward them, wiping his hair and neck with his towel, all veins and testosterone.

“Paul,” Liselle turned and crossed her arms in front of her chest, not exactly in front of Lana, but knowing this was her battle to fend off. “I’m not your girlfriend.”

“Come on, Lis,” he stopped short of where they were, just a meter or some from Liselle. He grabbed her hand, “you really want this little girl hanging off you? We had a good thing,”

“No, we didn’t.” She tore her hand from his grasp, wrenching back; Lana stepped forward, her eyes aglow, her skin tingling with Eezo. “Don’t touch me;” Liselle growled all icebergs and snow drifts. He stood in front of them, posturing. His nostrils flared.

“Lis-” he ran a hand through his hair and reached for her again.

“She said don’t touch her,” Lana’s voice was low and even, and she went toe to toe, not afraid of him; _still not understanding why she would-when he’s right there, and look at him?! Those muscles, and the hair, and he’s tall and handsome and_ – but the fight or flight distinctly fight; especially where Elle was concerned. “I’m not a little girl, Grayson;” had been playing sports with boys like him since she could walk. Not to mention asari. “I’m older than you,”

“Bullshit asari shit,” he spat out. She rolled her eyes and raised her palms; he shoved her shoulder. She swayed with the force and back into it, like she had been taught, but her face went rigid, her head turning slightly in the first signs of cracking willpower. The bull inside of her waking up; she fought back the white-hot red temper, closing her eyes and breathing out of her nose to calm the fuse that was nearing its end. Would be so easy to just let out all the sexual frustration via her fists.

“You’re just a fucking kid,” Paul goaded; Lana’s rage subsided. If that was his only argument- she scoffed. Liselle rolled her eyes, moving between them, through them, and to her car; the swagger in her hips distracting them both as she made her way to the driver’s door.

“Come on, Lana. He’s not worth it.” Lana’s lip was curled in disgust, but she dampened her biotics with pure will, turning and going back to the passenger side.

“You a fucking chicken T’Soni?” He whipped his towel at the back of her head and Lana’s shoulders went stiff, her stride faltering mid step. “You wanna kiss girls, you better fucking fight like a man-” He reached out and spun her around by the bicep; Lana got half a sentence out- _“Jesus Paul, what century are you living in?”_ – before he cocked her in the jaw. She reeled, but didn’t give him the satisfaction of crying out; her hand went to her face and massaged.

“What the fuck, Paul?” He leapt, trying to close the distance, but Lana was ready, jumping out of the way, and raising her fists: just in time to see him wrapped in a cloak of blue energy and picked up off his feet.

“Get the fuck off my girlfriend, or we will have a problem,” Liselle spoke low and even and so very much like her father: she emerged from around the hood of the skycar, head tilted forward, eyes narrowed; that double half-moon pinched and razor sharp. She walked him backwards with her field, like a bird of prey, a big cat: all clenched jaw and fierce features, and he flailed as his leg’s dangled.

“Ah man, Liselle; come on. Put me down.”

“No.” Gravelly, low and long. She slowly sauntered across the parking lot with him floating in front of her, and he paled; saw the look in her eyes, one part murder, one part retribution for Angela. She lifted him higher, higher; “Bye Paul;” finally flicking her wrist – like it was nothing, a speck of dust nothing more - and sending him flying a good twenty feet onto the grass. He huffed and tumbled backwards, legs over head, and sprawled on the wet ground, a skid mark of snow tracing his travel. Liselle stood over him, a queen enraged: Paul held his arms up, in surrender, a look of terror in his brown eyes. “We don’t need to fight like men; we fight like _asari_,” she spat out before turning on her heels and stalking back to the car, where Lana was leaning against the door, shocked awe on her face.

Liselle slammed her door as Lana climbed in, turning to her and grinning like a fool;

“I have never been more turned on by you than I am right now,” Lana whispered, leaning over and kissing her. Elle took her jaw in her hand, gently, turning it and looking for a bruise, “ah, I’m okay. He’s got a shit punch. Should send Grandpa The his way for some lessons.” She touched her forehead against Liselle’s;

“I’m glad you’re alright,” she replied.

“Never better; you called me your girlfriend,” she whispered against her lips before sealing it with a kiss.

“I did,” she kissed her back.

As they drove by Paul, who was bending to pick up his gear, his hair wet and hanging in his face, his clothes full of mud and grass, Lana rolled down the window and flung his towel at him. “Hey, Grayson, you forgot the only rule: Don’t fuck with Liselle.”

***

“I’ll only be gone a week;”

“I know, but I’ll miss you,”

“I’ll call every night.”

“Me too.”

They clutched hands, standing by the car and not wanting to let go.

“Come on lovebirds. Lana, get in,” Shepard called out, slipping into the driver’s seat and closing her door. Lana leaned up and kissed Elle, long and probably too explicitly, because her father laid on the horn.

They were off to the ancestral grounds for Christmas, usually so exciting and full of wonder; now it felt like a life sentence. Like doomsday had arrived.

_“Can’t she come with us?” She had pleaded, begged, desperate._

_“Don’t push it, Lana…”_

_“She’ll behave. I’ll behave.”_

_“You can go without her for a week; I went without your father for two years… then another three, if I am being perfectly honest.”_

_“Yah but-”_

_“No buts. That damn place is so big we’d never hear you sneaking around.”_

_“But it’s her birthday, soon;”_

_“When you get back,”_

_“And you’re most definitely not giving her what I know you want to…”_

_“Dad!-”_

_“Shepard!-”_

_Charlotte had chuckled._

_“I’m just saying…”_

_A chastity belt called Dad. A desire dampener named Jane Shepard. Foiler of fucking; preventer of sex. _

“And when we get back, we’ll do something for your birthday, I promise,” she touched her on the cheek, tracing the jagged white mark. Liara came down the steps with her purse, tying her coat closed.

“I can’t wait,” Liselle squeezed her hand and sighed. “Okay, go, before your Dad kills me.”

“I-okay,” she went to get in the car, where Charlotte was sitting with her arms crossed, rolling her eyes at the pair, her datapad shining blue light up onto her face; Liselle wouldn’t let go of her hand, pulling her back in for another kiss.

“Okay, okay, go;” she chanced a quick squeeze of her ass, which brought about another honk of the horn, and they laughed.

Waved goodbye for far longer than they could possibly see each other.

***

Now Christmas had come and gone, and while Lana had tried to have her usual fantastic time – had soaked up her grandmother’s hugs and her grandfather’s relentless ribbing of her dad – she was ready to go home. Missed her terribly. Couldn’t even really enjoy the midnight vid calls and naughty messages, always looking over her shoulder for her father, expecting her to be there. They just made her miss Liselle more anyway.

She sat in the kitchen, watching the snow fall and drinking hot chocolate to the sounds of her sister’s cello in the living room, when her grandfather came by and smacked her on the back of the head, her frog-filled foggy voice pulling her from her daydream: “What’s up your ass?”

***

“What’s eating you?” Aria came around the corner with a bowl of popcorn and spied a sulking Liselle, laying upside down on her bed and just staring at nothing. She peeked her head in.

“Nothing…”

“Right;” she turned and went into the living room, leaving her snack on the couch where Thea sat flipping through a book. She bent in front of her and dug through the ottoman; caught Tevos staring. “Hold that thought;” she held up a vid and Thea smirked.

“Liselle is awake, Aria, and you’ve never been quiet in your life,”

“Well, maybe if you had put her bedroom in the basement like I wanted… anyway, it’s not for us.” She swaggered her way back to her daughter’s room, leaving Thea with the view.

***

“Leave that garbage,” Aethyta pulled her away from her cocoa and into the den, replacing the bookshelf door with a soft click. She poured a tiny millimetre of Canadian whisky into a glass and handed it to her granddaughter, who looked up at her with concern. “Here, from near where your dad grew up,” Lana looked at it like it might bite her; remembered her first, and so-far only, hangover with dread.

She watched as she poured a good two inches of Scotch – the good one, from high up on the shelf, expensive and rare – and sat in her worn chair, motioning for Lana to sit in the other. She sunk down into the plush leather and Aethyta smiled, winsome and deep; remembered a long-ago conversation so similar:

“So, I hear you’ve got it bad for little miss T’Loak?”

“Tevos…”

“Whatever. Aria’s kid. The one who used to run around here half naked and raise hell, breaking my fucking glasses.”

“Yah… Liselle,”

“Right, Liselle,” she sipped her drink; “so?”

“So what?” Lana followed, trying the whisky; it wasn’t bad: kinda sweet actually and not at all like the rum she had drank at Paul’s party.

“_So, _she throw you down on the bed and peel you outta that biotiball uniform yet?” Wanted to see if she blushed like her mother had; and damned if Lana didn’t make the exact same noise…

“_Grandpa…_”

“Well?”

They drank again.

“No…”

“Well, why the fuck not? For Athame’s sake… don’t tell me you’re like your mother?”

Lana found her confidence, here in the place she hadn’t been since she was a small child – at some point it had become off limits – old enough now to share a drink and a talk and:

“Fucking Dad, that’s why…”

“Oh-ho, very good. She’s one to talk!”

“I know!” She crossed her legs in front of her and tried not to pout; tried to sip her drink like the adult she was becoming.

“Had this very same conversation with her, you know-”

“Okay, well I don’t need to know the particulars-”

“I’m just saying, she was all for it then, let me tell you,” she pointed her glass at her granddaughter to make a point; “wanted to strip your mom bare and do all kinds of-”

“Okay-”

The gave her an _if you insist _look;

“So, she’s being a little bit of a pain in the tits, huh?”

“Yah, well, she caught us a few weeks ago… and… it wasn’t good…”

“Well, you sure you’re ready for that, kid?”

“I dunno?” She sounded small to her own ears; downed her drink to make up for it. Aethyta poured her another. _Fuck it. My house. My goddamned grandkid._ Lana took it but didn’t sip right away. Wanted to be coherent for whatever her grandpa had coming.

“Well, if you don’t know you’re not; if you’re not begging for it, if it’s not all you can think about-”

Lana cut her off; hadn’t had an adult speak to her about this – _like this_ – “Oh my God _it is_!”

“Well good then. Welcome to Maidenhood.”

“I-”

Aethyta let her hang in silence, drinking and surveying her over her glass.

“Grandpa, I really shouldn’t be talking to you about this…”

“Why? Cause of your goddamned human father, that’s why. We asari are different, kiddo. Talk away.”

“But Mom-”

“Is a fucking prude;”

“Not anymore, apparently…” she mumbled back, finally blushing.

“Well, fuck, good! About fucking time. So, see?”

“Okay. Okay, well, _fuck_; she drives me wild. She’s made me feel things-”

“You’ve never felt?”

“Yah!”

“Good,” Aethyta crossed her legs under her dress as well, getting comfortable.

“She makes me tingle, all over; my body is all hot and uncomfortable, and-”

“Turned on. You mean you’re turned on,” she laughed; “Get used to it kid. Maidenhood is long and fraught with perils usually only resolvable by a good fuck or a good fight.”

Lana laughed too, then, even though her cheeks were deep purple.

“Listen, those two nimrods you call Mom and Dad, they ever give you any advice about all this?” Lana shrugged, looking out the window with its heavy, dark shutters.

“A little, I guess… mostly just-” she put on her best parent voice, deep and condescending: “Be safe, Lana. Make sure you’re ready, Lana. Don’t get pregnant, Lana…”

“Well,_ don’t_-”

“I know, Jeeze, like I want to?”

“Okay, but other than that clinical bullshit? Like, you know where to stick it, right? Metaphorically, obviously. Unless you’ve got an appendage I don’t know about…”

“Grandpa…” she looked at the floor, “well, yah, come on… I _know where to ‘put it.’_ Kind of… maybe? I mean, I do, Goddess, I know where, I just don’t know… _how_?” Aethyta snorted,

“No one knows how, then they do.”

“What if I’m no good at it?”

“Everyone’s no good at, at first. Then everyone is. It’s not that hard; hah!” She barked out gravel-pit laughter, “pun intended.”

Lana smiled despite it all; “We got kinda hot and heavy a few times… but we froze; first me, then her. I don’t think either of us knows anything.”

“Ah so the infamous T’Loak sexuality-” Lana cut her off, sharply,

“She’s not her father.” Aethyta saw Shepard in her then; in the hardness in those green eyes, and the resolute tone of her voice.

“Alright, alright,” she held her hands up, “no offence intended. Stepped in something there, did I, kid?”

“Maybe…” she tucked her bottom lip up under her top one, eyes wide.

“Okay, so looks like you both need a crash-course, huh?”

“Well-uh, no; it’s fine. I was just venting-”

She ignored her; “-okay, well, whatcha wanna do is-”

***

“Get up.”

“Dad?”

“Here,” she tossed the vid onto the bed, where it bounced in its plastic case; Elle took it in her hands and turned it over: the image depicted asari in various stages of undress, from high-necked dresses to nothing, _parts_ strategically hidden from view by their counterpart’s bodies. _Vaenia, of course…_ she flipped it over and raised one brow in surprise; these asari were decidedly _not_ covered.

“Uh, Dad, I’m not really into watching this with my parents…”

“Don’t be stupid. Watch it later.”

“Dad-” Aria sat, not asking permission.

“So, I’ve been thinking: if you and T’Soni are going to do this, you better know how.”

“Dad, I don’t really need any help-” Liselle looked down and to the side, could never seem to conjure up the confidence she got from her father when her father was actually in the room.

“Yes you do. I’ve seen how you look at her: less like she’s a meal, and more like she’s a rabid vorcha. It’s not supposed to be scary, Liselle, and no daughter of mine is going into anything unprepared.”

“I’m prepared;” defiant, proud; T’Loak.

“Are you? I beg to differ,” Aria lounged back, sideways on the bed, using the wall as a seatback and crossing her boots at the ankle. “Have you ever touched a woman before?”

“Yes!”

“Really touched her? Taken your time and found every inch of her body, and ensured she knew you were? Made sure she saw you seeing her and finding her every secret spot that made her tremble?” She saw the look on Elle’s face; “I didn’t think so.”

Aria wished she had poured a drink; or at least brought her popcorn.

“It doesn’t hurt.”

***

“It might hurt, just a little, if you’re not slow. So, go slow. Make sure you’re all nice and-”

“Grandpa!”

“Well, it’s worse if there’s something _more substantial _going in there, but even a finger or two-”

She tried to sink down into the chair, willing it to swallow her.

“So, foreplay is a must; I’m sure you’ve got that part down, all that kissing and heavy petting, eh, kid?”

She nodded, despite herself.

***

“Don’t jump right into for the main prize; kiss her, touch her. Her knees, her hips, her ribs; her neck and back and shoulders and every part of her,” Liselle nodded, rolling her eyes;

“Oh, so you know all this, big shot? Okay, then-”

***

“So, take it slow; it’s gonna be real tempting to just get down there and get to it, but that’s not what it’s about, Lan. Make her feel loved;”

***

“Rile her up; send her messages; vids. But don’t seem desperate. Seem like you’re in control, even when you’re not. Even when you want to crawl on your hands and knees over broken glass to reach her – to touch her. She’ll know, of course, but she’ll appreciate it; and you will too.”

Liselle swallowed, hard; couldn’t help but imagine crawling on her hands and knees up the bed, with Lana there, ready for her and-

“Use your fingers, your tongue – got any toys around here?”

“Ugh…”

Aria rolled her eyes; “We’ll see about that in about a month. I’m not taking your purple ass to Lucen’s Closet when you ask.”

***

Lana had her hand across her face;

“So, don’t go all gung-ho; warm her up. Try that tongue of yours for something other than smartass remarks. If you do this little swirling motion-”

“_Okayyy_-”

“Find her clit, and-”

Lana coughed out her whisky, long and loud and sputtering;

“Oh, for Athame’s sweet tits, you do know where it is, kid, right?”

“Please don’t say that word…”

“What? Clit?”

***

“Make her feel like the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. Worship her. Her crest, her azure, her breasts, her fingers and wrists. Make she she’s begging for it – and you can’t handle another second of not being buried in her – then you’re ready.”

Liselle nodded, solemnly.

“And don’t you ever be afraid to ask for what you want; beg her. Plead for it if you want. Demand it. You may feel like you’re going to die, from pleasure, from _need_, but it will be worth it.”

***

“Oh! And biotics can be very useful…”

“I know…” Lana mumbled, eyes downcast and hoping she wouldn’t infer how she had figured that one out.

“Whew, good job kid; been doing a little of the ol’ self-guided tour?”

***

“Don’t try anything stupid, like lifting her up or against a wall yet-” Liselle looked up, suddenly and Aria tried not to smirk, “Oh, so I see you’ve experimented a bit?”

“No,” too fast; too indignant.

“You’ll just hurt yourself, or her…”

***

“You know when you play that dumb sport? That field you create around the ball?” Lana nodded, narrowing her eyes, trying to follow along;

“Well… you can do the same thing, but less circular… More, _elongated_…”

“God, Grandpa…”

***

“Go invest in a good _aid,_”

“Aid?” Liselle drew a blank;

“A dildo. I thought I’d try to spare you.” She shrugged.

***

“I’m just saying, kid, sometimes you need a little help; or want a little more. I mean, you won’t feel it, not like one of those fancy sex toys everyone’s using nowadays, but you’ll feel it where it counts-”

“Grandpa, stop.”

“No. Now, if you wanna try it from behind-”

“Stop!”

***

“-Use a pillow under her hips, it’ll make it easier on her;” Aria seemed to get lost in thought; “Goddess, I love that position-”

“Dad…”

“A desk never hurts for that either… your mom had this great desk at the University-”

“Dad!”

***

“You wanna try some different positions? I got a few tips;”

“No. Thanks. No…”

“You sure? I got a lot; oh, like this one called Janiri’s Embrace, whew! Pretty sure we used that one when we conceived your mom; you see, one of you takes their legs and puts it around-”

“Gah!” Lana stood, fingers in her ears;

“What?”

***

“And never fake it…”

“Why would I do that?”

“Very good. That’s my girl.”

***

“Just never fake it.”

_Kill me now…_

“Ok, well,” she pitched her drink back in one, “I’m gonna go find your grandmother.” She stood and went to the door,

“Oh God, Grandpa, really?”

“You just finish that drink. Think about what we talked about.” She was gone, hastily; “Nezzy?”

***

Aria patted her leg as she stood, seeing the dumbfounded and glassy look in her eyes; “We’re going to watch our vid.”

Liselle seemed to clear her focus, come back to herself; “What are you watching?”

“Nothing you want to see,” she grabbed Vaenia off the bed quickly. “You might just want to put some music on. Or go for a walk.” She was gone before Liselle could even react, her fingers deftly moving to the front of her corset, unclasping as she went up the hall, her hips swaying.

Liselle made a weary face, all sour-green gross and long-suffering; pulled on her jacket and slipped out the door.

She sunk into her car and lit a cigarette, but not before pointing the navpoint of the autodrive to a certain Lucen’s Closet.


	12. Chapter 12

Liselle sighed and looked down at the package on her bed, the satin cardboard a stark white; seemingly unbeknownst to their owner, brows pinched together and tongue clamped between teeth. She chanced a glance to her door and stepped away from the bed, snapping the lock into position with a click and pressing into the cool surface, her hands tucked into the small of her back, her eyes on the box on the sheets. She stared at it like it was a live wire: twice bitten once shy; _no, that’s not right,_ she thought, screwing up her mouth into a sideways curl. _Just plain old shy… _

She allowed her head to thump against the door, closing her eyes. _Come on you fucking pussy,_ she thought, a suspiciously familiar voice echoing in her head.

_I am thy father’s spirit… _

_You bought it, fucking use it; not so tough, are you, Tevos? _She shook that from her brain; didn’t need any self-deprecating ghosts of the father haunting her today. She tapped her foot, one part impatience, one part nerves, and forced herself to sit on the bed: “there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so…” she mumbled. She bit her lip, smirking despite herself while imagining Lana’s crooked Shepard smile, her low-whispered adoration: “_nerd”_; those same smiling lips on her skin-her fingers following-the _way her fingers moved over the strings on her violin-across the straps of her bra with the same determined drive–where else could they explore? Her hips, her thighs, her-the contents of this box rumbling awake and-_ she flushed a deep blue. That is why she had bought it after all.

She held the tool in her hand, hastily tossing the box onto the floor and kicking it under her bed and hoping she’d remember to trash it secretly. White marks swirled into a mess of tangled ropes across her forehead as she turned it this way and that; white stripe bitten raw as she fumbled and explored the length, the buttons, the texture.

It roared to life, the sound making her jump and pale; loud. It was too loud. Enormously loud, like the crashing of white water. A burst damn, booming. A biblical flood. Liselle’s heart jumped into her throat, frantically trying to keep a hold of the buzzing _thing_, before it hit the floor and danced across the hardwood composite, sputtering and kicking and bucking like a bronco.

“Fuck fuck fuck-” she dropped to the floor and chased it on hand and knee, desperately pouncing and clamping her hands over the toy, trying to simultaneously muffle the sound and turn it off.

Blessed silence. She strained her ears, closing her eyes in a silent prayer to Athame that it had gone unnoticed.

“What the fuck are you doing in there?” She heard her father’s voice from the other side of her door, and snapped her head up, wide-eyed and frozen as she saw the handle turn and jiggle.

“No-nothing, I just dropped my Omni-tool,”

The silence lasted all of a heartbeat. She could see Aria in her mind, all narrowed eyes and cocked brows, listening for tells. “Nice try; Lana’s here.”

_Of course she is. _

“I’ll be right out.”

She slumped down onto the area rug as she heard Aria’s heeled steps retreat. _Of course she is..._

***

“I had to listen to my grandfather say the word clit about twelve times…”

Lana laid on her bed, her crest hanging off the end and her hands intertwined with Liselle’s. Elle’s head rested against her chest comfortably, and she traced the long lines of Lana’s fingers with her own, trying to recall if her skin had always been this blue, if her perfume had been this sweet. Had her heart always felt this close to the surface of her chest? Had it always beat this fast with her near?

_She had met her in the kitchen - it had taken her a while to figure out the buttons on the vibrator: one had made it glow, the other pulse in regular intervals instead of the unrelenting buzzing that had driven it across her floor. Yet another had made it go limp and floppy, and then when pressed again it _grew. What the fuck did I buy?_ – she was laughing with her mother, and the same heart threatening to spill out of her mouth now had nearly stopped when she saw the sunshine of her smile again. _

“Nooo-?”

“Yah. It was-” Lana paused, looking for the correct word, and Liselle looked up at her. “Unpleasant.”

She closed her eyes and laughed; she supposed her father had spared her a little after all. She thought about the toy hidden in her top drawer and felt the points of her cheeks grown hot.

“I missed you,” Lana spoke low; so low Liselle could feel it in her chest.

“I missed you too,” she replied, holding onto her fingers tighter. Lana scooted lower, their bodies side by side, their noses touching and their lips close.

“I guess you’re not grounded anymore?”

“Nope, I’m all yours;” she ran her hand along the bare skin of her arm; blue against purple. Dark against light.

“Hmm, I like the sound of that,” Liselle replied, shivering as her finger found the crook of her elbow.

“Do you?”

Her lips answered for her and Lana sighed into her mouth; Liselle felt herself relax for what seemed like the first time in weeks.

_Years later she would remember this moment, sometimes, like it was yesterday. Feeling it in her bones. The feeling of her skin a ghost, gliding across her, though her, haunting her; the taste of her breath a memory so vivid it caught in her chest, both her heart and the world pausing momentarily. Like all first loves, it had taken a piece of her and it had never been replaced. The colour of her eyes and the flecks of colour on her crest; the feeling of her belt buckle pressing into her knee; the denim of her jeans – so tight, so wonderful - scratching her stomach. The silk of her bra, the curve of her neck, the sounds she made and the feelings she pulled from her very depths: it would come flooding back on a fall breeze, or when she smelled the first snow of winter on the wind. _

_Why this moment, of all the moments, she didn’t know. Maybe because of the music on the console. Maybe because it had been so quiet and so still. _

_Maybe because it was the moment she knew without a doubt. _

God_, she often thought, _we were just kids_; for the life of her she couldn’t remember why it had felt so wretchedly tangled. Would forget for days and months and years at a time how it had felt, how quarry-deep, gut-punched it had been. Somehow so wretchedly, pallid grey and blisteringly white-hot. Wandering from the path, she had somehow shown her the way; had shown her how it could be - what it could be - to be loved. _

_I will fix you._

_How her lips had pressed against her own, so hesitant at first, so deep and seeking a moment later; as if she had just needed _her_ to come alive. _

I hope you take a piece of me with you.

_Tangled lungs and limbs, roiling through an adolescent bed and adolescent angst, crashing through fears and slowing sowing dreams one particle - one moment - at a time. Show your world to me. _

_I love you._

“Stay with me, tonight?” Liselle spoke against her cheek, her hands roaming her back and pulling her closer. She groaned.

“I can’t,” Lana sighed, kissing her again by way of apology. “Dad would never let me, and anyway, I’m going to Freya’s.” She pinched her side, “don’t pout.”

“T’Loak’s don’t pout.”

Lana rolled her eyes, “okay, _Tevos._” Liselle squinted at her, Lana’s nose scrunching into an accordion of wrinkles,

“Don’t underestimate me, T’Soni,” she drawled; Lana felt that voice crawl up her spine. Liselle shifted her weight and stretched to her full height, straddling Lana’s hips before she realized what was happening. She was taken aback by her quickness sometimes; forgot how she could move like water when agitated. Not with the stoic athleticism she herself held, but rather with some primordial survival instinct carried in her DNA; some ability ingrained in the T’Loak family line, allowing them to slip out of harm’s way or into a lover’s bed in equal measure.

She looked down at her with heavy-lidded, sharp eyes, her hands reaching behind her and resting on Lana’s legs; the angle pushed her chest out and Lana’s jaw flexed in appreciation.

“Elle-”

“Not so quick to run off now?” Lana tried to reach up and cup her breasts, but Liselle shot forward and batted them away, hands on either side of Lana’s shoulders and their chests pressed together. Their mouths followed suit, Liselle taking the lead with her fierceness. She felt Lana gasp when they parted for breath;  
“Not fair,” came her voice, small and desperate.

Liselle chuckled, kissing her again and cutting off her complaint. “I missed you T’Soni.”

***

“Merry Christmas,” Freya wrapped her arms around her, hugging her tightly. Lana had dropped her backpack into the corner of her room and shoved a garishly wrapped present into open hands.   
“Thanks,” she began to peel the paper away, revealing a pair of cleats neatly stored in a stylish box. “Lan, these are awesome…”  
“Dad’s military discount,” she tried to explain it away, blushing slightly and rubbing the back of her neck. Truthfully, she felt guilty about not spending much time with her. Being too caught up in Liselle.   
“Well, now my gift looks like shit,” Freya laughed, throwing a smaller package back at her; Lana grinned and turned the heavy present one way, then the other, hoisting it up and down in her palm.

“Hmmm, what could it be?” She sat on Freya’s bed, untying the bow and uncovering the cover of the book she knew it to be. “Frey, this is great-” English text stared back at her_._ Freya looked out her window and shrugged, not meeting her eye.

“I know she reads a lot of those old classics, and well,” she shrugged again, but Lana understood.

“Thanks, man.” She flipped through the pages that contained the poetry and sonnets Liselle so often quoted, feeling the paper against the pad of her thumb. “Really,” she looked up and stared right at her. The moment was broken a second later, when Lana plucked one at random and began to wax lyric; “can I practice on you? _Graze on my lips, and if those hills be dry, stray lower-_” her voice petered off, going up an octave, “-uh, _where the pleasant fountains lie…_”

Freya screwed up her face and stared, before barking out a laugh; “yah, no thanks…”  
Lana snapped the book shut, vibrant violet, “did uh, did the old human man just make an azure joke?”

“Basically ye olde porn… and no, he made a vagina joke; Shakespeare’s classy like that.”

“Same diff.”

“Yah, save that-” she waved her hand at the Sonnets, “for her.” She flopped onto the bed, where Lana was sprawling, “I’m surprised I could drag you away.”

The asari blushed, “I was there earlier, with her.”

Freya laughed, “well, I’m glad you’re here now.” Lana put her the book down and nodded, grinning,

“Me too, I really am. I’ve missed you, bud,”  
“Hey, I get it,” Freya said around the hair tie in her mouth; she quickly twisted her blonde strands into a ponytail and bounced off the mattress, “come on, we need snacks and a good movie.”

Freya opened the microwave door and pinched the corner of the popcorn bag between two fingers, nodding her head at the cupboard. Lana stretched overhead and grabbed a large bowl, holding it out and letting her fill it. She popped an un-popped kernel into her mouth and crunched, making Freya flinch, “You’re gonna ruin your teeth…” She took another in response and expertly shot it out through pursed blue lips, it banging off her friend’s forehead. Freya jumped and ducked behind the counter,

“Dweeb,”

“Admit it, Hudson, I’ve got aim.”  
“You’ve got something alright.” Freya took a handful and tossed it over the island at her.

“Hey!” They giggled and wandered down the hall, beverages balanced in arms, and traversed the basement stairs on socked feet, flicking on the rec-room light at the bottom; Lana took her usual place in one corner of the deep green couch, Freya on the other, their legs stretched out between them, feet side by side. Freya took a handful of popcorn and held out the bowl, Lana took some as she they selected a movie – some black and white human classic they both had grown up watching, the picture fuzzy and faint, the music sweeping and overwrought, but it stirring emotions in both their hearts.

Freya pulled off her socks and wiggled her toes, surveying the colour for chips, “So, how was Armali?”

Lana blushed, rolling her eyes,  
“Oh my god, my grandfather gave me a sex talk,”  
“What?”  
“Yah… but you know it was kind refreshing. I mean, I wanted to crawl into a hole and die when she started giving me _tips_, but no one had talked to me about it like that before.”  
“Tips?”

Lana nodded, chewing popcorn and taking a sip of her soda. “Positions. Techniques…” Freya shook her head, slowly;

“How did you survive that?”  
“I have no idea… whisky, mostly.” She grinned, then; “I mean, some of it was useful, I guess,” she shrugged. Freya looked back to the console, eating more popcorn and pursing her lips.   
“Useful, how?” She finally asked, not meeting Lana’s eye.   
“Well, I mean, I guess it will be?”  
“So you guys haven’t?” She let it trail off, looking at Lana from the corner of her eye; Lana looked back,

“Nah, not yet…”  
“You think you will?”  
“Yah…”  
“Yah, I kinda thought maybe you had…”  
“I would have told you if we had.”

Freya nodded at her, picking at the pilling fabric on the arm of the couch, “we haven’t either. Ryx and I, I mean-”

“I figured,”   
“I don’t even want to.” Freya’s voice lowered and she went a little pink. “I mean, I really like him. I like kissing him, and making out I guess,” Lana nodded at her, clutching a pillow close to her stomach, her knees curled up in front of it; “I’ve had to slow him down a few times, but he gets it. He’s been really good about it. I just have no desire to sleep with _anyone_. Not yet.”  
“Fuck, I do.” She sounded deadly serious, almost pained. “We both do. We just haven’t.”  
“Well, your dad’s been such a pain in the ass-”

“Exactly-” they both went a quiet again, lost in their own turmoil. Lana broke it, “It’s just so heavy now. It’s so real and not spontaneous anymore. It’s like we’ve overthought it…”  
“So she’s-not ever?”

Lana shook her head, raising one brow, “I know, right?”

“I just thought- she seems so… practiced. Sexy.” Freya laughed at herself, “Even to me, and I don’t like girls, or asari, or whatever.” Lana laughed too.

“I know,” she blew a breath out of her nose, “She’s so much softer than everyone thinks, Frey. She’s so kind. So gentle and scared and she’s so _smart_.” Freya nodded, folding her arms behind her head.   
“Well, maybe you guys just need to let it happen when it happens, Lan?”  
“How?”  
“I dunno, stop thinking about it?”  
“Fat chance,” she laughed, throwing the pillow at her and tipping the popcorn bowl onto the floor by mistake, “ah, shit.”   
“Damnit, T’Soni; what were you saying about aim? No wonder Coach benched you,” Freya dodged a second pillow and laughed, “I guess we need more food.”

“And drinks,”

“And drinks.”

“And pajamas.”

“So-” Freya threw over her shoulder as they headed upstairs, “_what exactly_ did your grandpa say? Share the wealth, T’Soni.”

“Perv.”

***

Snuggled in Freya’s bed, lights off and breath even, Freya broke the silence. “I think you guys just need to do some normal stuff, just chill out and let it happen.”  
“Are you still thinking about my sex life?” Lana rolled over and tucked one arm under her pillow, “but, yah, you’re probably right.”  
“I’m always right.”  
“Shut up.”  
“Go on a date. Stop sneaking around and trying to get each other’s clothes off. Take her out for her birthday. _Oh!_” Freya rolled over too, suddenly, shifting the bed; “Varrencage is playing next week, and I think Eff Tee El is opening. You guys should come; Saturday.”  
“Like a double date? That would be cool…”

“Ryx’s tastes run more Vi-vian Wonder and Janellen Lepp, but he’ll just be happy he gets to dance with three gorgeous women,” Lana could see her smile through the dark of the room.

“Alright, cool, awesome. I’ll let her know,” she smiled back, but as they settled down again, Freya’s chest rising and falling at regular intervals, Lana stared up at the ceiling, wishing it was Liselle’s sleeping form lying next to her.

_A date. A real date. Dancing and dinner and maybe-_

She turned over again, smiling again.

_Maybe a night to remember. _


	13. Chapter 13

“But you’ll be home right?”

“Yes, Lana,”

“Because we’ve got the show-” she shifted from one foot to the other, quickly. Nervously.

“_Yes_, Lana.” Liara looked up from her desk, resigning herself to losing her place in the paper she was grading. “We will be home-”

“Ok good. Because-”

“_Lana_,” Liara dropped her pen onto the thick stack of papers, her bark a bit harsher than she intended; she took a breath. “Darling,” she lowered her voice; watched her daughter flinch backward, removing her hands from the desk and dragging socked feet over the office’s carpet. “It is just a holiday party in Armali. Your father and I are not going to the moon. We will be home in time for your date.”

“_Moon’s not that far…”_ she mumbled, the sulk all over her face. Liara had returned her gaze to her work, so Lana slunk out of the room. “Armali might as well be when I’m the one stuck here with Charli.”

_“No visitors-”_

_“So, no Liselle you mean-”_

_“No going out.”_

_“Dad-”_

_“Stay in.”_

_She made a noise in her throat like stones._

_“Order takeout. Watch a vid. Don’t get in trouble.” Shepard had ruffled her crest, ignoring the pout and crossed arms. “Watch your sister.”_

_“She’s almost as old as I am,”_

_Charlotte strolled through the kitchen, glass of half-finished juice in hand and inquisition all over her face, “a fact you constantly undermine when it’s convenient…” She sat at the island and opened her Omni-tool. “Where you going, Dad?” Shepard had half a banana-type fruit in her mouth and spoke around it,_

_“Some Christmas thing the brass is throwing. Gotta spit shine those ol’ shoes and drag your mother away for a night of mediocre food, bad music-”_

_“-and dancing-” Charlotte joked, scrunching up her eyes and laughing; Shepard rolled her eyes back, but they had all seen her dance. _

_“-and dancing, yes - thank you smallest, meanest, one – and boring conversation.” _

_“Why can’t we come?” Lana sat next to her sister, breaking off a piece of her father’s fruit. She held half of that out to Charli. “A hotel would be more fun than sitting around here.” Shepard pitched the peel of her snack into the garbage and dusted off her hands, taking a swig of her daughter’s drink. _

_“Because, dumbest one,” she punctuated her ribbing with a kiss to Lana’s forehead and leaned on the counter, her weight on her arms, “your mother happens to _love_ my dress blues.” She winked at Charlotte who was grinning behind her Omni-tool holoscreen. Lana went slightly green._

_“Ew-”_

_“Isn’t that right, smartest one?” Shepard called to the emerging form of her wife; Liara turned the corner into the kitchen with a puzzled look, _

_“Sorry?” _

_Shepard winked at the kids again and swept Liara into an embrace, dancing her around the kitchen in a flurry of limbs, their laughter contagious. “I was just telling our progeny that you cannot resist my feminine wiles and fancy foot work, and _no_ they cannot join us in Armali.” Liara playfully slapped her on the chest with the hand that wasn’t in Jane’s. “When the ship’s a rocking, don’t come knocking.”_

_“_Jane,_” scandalized; blushing like her eldest._

_“Hey, sometimes it’s better not to ask what goes on behind closed doors.” _

_They all laughed, except Lana, who made herself smile despite the knot of anger in her stomach. _

Yeah; behind closed doors is right, huh Dad? _She thought, bitterly, Aria flashing to mind._ _Had always thought her father had shared everything – or at least anything important – with her. They were two peas in a pod; her confidant, her shining example. Everything she wanted to grow up to be. Her hero. She had never lied to her before, as far as Lana knew, and now something felt broken. _What else are you hiding? _She quickly forced a laugh, and attempted to bury her resentment down deep and enjoy what until a moment before had been a wonderful moment. Between school, practice, both their music lessons; her dad’s Spectre work, Alliance duties and active tours; and her mother’s tenure-track, research and teaching – well, it was a lot. They didn’t have the same family time they once had. _

_“Come on, Lan; it’ll be fun,” Charlotte grinned and Lana smiled for real then, unable to help it. _

_“Fine,” she got up and sighed, “I guess.” Didn’t really mind spending time with her sister. “Do I have time to go for a run first, or do you have to leave like now?”_

_“Next weekend, Cuttlefish;” Liara clarified, stepping to the fridge and letting Jane sit; Charli nodded. Lana stopped, turning around quickly,_

_“No,” the syllable drawn out as she shook her head,; “Dad, I have plans;” whiny. Like a child. Not doing herself any favours. _

_“Nothing that can’t be rescheduled, I’m sure,” Liara looked to Shepard. _

_“I-uh-I have a date,” she blushed, watching her father hesitantly. Jane opened her mouth as if to speak, but just closed it again with a long, drawn-out breath. She folded her hands over each other and into a ball, covering her mouth, elbows on the table. _

_“When?” She breathed through her nose, _

_“Saturday; Freya and Ryx, and me and Liselle-”_

_“Liselle and I-”_

_“Okay, don’t you teach like _archeology, _or history, or something - not Languages, Mom?” Lana snapped; Liara simply smirked. “We’re going to a show downtown; Varrencage.” Jane hmm-ed appreciatively, despite herself. _

_“Well, child of mine, it is a good thing the party is Friday, now isn’t it?” Shepard rose, taking another deep breath; _I will be brave I will be brave. I am brave. _Trying so hard to be okay with this. _

She is brave,_ she heard Liara’s calming voice in her head; her wife’s hand on her back, three fingers subtly tucked up under the hem of her shirt to open a meld. Knew her so well. _

She is so much like you, Jane. She is so brave. So capable. Let her have this one. Let her spread her wings.

_Liara felt Shepard’s inward smirk; _ **Raise one hell of a storm, huh Little Wing?**

Perhaps. We’ll have to wait and see.

_“Chill out,” Charlotte rose as well, punching her sister on the arm while Lana blushed, embarrassed._

_“Okay, but, it’s a good thing it’s Friday, cause I have a date Saturday.” She turned on her heels and ran up the stairs to change for her run. Liara shook her head, looking up at Shepard. _

_“Why did we have children again?”_

_“Mostly to do chores around here.”_

_“Right,” she laughed, her arms around her wife. “Well, I am so impressed with the spectacular job they do. I hardly ever have to clean a third time.” Jane snorted and kissed her. Liara squeezed her hand; _

_“Hey,” she called out after her fleeing children, “is no one going to give me a nickname?” _

_Charlotte’s voice floated into the kitchen, “Lamest one.” Liara gave her another kiss, laughing into her mouth. Shepard smirked, resting her cheek against her wife’s; Liara closed her eyes against her warmth, a smile on her face. She whispered next to her lips, _

_“Bravest one.”_

***

Shepard poked her head into Lana’s room and saw her daughter with her back to the door, sitting at her desk with her console on. Liselle’s laughter and Lana’s whispered sentences reminded her of days gone by; those few short months that had felt so long, when the biology lab had been her home and the pixelated form of Liara had been her only company outside Miranda and Dr. Solus. So long ago now she barely remembered the antiseptic smells of the lab and gnawing loneliness in her gut. Barely remembered the storm that had engulfed them all shortly after; the maelstrom that had torn first them, and then her very heart, apart. _We were just kids. Like them…_

She couldn’t help but smile – just a little – as she quietly closed the door a few inches and opened her own. She found Liara at her closet, the soft _tink_ of clothing hangers barely audible over the quiet music that filled the room. _Look where we are now, my love,_ she thought, gazing at the woman she loved. _All we’ve overcome. All we’ve built. _

“Shepard,” Liara turned, a skirt in her hands; Jane wrapped her arms around her waist, tucking her chin into her shoulder.

“I love you.”

Liara smiled, tilting her head into her wife, “and I you. Where are the girls?”

“Charlotte’s out with Ash,” she untangled herself and sat on the bed, fingering a satin shirt, “Lana is in her room. Talking with Liselle…”

“Ah;” Liara hung the skirt up and turned, grabbing the shirt from the bed and threading the metal hanger through the neck, barely covering the look of amusement on her face as she did. _Feeling guilty, Shepard? _She walked to the dresser and deposited a stack of socks on the top, ready to be reunited with their better halves. “Would you do the socks, please?”

Jane stood and perched at the pile, matching like with like and tossing aside those who did not belong, their colours, holes, and size labelling them as lost. Liara waited for her to speak, the elephant in the room one of the T’Loak variety.

“Maybe we should take them with us to Armali,” she finally spoke, closing the drawer, her mouth thin. “Maybe we need some family time.”  
  


“Jane…” Liara held her hand out, drawing her back to the bed, where they sat, Shepard on the edge, Liara with her back against the headboard, legs over legs. “We just had a family vacation. I would like a night with only you.” She scratched her nose in reply. Liara reached out and rubbed her cheek, “please just leave them be.”

“Liara, I’m trying. I am-”

Liara rose and went back to the closet, their silence falling over the room, somehow sucking the air from the space and making it buzz with heavy energy at once. Liara finally spoke; “Shepard, do you remember when we first met?”

Shepard started, almost laughing, “of course.”

Liara made a noise of acknowledgment, but continued to dig in the depths. “You remember how it was: how my relationship with my mother was?” She turned those blue eyes back to her and Shepard nodded, “how I did not share anything with her, or want to go home? How she knew nothing of my life, and how I perceived that she judged my every decision?”

Jane opened her mouth to argue; _that was not how _she_ was. _

_Was she?_

“I’m not- Li, Lana is not in university, she’s a kid-”

“Just listen to me, please,” Liara cut her off, “you do not believe that began when I left home, do you?” Shepard shrugged. “You are pushing her away, my love.”

Shepard sat with that for a moment, shoulders slumped. _She wasn’t – no, not Lana… She was just protecting her-_ she sighed. Had promised to _try_. To be brave.

“But I know this one, Liara. I know this one _so_ _well-_”

“As do I,” Liara reminded her, looking back to her with a pointed gaze. “I know that heartache so well, Shepard. _I_ was on the receiving end. _You_ were part of it.” Liara had crossed her arms in front of stomach, “_You_ were not the one who got their heart broken by Aria. _I_ was.”

Shepard stood, placing her hands on Liara’s shoulders, looking right at her, “Liara, she broke my heart too.”

“No.” Liara shook her head, “No. I am sorry, Shepard, but she did not. You did that to each other. You were together; I was left heartbroken and alone, courtesy of Aria T’Loak.”

Jane raised her eyebrows and Liara quickly continued, holding up her hands, “I know you were as well, darling, yes, and you know – you must know by now – I take full responsibility for my part in it all – I should never have left you and,” she faltered, almost mumbling to herself, “given up on us – on you – when you-”

_Came back from the dead? _Shepard thought; it still didn’t sound real – seem real. How could it?

“Regardless,” Liara cleared her throat, finding her stride again, “you may have had your own turmoil, but your actions – her actions – broke my heart. Whereas, if I had not been in the picture you could have - you _would_ have – happily been with her.”

_In another life, T’Loak…_

“If Thea had not been in the picture, perhaps you would be having this conversation about an entirely different young woman than our Lana.” The ghost of something passed in front of her eyes; behind Jane’s too.

Jane narrowed her eyes, still silent, and Liara took her face in her hands, long blue fingers warm and familiar, “Oh Shepard, please do not be angry with me. I am not intending to make this your fault. I do not want to make you believe this is something I hold onto, or resent you for. It is our past. It led to all we have now.” She kissed her, barely a whisper on her lips, “just to remind you that if anyone should be taking issue with our daughter” - _our daughter _\- “dating a T’Loak, it should be me.”

Shepard nodded, solemnly, but did not respond. She sat on the bed, withdrawing and staring off, “I just want to protect her;” Liara barely heard her, her voice was so soft. “From anything like that. I’m her father. I should be able to save her from that heartache… the things we did to each other, Liara…” Liara smiled wanly. _I know; but it is over, Shepard, _that smile said. _Look at us now. I love you so. I always did, even then. _

“She will not listen. Did we?” Jane shook her head, rubbing the back of her neck. Liara went back to the closet, “and perhaps she is right. Liselle is _not_ Aria. She knows her, we do not. Not really. Not anymore.”

“The problem isn’t knowing,” Shepard lounged back on the bed, forearms propping her up and ankles crossed. “It’s being intoxicated by it. It’s not seeing it until it’s too late. It’s not caring. Liking it. Loving it.” _Despite what it destroys in its wake. _

_Dope; shoot it up. Mainline it, please._

“Well,” Liara replied, almost vanished into the back of the walk-in now, “that is her decision to make. Unless we see a change in her, Jane, unless there _is_ a problem, I cannot stomach making that decision for her.” She made an agreeable noise and emerged, a long red dress in hand, “I, for one, am not going to ruin this for her.” She laid the dress out on the bed, smoothing out any wrinkles with her palms. “I do not want the memory of her first date to be painful, or for her to be out dancing with that girl and her friends and to be worrying about coming home to an angry father. I spent far too long worrying about what my mother thought of every decision I made. I had far too many moments of my life marred by that.”

Shepard looked chastised; looked down at the dress. “You’re right. She’ll look lovely in it, Li. You’re always right.”

“Not always,” Liara clicked the closet light off, “but most of the time.” She had that coy look in her eye; the one that ignited Shepard’s heart… and the flame of her libido.

“What would I do without you, T’Soni?”

Liara scooted her over on the bed and snuggled close, “oh, probably get into far more fist fights and sleep with dangerously enticing asari.” She poked Jane in the ribs,

“Huh, sounds like a lot of fun to me.”

“Sounds exhausting to me; how would you ever find time to worry yourself sick?”

“Very funny, _Mrs. Shepard_; come here,” she engulfed Liara in her strong arms, smelling the vanilla scent of her skin. “Who would have ever thought there’d come a day when I was the worrywart in this relationship?”

“I’ve rubbed off on you, I believe; and it’s Dr. T’Soni, thank you.”

Jane’s hands were wandering, “hmmm, how about you rub off on me right now, Doctor?” Liara swatted her hands away, but began to undo the buttons on her blouse; was shimmying out of her pants. She threw a glance to the open door, flicking it closed with a practiced biotic hand. Shepard grinned a hungry grin.

Liara straddled her bondmate’s lap, letting one muscular thigh press against her, “I suppose there has to be _one_ dangerously enticing asari in your life.” Shepard growled a rumbling noise of consent, hands around her hips, “and I believe-” her breath caught in throat, “_oh_, Goddess, yes; _just_ _like that_… it is best if that asari is me.”

Shepard rubbed the small of her back with her fingers, subtly guiding her. Liara looked down at her with half-lidded eyes, swirling grey; a flush beginning to crawl up her chest where Jane could see it through her unbuttoned shirt.

“Show me how enticing you can be, then, T’Soni.”

Liara leaned down and kissed her. Hard; teeth pulling on her lip and fingertips digging into her cheekbones. She let her biotics run wild, engulfing Shepard in a torrent of blue flame that threw her arms back behind her head and held her stiff; shoulder blades and neck arched into the bed. Jane let out an uncharacteristically high noise; shocked. Pleading. Suddenly desperate.

“Liara-”

“I’d prefer to show you how dangerous.”

And she did. Long into the night.


	14. Chapter 14

Liselle knocked on the front door, a bouquet of flowers in hand. She looked up and down the quiet street, listening intently for any signs of life on the other side of the Shepard-T’Soni door. She was so used to using the back door – and Lana’s window – that this seemed perverse somehow. She adjusted her collar under her jacket, the corset she wore unfamiliar and – to the point - a little tight. It wasn’t exactly her father’s brand, but when she had seen it in the window of Lucen’s Closet she knew it had to be hers. It had the same buckle-like clasps along the sides, but wasn’t as complicated across her breasts; a lot of cleavage with none of the unattainability. She wore tight red pants with it, setting off the accent piping of both it and her jacket. The flowers were a pale cream colour.

Shepard opened the door and stared, for just a moment her eyes going wide; Liselle smiled – all sideways awkward and so innocent and young – and she relaxed, the illusion before her dispelled.

_Aria dropping a long overcoat to reveal naked flesh; “Thought you’d appreciate the memory, Shep.”_

“Is Lana here, ma’am?”

Shepard held the door open wide, “She is, come on in.” She beckoned her inside and couldn’t help but laugh; she half expected Liselle to start picking the petals off the blooms she carried, to rid herself of the nervous energy coming off of her in waves. _She loves me. She loves me not._

“Lana,” Jane called, “your date’s here.” She retreated into the living room, leaving Liselle to stew in her own soup of stresses. It was a rite of passage after all.

Lana came down the stairs then and saved her from herself; she took her in with wide eyes, a grin spreading across her face; she wore a red dress, deep and lush, and a bit longer than the only other one she had ever seen her wear.

It made her chest ache; she looked like a goddess, a temptation; her very own Cordelia-Lear-teenage-wet-dream-far too beautiful to be real. So different from the mud-stained-sweat-covered sports star-jogging-pants and sneakers-jeans and coffee girl she knew so well.

“Wow,” Liselle licked her lips, her mouth suddenly very dry. _Wow_.

Lana paused at the top of the stairs, biting her lip taking a deep breath. _It’s just Elle. It’s just a date; you’ve had a dozen coffee dates, watched a thousand movies. You’ve felt her-uh _her_…under your fingers, for God’s sake… _She adjusted the strap of her dress – her mom’s dress – and smoothed out the front.

_She had come into her bedroom after her shower and found it hung on the back of her door, steamed and so soft. Liara had come down the hall as well, from the opposite direction, with a small purse in her hands. “Here, Little One.” _Not so little anymore, _she thought. Lana had nodded, smally; a little overwhelmed, the garment so adult. Her mother had simply left her alone to dress, with a smile. _

_As she was doing her makeup in her tiny mirror, hands stumbling over tiny details, a knock interrupted her fretting. “Yeah?”_

_Her dad in the doorway, twin eyes showing twin worry. “Hey Cuttlefish.” Lana let out a stream of breath through her nose, the closest to laughter she could muster. She went back to her mirror, _

_“Hey Dad.”_

_“Here,” Jane held out a pack of gum, showing it her before tucking it into the purse that lay open on her bed. “And here,” she tapped her on the crest with a credit-chit, “You asked, you pay.” Lana flinched away from the tapping, _

_“I’ve got allowance money-”_

_“Let your dear old dad do this, huh?” Shepard sat on the bed, eyebrows raised. _Truce?_ Lana looked back at her in the mirror;_

Truce.

_“Thanks Dad;” she smiled. Shepard clapped her hands onto her thighs and stood, _

_“Well, be safe.”_

_“We’re just going downtown.” _

You know what I mean; _those eyes said. She was halfway out the door when she stopped, fingers wrapped around the frame, _

_“Hey,”_

_Lana turned back around in the chair, “Yeah?”_

_“Have fun, kiddo. I mean that; have a blast. Show off those signature Shepard dance moves.” She left, the sound of her daughter’s laughter music to her heart and soul. Had always imagined this moment with sage fatherly advice; how to whine and dine and woo. When it came right down to it, she wasn’t brave at all. Wanted to wrap her arms around her and keep her here forever…_

With the credit-chit in her purse and the dress hugging her tight she descended the stairs.

“Hi,”

“Hey.”

“You look-wow.” _Beautiful._

Lana’s eyelashes hid her eyes, fawn-like. “Uh, these are for you,” Liselle held out the flowers and Lana took them, blushing.

“Thank you,” she pecked her on the cheek before holding them to her nose, taking a breath of their scent. Liara came down after her, watching them hesitantly touch hands and arms from the stairway. She smiled, the lines in the corners of her eyes deepening. She announced her presence:

“You both look wonderful; here,” she took the blooms to the sink. “I’ll put them in your room?” Lana didn’t even nod; only had eyes for the girl in the corset. “You know, I remember your father and I’s first date like it was yesterday,” she said, clipping stems while the water ran. “She took me to a silly little Earth-themed diner. We drank bad coffee and talked about school.” She finished placing the blooms in a vase and turned to them, “somehow it was the most romantic evening I’ve ever had.” Lana gave Liselle a look. Charlotte peered in from the living room;

“You look like a perfume model.”

“Okaay-” she ignored her sister, her mouth thin and so much like her mother. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah,”

“Bye Mom,”

“I’ll have her home right after the show,” Liselle hastily added, from the door, where Lana was trying to shove her out into the night. “Promise.”

Liara laughed, “Enjoy your evening, ladies.”

Shepard emerged from wherever it was she was hiding in time to see them bounce down the steps, Liselle’s hand on Lana’s back. She stood next to Liara in the doorway, and watched as Liselle opened the car door for her daughter and let her step in;

“Remind you of anyone?” Liara asked, lips pursed in goodwill.

“What? That calm, collected Casanova down there? Pfft, I was way smoother.” She looked over her shoulder to check their aloneness; “so was her father, actually-”

“-Jane.”

They watched as Lana tucked her dress under her, demurely, holding her purse in her lap. She looked so much like Liara; Shepard’s heart ached. Watched as Liselle looked up and waved a little wave; _I’ll take care of her. _Stared straight at Jane_. I promise. She taught me better than that. _You_ taught me. _

And she had, really. Had such a profound impact on that young woman. On both of them, down there in that car, their journeys barely beginning.

The start of theirs had marked the end of her and Aria’s together; first Liselle, then Lana. Their births and ever-lasting presence in their lives cementing their resolve; keeping them true to it. An unspoken agreement shared through looks over storybooks and across dinner tables; when family vacations and home repairs and PTA meetings had led to time spent alone in each other’s company. When drinks had been drunk too quickly, and couches were suddenly shared; when wives had retired early and they were alone in the dark. The place where their demons cavorted just out of view, dancing together in the shadows overhead. When any other time it would have led them into each other’s arms all over again. One tipple too many, one bathhouse pool that was just a bit too steamy, one tiny, careless, so tempting, mistake, that would have been so easy to make all over again.

_Scrooge was better than his word…_

Couldn’t do what they had done to Thea and Liara to their little girls.

_‘A thousand years, Liara’_

_‘If you ever leave her, we’re done’_

“Sure, you were,” Liara replied, leaning into her; looking up at her. Shepard wrapped her arm around her shoulder,

“I wasn’t,” she admitted. “I was a wreck. I chain smoked all day; you could have knocked me over with a feather when you stepped out of that old residence in that purple dress.”

“I know,”

“Not as smooth as I thought, huh?”

“You never are,” she pinched her bottom;

“I am too, T’Soni.”

“Whatever you say, dear. You stole my heart, and that’s all that matters.”

_All that ever mattered._

“Damn right.” Shepard kissed her on the top of the head and turned, the skycar pulling away. “Chuck? Pizza for dinner?”

***

Lana let Liselle shut her door and tried to keep the grin off her face, looking down at her knees. She pressed her mouth together, looking at the window and waiting for the car to merge into traffic. When they were safely out of the neighborhood, she chanced a look at her, sitting there tapping her fingers on the steering wheel. She placed her hand on her leg, “You look incredible, Elle.”

Liselle glanced over at her, a spark in those cool eyes; she chewed the scenery, her tongue travelling over the back of her teeth and mouth tucked together in amusement.

“I like your corset…”

Liselle broke, her tongue touching the underside of her top lip, her grin spreading. “Thank you,” was all she said, concise and undeniably self assure. She placed her hand over Lana’s. She swallowed, the barely contained mirth just under the surface; “So, T’Soni, where are we headed? I should have made you drive. You asked me out, weren’t you supposed to pick me up?”

Lana motioned to her tight dress, “The Thessaly, and as if I could drive in this.” Liselle smirked, thought of a few things she’d like to test drive about that dress; she slowed the car, indicating a right turn. “It’s faster if we go down the 75-” Liselle looked over at her, one eyebrow marking arched; _obviously._ _Trust me. _She turned into their usual parking lot. It was fuller than it ever was during those early-bright school day rendezvous, but she found a faraway spot and stopped the car.

“Well, well, Ms. Tevos, this isn’t the theatre,” Lana tutted, undoing her seatbelt and turning. Liselle shut the car off and undid her own. Whatever electric nervousness was in the air crackled.

“Nope. It’s not.” She leaned across the divide – both the middle armrest and the unquiet between them – and took her jaw in one hand, bringing her lips to hers. They kissed, unhurried, the snow covering the windshield and the car chilling despite their body heat. Lana reached over, wanting to run her hands along her sides, up her ribs where she knew she’d find skin under that jacket; something – some unknown shadow of denied temptation - stopped her. Her hands hovered over her instead, trembling. Something was different; an insurmountable hesitation in the air. Liselle’s hands were traveling too, across her lap, but not touching her, not really; her skin felt like it would combust if she did. She made a noise of frustration and nipped at her; did she feel it too? Lana smiled into her mouth. Delectable taste and delectable abstention.

Liselle drew back with a heavy breath, “Oh, fuck, I wanna-”

“I know-”

“You in that dress-”

“_That outfit_, Elle…”

They both blew out their dissatisfaction, Liselle staring at the ceiling and slumped back in the driver’s seat, Lana pulling her dress down over her knees. “Want to get a coffee before we head to the show?” She tapped on the dash console and it lit up the car against the darkening night; Liselle had never looked so intoxicatingly bewitching as she did to her then, with the artificial light illuminating her sharp features. It made her glow with an inner flame; maybe that was just her natural state. Or maybe it was the provocation in the air, coaxing the regency of her bloodline to the surface.

She nodded, motioning for Lana to do up her belt, and started the car.

They spent the next hour in the company of strangers, fingers wrapped around warm porcelain and each other’s hands, the warm, yellow café bulbs reflecting off the windows, cozy against the night. Liselle telling stories of seedy, backroom concerts in the wards of Omega, and million-person, sold-out amphitheatres on the Citadel; _“We’ll have to go sometime; get a hotel and I’ll show you around.” _Lana highly doubting her parents would let her go to Armali unsupervised, let alone the Citadel_._

While Lana went on and on about the musical influences of Varrencage; _“If you listen closely to the backbeat you can tell that Droffsetter _must _have loved middle-century human blues.”_ Liselle nodding along as if she knew what she was talking about. 

Both thinking: _she’s incredible;_ _why is she with me?_

They laughed too loud and stared too long, but everyone who passed their table couldn’t help but grin as they did; _there goes young love. _No high school-pureblood-old-money-doctrinaire bullshit dragging them down; their infectious infatuation too powerful for hate. They never even knew the figure they cut together, arm in arm and besotted as they were. The Councillor’s kid - the Spectre’s kid; enchanting the evening with their vouge-dapper appearance and devil-may-care postures.

Might as well have been royalty.

They arrived at the theatre with plenty of time to spare; saw Freya and Ryx standing out front in the cold, huddled together and scanning the street for them. They parked and joined them in short order, Liselle hanging slightly behind and waving at Ryx in solidarity.

“I am so glad you guys decided to come with us,” Freya dug around in her purse and produced four tickets, handing them out and shivering.

“I could have picked you up,” Elle finally broke her silence, taking her ticket and looking at the throng of milling bodies filing into the theatre.

“Oh, no worries; we like the bus ride; gives us time together,” she replied, while Ryx nodded behind her. Lana was bouncing up and down, trying to stay warm in her dress. Like Liselle, Freya had worn something altogether more sensible, yet was still chattering as well. “Come on, let’s get a table.”

The theatre was old and tarnished. It smelled a bit of mothballs and musty-attic, and the floor was wet with snow where the carpets ended, but the brass and wood and absolute grandeur of it transfixed them. Without coats to check – save Liselle who wouldn’t have parted with hers anyway – they wandered through the open lobby and down narrow hallways, where they converged into the main space; all red-plush theatre seating near the back, all open cabaret tables near the front. Balconies and a second floor loomed over them, but it was less majestic than the lobby; more speakeasy than opera. More beer bottle brown than merlot-wine.

Liselle held her chair out for her as they sat, and Lana smiled up at her. She sat at the small, round, table – across from her – and let Freya and Ryx do the same, chatting about their day, their dinner out, the latest single from Varrencage, and how lucky they were that they came to Thessia on this tour.

Ryx leaned across the table while Lana and Freya chattered; “You ever heard these guys?” His flanged voice was hard to make out over the din of a thousand voices, and Liselle leaned in.

“Not much; just the stuff they’re allowed to play on the stations.”

He looked relieved, “Me either, but Freya loves them. You heard Vi-vian Wonder’s new one?”

Liselle cocked one eyebrow up_; pop-princess Wonder? _She narrowed her eyes and smirked, warming to him. “The one from that musical about the high school kids?” She suspected that if turians could blush he would have, stammering,

“Well, yeah, I guess it is, but-”

“Yeah. I kinda like it,” she shrugged back, laughing. “Should I get us drinks?”

She perched at one of the bars surrounding the floor, waiting for their order to be filled, and looked back down at their table. Lana had her legs crossed, the dress hiking up just enough to show off some blue leg; she had her head thrown back, laughing, and that tableau hit her in the gut. Anvil-heavy-heart-beating-too-fast-befuddled. She crossed her arms and looked from the object of her affliction-er-affection, and saw Ryx with his eyes closed and shaking his head, clearly the butt of the joke; Freya with her hand on his bony knee, a smile on her face. A perfectly normal picture of perfectly normal young people; she felt a blooming warmth in her chest, to be invited into this. Included. Welcomed.

With that sentiment still rattling around in her chest she tapped Lana’s credit chit and gathered their drinks close, making her way back to her friends.

The band played too loud. It progressed from toe-tapping singles, that they could yell over across their table, to shattering, bone-shaking rock, that left their voices hoarse and their temples throbbing. They drank more to cope; Liselle just enough to take the edge off her nerves, but not enough to compromise her composure. She had already tucked her keys into Lana’s purse; decided to leave the car and deal with that decision tomorrow. By the time she had downed her third bright green Elasa – bitter-cold and sharp, with sweetness rolling in as an afterthought – Lana had dragged her to her feet and onto the dancefloor.

Music in the T’Loak-Tevos family was just something they did because her grandfather had, apparently. Her father never spoke about it much more than that, and barely played. Liselle had never shown much interest either, and after a few years of her mother attempting to force it on her as part of a well-rounded upbringing, it was dropped.

Lana was different. Her body exuded music. Her fingers thrummed and drummed in time; her hum always just under whatever was on the console or stations. The score of life moved through her body and soul. She came alive when speaking of it - always had some new band or piece for Liselle to listen to, to study, and with an instrument in hand she was practically white-hot electric; fervent and elegant and a little dangerous.

Music ran through her; and thus, she could dance.

Lana’s head was thrashing back and forth in time to the frantic music, a smile plastered on her face. Her hand in hers, limbs punctuating every snare hit and tom beat; legs somehow following the bass and the melody at once. Their bodies fit together like they were made for each other, their dancing somehow at counterpoint and as one. Liselle had never felt so in tune with anyone or anything than she did in that moment, with that girl, at that concert. Volatile and effortless, pressed close one minute and whirling and jumping the next; it was a feeling like flying. In freefall, they danced.

Loved choked and sweat soaked, they danced. The smell of the spilled beer - like bodies and fluids; booze and sugar – assaulted their senses; with the sticky floors, and sticky black tables set with small glass jar candles, and upholstery-hemorrhaging chairs as their backdrop, and strange people – who weren’t quite strangers but not quite friends – as their company, they danced.

Liselle was so in love. By the time the band played ‘_Let it Up, Let it In’_ Liselle would have sold her soul for another night like this, with her. Another hour, another minute. _The world could end right now and I’d be happy. _

With the horns and drums and guitar in her ears, and Lana at her hip. She felt it like a panic; a tacky, syrupy, splintering dread that stuck to her heart and seemed to fill her lungs. Like this moment would fade away to nothing if she didn’t take in every detail. That she might die if she kept looking at the perfection in her arms; _would_ die if she ever turned away. Every second was precious and every second was one she’d never get back again. She felt like her heart was physically too large for her chest; drawn-out-dragged-down-strung-out-physically sick in love; that she might break.

_I will fix you._

How could any other night – any other person – ever feel this good? Feel this right? That years later she would still smell it, taste it, feel it in her bones. Punch-drunk, stupid, mesmerizing, young love. Later, with the sagacity of years, she knew every first love was of such magnitude, and yet…

Yet…

The music and the blue of her skin; the crowd and the way her hands felt against her hips, her ribs, her spine; the neon lights and the green of her eyes, forever intertwined. Would think of this moment every single time she set foot into a dive-bar-dance-club-dirty-pub for the rest of her life.

Would never forget the sweetness of her breath when her mouth was so close to her own; the droplet of sweat that ran over collarbones, down her chest, disappearing into cleavage; the perfume she wore, and the sound of that band; the taste of the liquor on her tongue, and the feeling of her lipstick on her skin. The way her hands found the small of her back when the music slowed, and how fingertips dug into her shoulder. How her body felt pressed against hers, heartbeats hammering in their chests.

That someone so incredible, and joyful, and beautiful was hers, here, tonight. So afraid it would slip away; something this alive could never be for her, could it? Doomed joy. Temporary bliss. Rapture.

She’d just have to ride it out, or die trying to capture it again; would spend her whole life trying to capture this moment – this feeling – again; to catch this lightning in a bottle.

Might as well try and catch the wind.

_‘Everything is more beautiful because we are doomed,_ she thought. _You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again.’ _That epic of old truer now for her than it had ever been. Yes, Liselle was so in love.

Lana looked at her and grabbed her around the neck, running her hands down the back of it, across the swirling white markings, and up along her ribs.

_‘We will never be here again.’_

_Fuck it._

“You’re beautiful,”

“What?” Lana yelled over the cacophony.

“You’re beautiful,” she breathed, close to her ear.

“I can’t hear you-” Lana shrugged, still dancing; she kissed her, laughing. Loosing herself in the music, she twirled away again, her dress whirling around her thighs and hips, like some flower. 

Liselle grabbed her by the wrist, pulling her back to her; needed to make her see.

“You’re. Beautiful. You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” Liselle yelled back, feeling very free. Grinning.

“Elle…” Lana smiled, suddenly bashful; noticing the hundreds of people around them.

“You are-”

“Shut up…”

“I love you.”

Lana stopped dead, her smile fading into shock; mouth agape. She blinked and stared at her, the crowd of bodies still crashing around them as they stood stock still and silent; so much like the tidal wave crashing through her heart.

_Hold my heart, and feel it drum._

Lana didn’t say anything, just took her hand and dragged her from the dance floor in a run; out and down the hallway with its ratty red carpet, threadbare and worn; past framed posters of bands and old vids; and through the brass-handled front doors, into the snow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Absolutely did NOT write the lyrics; the copyright for these great tunes are as follows:  
BETTENS  
Bettens Music, Wallaby Records, distributed by Rough Trade.
> 
> Homer; The Iliad


End file.
